Monday, December 12, 2022

Castle Whiterock 28 November 2022: Whirlwind

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

Garreth concentrates on getting faster. The two big djinn start whirling, tornadoes springing up around them. The wind hammers me but I stay up. Bleu casts Great Haste on Garreth. Polly says, "Hey, these tornados are discriminating against the Elven Way of Life!" She steps and switches from her bow to her rapier and shield. The djinn in back vanishes. I put on my ring and step back.

Garreth surges forward to do violence, and two of his blows land. The djinn says, "You have amazing skill! So fast! But it only tickles!" The other djinn tries to move, but it bonks into me and stops. It looks around, confused. Logan claws it twice. The djinn by Garreth steps forward and lashes out at him with flashing flaming steel, but Garreth parries. Polly smacks away with her rapier the other djinn. Something happens and it sweeps up. I try to slip under its legs, but cannot get through.
Logan claws it twice.

Garreth keeps swinging Scalemar, and another four of his blows land. Bleu casts Great Haste on Polly. Polly steps and attackw, and keeps shredding the djinn. It looks like it is still hurt a bit and only looks mostly happy and healthy. Garreth asks what is happening and Bleu says, "It appears that the smaller one which vanished earlier cast Major Healing." Garreth swears in three languages. I get past the djinn, and Logan waits for one to come in reach.

Garreth remembers the awesome Ghost Touch Long Knife. He growls and spins suddenly, shoving his hand into the handy haversack. The djinn looks puzzled. "What's that? A knife?"

Garreth spins around and greatly wounds it. It drops its falchion and looks greatly wounded. Garreth grins wickedly. "I can murder you now." Garreth's blade somehow turns aside just moments before it connects, but the djinn now seems bereft of protection. Garreth glares. "Deprived of my rightful prey."

The other djinn says, "Awww, I wanted to squash the stupid green blonde elf." Garreth yells, stunning the djinn hear him. It pounds Garreth, knocking him to the ground. Polly whacks away at the other djinn, and only nicks it. The wounds on the djinn by Garreth suddenly heal. I step and look for the invisible foe.

Garreth digs into his potion belt to fast draw and quaffs two healing potions, and kips up. The djinn sneers. "I hit you once I can hit you again! Hiding behind the elfy welfy? I guess I'll smash her first! It tries to smash Polly, who looks like she is about to fall as she steps back, but somehow takes no wounds. The other one tries to slam Polly. She blocks, and then it tries to whack at her skill twice with a fist of air and flame but misses. She whacks back at it, hitting five times. Logan likewise claws at the djinn, and I keep looking for the invisible djinn.

Garreth slashes up the djinn, and it poofs back to its home. Garreth roars in defiance the other djinn and stabs, but it parries his knife. Bleu steps and casts See Invisible on herself. The djinn starts to move, and Garreth roars in defiance at it again. It again parries his knife. It starts to move again just as Polly hits it before going off balance. I keep looking.

Logan gets between Bleu and any foes. She steps and casts See Invisible on me, and I see the caster a couple of yards in front of me. It doesn't look like it sees me. Garreth roars in defiance at the djinn he can see and stabs but misses. He roars again and again, stunning it. Polly whacks away and hits it four times. The caster says, "He's beat up and he's stunned? I could cast Major Healing or Awaken, but  … So long and thanks for all the mermaid skeletons!" And it poofs.

I say, "Oh, heck with it, I'll stab this guy in the eye," and I do that to the last djinn, but it doesn't hurt it much.

Garreth asks, "Bleu, can this thing grant wishes if we spare it?"

Bleu shakes her head. "No, only the stronger ones can do that"

Garreth shrugs and chooses to murder it. He drops his knife, then grumbles and switches back to Scalemar. He yells again, and takes it down.

I feel a twinge, and move down a small tunnel. Atop the frozen lavafall, I find a small recess – clearly part of a large lava tube that has been sealed off. A natural flow ledge makes a passable bench along the right wall, and the djinn were playing a game of cards on it when we came. A few thousand gold and several gems are stacked neatly in three piles.

Monday, November 21, 2022

Castle Whiterock 7 November 2022: Dem bones

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

I tell Garreth and Polly that I have to see this portal, and they tell me to go for it. I go to the northeast and see my new friends hacking at the spell ruin ivy with their sickles. Fadulla tells me to keep following the lava. So I follow the lava stream up a sloped tunnel and come to a small cave. The lava stream comes out of a blazing hole and twists the outline of the cave. It feels warm and toasty even with my salamander amulet.

I ask Mufaqu, "How easy is the trip? It just like walking through the door of a pub or something?"  Mufaqu says it is, as well as going back, so I try it. My choice to go through lasts only a split second. I hold myself back as something seems wrong. It seems really neat, but I felt like I was starting to catch on fire. "Something tells me I gotta hold back for now, as cool—er, sweet—as the idea sounds."

Garreth tells me that I have to learn self-control, then shows the efreet the spellruin herbicide, which greatly speeds the hacking away at the spellruin ivy that the efreet are doing. Mufaqu tries it, looks impressed then gives it back. "That is wild! Do you want to trade it for the sickle?" Garreth holds off on any trade for the moment, even though Fadulla ups his offer for real alchemist's fire ("not just that puny human stuff"), as we need to get more.

So I go back and fly over the island and hot lava, and am now over land again. The ceiling has strange stalactites that look like frozen liquid rock, with a six foot crack in it. At the end of the tunnel is a hardened lavafall that goes up about thirty feet. There is a cave mouth at the top of it, so I fly down the it, and turn left when the tunnel does. I can see that this tunnel was once in an old lava lake, but it is now cooled and hard. At the end of the tunnel are two stone doors, locked when I check.

I check out the walls, and see there are fish bones frozen in it, as well as a mermaid's bones. I send Logan to get the others, who brings them back after an oddly long stall. "Took ya long enough! Did you stop for dinner or something?"

Garreth boggles. "It's not like I speak death weasel."

I sigh. "Oh, he's not just running up to you for food. I mean, he is running up to you for food, but there's more, y'know?"

Polly looks. "Whoa, I didn't know fish were in walls." I show her the mermaid bones as well.

Then I pick the lock to the doors. It swings open, and I see two big, red-skinned humanoids, with tails of tornadoes, and a smaller one behind them.

I say to the djinn, "Wow, hey there. You know there's mermaid bones out here, right?"

Monday, November 7, 2022

Castle Whiterock 17 October 2022: You're the best around, nothing's gonna ever keep you down

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

More of the magic-foiling ivy grows here in a thick mass, coating all surfaces of the tunnel and making it hard to move around. We see a steady light up ahead. We hear what sounds like loud fire sounds with hissing and cracking and popping. But it seems to have meter and pattern as if it was speech.

Garreth throws vials with the herbicide, and tosses them at the spell-ruin ivy. As he tosses the vials, I look up. "Wait a minute. First I think I see Thrognar, then Stonemaul, then Thrognar." I look down at his flask. "What's in this?"

Garreth slings the sack over his shoulder, and I say he should ask his sword about the din. Garreth tells us that it's akin to the red dialect of Chromatic, but not the same. So Bleu casts Gift of Tongues on me, and I put on my ring and go to listen.

The first voice says, "Hey, there are interesting noises! Maybe it is something interesting we can twist into a pretzel!"

Another voice says, "Probably like more fire tiger things."

The first voice says, "Man, I wanna go to the Bleak Theater."

The other voice says, "Eventually, eventually."

The first voice says, "I heard the Impressario was getting Gar-Eff and the Murderhoboes in concert!"

The other voice says, "Yeah, and those drow were cute! I wonder what fun things they can do with Web!"

A deeper voice says, "Whatever. The noises might be dangerous."

The first voice says, "Bah, you worry too much!"

The deep voice says, "It's my job to worry."

I go back and say to Garreth that he should put on a concert. Garreth starts singing a traditional drow song about murdering your mother to steal her chair or something in Undercommon, and Logan barks along.

The first voice says, in Undercommon, "What amazing singing!" Two overgrown, humanoid creatures come flying out, accompanied by a third clamping along. Two have small horns protruding from their head and wear baggy, purple pantaloons over their bright red skin. The third is a fearsome warrior, with plate armor and a long glaive at the ready. His black skin and fiery red hair mark him as a giant common to climates such as these.

The second red one says, in Undercommon, "Oh my God, it's Gar-Eff!" Garreth keeps singing how both mother and daughter are betrayed by a third party who also wants the chair, then bares his teeth.

The first red one says, "There's Polly and Ibizaber and Logan, but where are Seep and Eli?"

I say, "They went solo."

The first red one asks, "So what are you doing down here? Are you going to tour the Plane of Fire?"

Garreth says, "We're mostly looking for a way down to the dragon. We owe him a visit."

I add, "We can tour, too, however. What are the venues?"

The first red one says, "Just right this way to the Plane of Fire! Through the Portal, up the River of Magma, and you will be at the Palace of Fa'al'zaqan, Lord of the Efreet!"

I say, "Wow, that sounds like a helluva place to play!"

The first red one says, "It is the BEST venue in all the planes of existence!"

I say, "It would have to be with a name like Fa'al'zaqan."

Garreth says, "I didn't know we could get there from here. Although I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose."

The first red one says, "No, it is EASY! It is right this way!"

The other red one says, "Yes, we could show you the portal"

Garreth nods. "Why not? We can't visit today, but it can't hurt to know the way. Might I know your names?"

The first red one says, "I am Mufaqu and this is Fadulla." They bow. The giant says nothing. Garreth bows, then eyes the giant and raises one eyebrow slightly. Mufaqu says, "Oh, he is a mere janissary guard, of no importance. Not like us noble efreeti."

I say, "Well, we've never meet such esteemed efreeti before."

They swell with pride. Fadulla says, "We have not had visitors come to serenade us in our place of work before, where we long labor at hacking the accursed ivy!"

We hash out the details about the Plane of Fire, talking about the important things: our salamander amulets, magma, things being safe for mustelids, fine fire elementals candied with "delicious chocolate and undead peppers crust" and "caster sugar made with real casters," and, of course, booze. Garreth and Mufaqu agree to have a friendly wrestling match, with Mufaqu enlarging Garreth to make a fair fight. If Garreth wins, he gets a wish, and if Mufaqu wins, we agree to do a gig at Mufaqu's noble villa.

I take a swig before the fight. "In one corner, we have the master of flame Mufaqu! In the other corner, we have Gar-Eff, hopped up on steroids!" Mufaqu tries to grab Garreth, but he steps aside and concentrates on speeding up. Mufaqu again tries to grab Garreth after a feint, but Garreth steps back. He tries some kung fu moves and falls down, but leaps back up. 

Mufaqu grabs Garreth, and Garreth says something mean about water elementals being better wrestlers. This stuns Mufaqu, so Garreth starts to wiggle his way out until Mufaqu gets his wits back. "I do wrestle better than a water elemental!" Garreth gets out, then grapples Mufaqu back. He yells to stun Mufaqu, then keeps battering him down, at last pushing him into the fluid around the island.

Garreth climbs to his feet and dusts his hands. Mufaqu, still annoyed about the water elemental remark, grants Garreth his wish: to become an even better fighter. They go back into their area in a huff.

Sunday, October 9, 2022

Castle Whiterock 3 October 2022: And if you want it, baby, well, you can bleed on me

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar

What they did

The conflagration worm rears up above us. Veins like red hot wires are near its skin. Garreth lunges forward with Scalemar in hand, and hews through its skin easily. As each blow lands great jets of lava like blood spurt out, splashing over Garreth. He howls in fury, and Polly plunks three arrows into its body. Logan steps and swats at it, hitting its veins, making lava spout out. He smokes a bit, but gets out of the way of the fire, and Bleu casts Blink Other to do likewise for Garreth. I get my crossbow out, and spot Stonemaul. "Stonemaul? Man, have I been smoking some good shit." He focuses his inner strength, becoming tougher.

The worm rears up and slams its head and teeth down at Logan, but he steps back. It swats its tail at Garreth, but Stonemaul shoves his dwarven shield in the way, breaking the awful heat. Garreth steps back and focuses on speeding up, as well as taking a Great Haste from Bleu, while Polly peppers the worm with more arrows. Stonemaul goes in to whack the veins, and gets out of the way of its spurts of hot lava blood. Logan swipes at its veins with his claws, while I also take a shot for the same. We both get out of the way of the firey spurts.

It again rears up then smashes down at Garreth, but he, Polly, Logan, Stonemaul, and Bleu get out of the way, Bleu with a Blink. I step back from the heat. It slaps its tail at Stonemaul, who again blocks it. Garreth hacks at it, hitting it and getting out of the way of the hot blood. Stonemaul again stabs the veins while Garreth takes a slug of a healing potion. Polly runs and shoots, an arrow plunking into the worm and dropping it with a crash.

Garreth reloads my crossbow, then asks Bleu, "Anything worth scavenging from that thing?" She babbles on in great detail about the biological, geological, and commercial impact of the conflagration worm, but it boils down to, "No." Garreth shrugs and takes a swig from the wineskin, healing himself up.

Monday, October 3, 2022

Castle Whiterock 26 September 2022: Roundup

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

Logan wakes up after five days and wrecks half the town. Garreth and I let him run wild, keeping track of him by listening for the screams and crashes every so often. Logan is happily snacking out of the barrel behind a new shop that just opened, "Angie's Amputations and More."

Quintus comes and finds us in a bar. "I finished that herbicide you wanted."

I ask, "Cool, how is it packaged? I mean, is it in a potion, or in a big bag? How do we get it on the plants? Does it kill triffids?"

Quintus brings us back to his shop, and gives us a keg. "Generously slather it on the spellruin ivy."

I ask, "Does it have a bad smell?" I open the keg to take a whiff. It smells bad. Quintus's lawn is wilting.

He tugs on my shoulder. "Hey, close that."

I shut the lid. "I just want to make sure the wolverine doesn't go licking that." Garreth remembers he imbued it with hate, so it is probably not chi friendly. The barrel is lead-lined, so weighs 400 lbs. Garreth sighs and heaves it up on a shoulder with two hands.

Thrognar nods. "So open the barrel and pour down the hole. Does Bleu know how to clean the air?"

Garreth blinks at Bleu. I sigh. "I'm afraid to ask. We'll get a dissertation on Dr. More Oh's clean air for animals." After a moment when nobody says anything, I sigh again. "So, Bleu, what happens when you purify the air?" She gives us a lecture about how the air is scrubbed clean of the miasma as the elementary elements of air are each exercised in turn through a miniature connection to the elemental plane, with diagrams.

We—oh, alright, Garreth—roll the keg and put it in the bag of holding. We then fly to the dungeon, in the hot level. Once there, Garreth strips off his gear, down to armor padding and sets it in a neat pile.  He tells us to cover him, and Thrognar pulls out his greatsword and stands a few yards behind Garreth, while I watch down a hallway with my crossbow out.

Garreth strides up with the keg and pops the lid off. He pours it on the plants and, twelve seconds later, is back, looking a crispy shade of green. Bleu gets the salamander amulet back on him and I give him the bag of healing. Bleu casts Lend Energy on him.

He lies and rests, and we find that the plants die without any monsters finding us. Garreth tells us we should clear the other hole, which we do, Garreth clearing that patch in nine seconds. Then he dons his gear again.

Bleu casts Continual Light on a rock and drops it on top of the ivy to make sure it isn't still alive. As it is still glowing, we go down. She casts Walk on Air and Flight on us, as well as some other spells to help us see in the dark.

A big lake of lava fills this cavern, lighting it in a baleful red glow. Small islets of rock break the surface, offering solid ground. The ceiling is uneven here and marked by long years of volcanic activity, and is well above us. All over the walls grows a kind of ivy with trefoil, serrated leaves. The plant lets out a shifting light like a lit charcoal. Small mats of it even grow on the top of the lava, appearing to feed off the heat.

We fly over a small islet. Thrognar looks down. "Somethings under the lava. Can't be good for us."

A segmented trunk breaks out from the magma, rising fifteen feet in the air before bending back on itself. The blunt head of this titanic worm splits into three sections, each ringed by endless rows of white teeth. Veins like red-hot wires web close to the surface of the monster’s pallid flesh.

Sunday, September 25, 2022

Castle Whiterock 19 September 2022: Mopping up turtle guts

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

Garreth wails on the turtle, but only one blow hits, and only its shell. Polly shoots at its skull thrice. I keep flying away from it, clutching Bleu. "Don't think I do this for any elf woman!" When the dragon turtle sticks its head out to strike again, Garreth splits open its skull, and it falls to the ground, going faster than I am with Bleu.

We all get down and, after she snaps to reality again, gives Bleu eight swigs from the wineskin after taking one himself. Garreth and Polly start skinning the dragon turtle, while Bleu and I fly back to Cillamar to look for a surgeon, as we want to harvest the dragon turtle's organs. We meet a fetching woman named Angie, who agrees to help us for half the money. We agree, and Bleu casts Flight on her and we go to join the others. While the others do work, I look for the dragon turtle's lair, and find it underwater.

Bleu casts Water Breathing and Swimming on us, then we check out the lair. There are two scarabs there. Garreth asks Bleu about them, and she says, "Ah, yes, these are Guardian Scarabs, they are not actually gold, they are powerful golems with many sense effects but not invincible, they are not very valuable. They are very dumb." Hearing this, Garreth kites away the scarabs with a harpoon while the rest of us gather the treasure.

The treasure is a big pile of money, gems, and jewelry. Therein is also a gold bulette statue, a platinum scepter tipped with emeralds, a ring of force, a ring that can store one charged spell, a mighty magical dwarven greataxe, bracers of armor, a horn that can summon fog, and a sapphire that when crushed will summon a Dire Water Elemental.

Monday, September 19, 2022

Game log 18 September 2022: Ganging up

Personae dramatis

Grignok, orc druid often in panther shape
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman
Mēnévē, broken-nosed fighter (NPC)

Quid occurrit

The heroes walk through the balrog's lair and find there is no balrog therein. They go through the tunnels, past the well, and into the room with the carvings. They turn to the left to look at the pillars in the middle of the room, and see that beyond them there is a double door, and two folks with swords, shields, and armor. One of them yells, "Hey, who the hell are you?"

Grignok roars, and the two fighters start walking warily towards the gang. Grignok runs to the shadows, and gets a better look once nearer. One is a paunchy woman with a craggy face, wavy black hair over her ears, tattooed forearms, and a shortsword. The other is a barrel-chested man with short, bushy, dark brown hair, bulging blue eyes, an earlobe cut off, and a broadsword. The woman yells, "You're gonna regret being assholes, y'know!"

Everyone starts pulling out weapons and getting nearer, with Grignok moving behind the two. Felcanis tries to cast Command on the woman fighter, but she's too far away to get it to work, so he casts Armor on Honsou instead. Honsou steps around the pillar, aiming at the woman, and Mēnévē, once near enough, yells, "Fut du du dirbate sat o' shid!" and swings her warhammer into the woman's shield.

The woman sneers. "Imma get you, you know?" She steps and tries to stab Mēnévē in her face, but she steps away. The man walks towards Grignok. Honsou keeps aiming, as Mēnévē blocks his way, as she has stepped back to ready her warhammer. Grignok rushes towards the woman and claws her in the back of the skull.

Amazingly, the woman doesn't drop from the goring, and instead spins and stabs Grignok in his face. Mēnévē yells,  "Fuddin bitz!" as she puts her warhammer into the woman's flank from behind and pulls it back. Honsou shoots at the woman but misses, and Grignok bites her face, dropping her.

The man yells, "NOOOOOOO!" charges to hit Grignok's neck, but Grignok steps away. Honsou gets out another arrow while Mēnévē tries to put her warhammer in his side, but it gets caught in his shield. Grignok claws his sword arm twice, crippling it and making him drop his sword. Felcanis casts Command on him but it fails as she is too far away.

The man tries to kick Grignok in the face but Grignok steps back, and he falls down. Honsou steps and shoots him in the innards. Mēnévē steps up, leaving her pick in, tries to kick his balls but misses. Grignok bites him twice. The man starts to wiggle arm out of his shield. Honsou runs up to him, pulls out his sword, and tries to slash him but misses. Mēnévē kicks his face. "Dum muddafudda!" Grignok bites him twice, crippling his shield arm.

The man lies there, unable to do anything other than spit defiantly at the heroes, who aren't acting too heroic. Honsou keeps missing with his sword and Mēnévē keeps missing with her face stomps, falling. "Fud!" Grignok bites him again and again, killing him.

They loot the bodies. The man has heavy leather armor, a broadsword, a medium shield, and four javelins. The woman has the same other than her sword, which is a shortsword, which Felcanis feels is magical. She also has a potion. Felcanis casts Stop Bleeding on Grignok. Honsou kills the woman, who is still breathing until this.

Death Proof final scene
Three PCs beat up on a hapless foe.

They rest for a short time. They check the double doors, find they have no traps, and Honsou easily picks the lock. The smell is dusty there, no dampness in it. The hallway splits, so they walk left, and find alcoves with sarcophagi therein. Honsou pushes open the lid to a sarcophagus, and inside there's … dust. They walk down the other hallway and find more sarcophagi. Honsou thinks these all have nothing but dust, so they leave them alone and leave the dungeon.

They find themselves outside in the afternoon, so they start heading towards town. After hiking for an hour, Grignok coughs a little when he catches a sudden burst of perfume, akin to Chanel No. 5 but sweeter. Up ahead is a man-sized flower with waxy white petals. Honsou guesses the smell comes from the flower, so he starts walking towards it.

Grignok thinks the flower is a vampire blossom, which dulls its victims' feelings to sleep with its perfume, then moves over them and drains their blood, making its petals turn red. He casts Beast Speech and asks the plant, "Can you not please, master plant?"

The vampire blossom says back, "Must feed on beast blood."

Grignok says, "We can bring you something better to munch on"

The vampire blossom says again, "Must feed on beast blood."

All the while, Honsou, knife drawn, keeps walking towards the plant, even though he starts to feel dizzy. He makes it to the plant, and slashes its stem. Felcanis casts Sunbolt, getting an easy-to-guide one. She throws it at the plant, burning it greatly. The plant swats its petal and hurts him. It wraps its petal around him, starting to drain his blood. He tries to wiggle out, but cannot.

As the vampire blossom drains Honsou of blood and senses, making him pass out after a few seconds, Grignok casts Lightning and Felcanis casts a bigger Sunbolt. Alas, Grignok's Lightning bolt doesn't burn it as much as he hoped, while Felcanis's Sunbolt misses it wholly. Grignok tries to grab the plant but cannot, but it lets go of Honsou after Felcanis's next Sunbolt burns it greatly.

Castle Whiterock 12 September 2022: Ghost in the shell

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

We fly over the lake shore and I hear something very quiet and stealthy trying to move up behind Garreth. "Man, Garreth, something is trying to sneak up on you and it's frigging lame."

Polly asks, "Oh, is this the return of Flitwick?"

Garreth spins and focuses on his speed, and Bleu is casts Great Haste on Garreth. Polly moves behind him. I hear a gentle dripping sound, like rainfall, and I put on my ring. 

Garreth spots the oncoming monster, which we can see is some kind of fast, blurry dragon turtle. We move away as it tries and fails to bite Garreth. It swats at Logan and Polly with its flipper foreclaws but misses both. It also tries to hit Logan and Thrognar with its rear flippers but they step back. A lightning bolt comes into being and misses Garreth. Bleu Blinks away from its tail.

It spins in place and tries to hit us again, and we get out of the way. It tries to claw Logan and misses, but it bites and grabs him in its maw. Its other foreflipper swings at Bleu but misses. Its other flippers try to hit Thrognar and Polly but he parries and she retreats, while its tail misses Garreth.

Thrognar channels godly might. Garreth asks his sword, "Alright, Scalemar, gimme the goods on how to party with the dragon turtle?" After a split second, he chops at its head, hitting it before it puts its head back in its shell, but it swats away his sword and makes it turn in his hand. Bleu casts Great Haste on herself and steps. Polly shoots three arrows at the dragon turtle but misses, and it ignores Logan flailing in its bite. I stab it in the eye and step upwards. It starts to strike back at us, but Garreth hits it in the skull twice before it can.

It flails about trying to smash everyone, and we get out of the way, with Bleu Blinking. It pushes Logan into its maw, but he suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke. I cringe, but I know he's alright and going to come back in the bag in a few days, angry at this. The dragon's tail and both back flippers swat at Garreth, but he batters it away, as well as the lightning bolt it shoots at him. It tries to bite and claw Thrognar, but he parries both of them. It tries to swat at Bleu but misses, and misses me when I step away.

It spins again with its spiked shell, and we all get out of the way. It shoots a lightning bolt at Garreth, hitting him, and he yells, "Dragon, you've merely increased my capacity for ale! I do dearly love ale." Then it whirls again, with all of us getting away other than Bleu, who clutches her belly. It tries to bite Garreth but he parries, tries to claw Thrognar but he retreats, misses Polly with its flipper, and Garreth parries its tail. Its flipper claws Bleu, but Thrognar activates the Protector's Run to keep her from hurting. It then shoots a lightning bolt at her, stunning her.

Thrognar hits its skull thrice before it can snap away, while Garreth hits it as well before he lands three more on the shell. He hisses at it, "Foolish dragon, you are doomed!" which stuns it. Polly shoots its skull, and she lands with her third shot. I fly towards Bleu to get her out of the way. Garreth whacks its shell again.

The dragon turtle flails around, missing all of us, then tries to hit Garreth with its back flippers and tail. Its tail instead misses Garreth and hits the water hard. It swats at me and misses, at Thrognar who parries, and bites at Polly and she gets out of the way. It shoots a big blast of water at Garreth, knocking him back. It swats at me again, hitting me and … no, wait, it misses somehow. It swats at both Garreth and Thrognar, who parry, and at me, and I move away. Its tail swats at Polly but misses, and a lightning bolt flies past Garreth. It gets blurrier, but Thrognar hits its shell anyways.

Monday, September 5, 2022

Castle Whiterock 29 August 2022: A short delve before cow-tipping

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

We show the pixies the sword and they are happy we found the pixie that was lost hunting Nemoura. They cast water speech spells on us to keep us from going "Glub-glub" when we try to talk. Garreth and Logan sing, and the pixies tell us that their mad musical skills give us the right for the pixies not to eat us. We're not sure how they could eat us, especially Garreth, but every boon is a boon, right?

After leaving the pixies, we check out the stairs past the frond fiends and the wall. A winding staircase about 10 feet wide meanders down the cliff wall. We can barely see it owing to the piles of silt, a scum-like layer of algae, and the rock surface. I lead the others down the stairs, and spot a giant clam hiding in the silt, as well as the outlines of a door beyond it.

I try to get Polly to see the clam, but she cannot until she's almost standing on it. We spot a big pearl, and she and Garreth wheedle me into not killing the clam for its meat. Garreth says, "We can buy a cow with those pearls."

I shrug. "I already go cow tipping with other people's cows."

Garreth says, "We can buy beer with them, too. The ogre thing had a pry bar for this and some little rocks to make more pearls."

The clam is just chilling. Garreth walks up with the pry bar and attempts to wedge it the way the notches indicate.  Garreth is faster than the slam, he starts to put the crowbar in. He gets the pearl and put the pebble in its place. Garreth tosses it in the loot bag, then yanks the bar out. He spots another clam further down the stairs, and another one … ten in all. He does the same for all of them, and gets six dusky pearls, one white pearl, and three cream pearls.

Once Garreth has opened all the clams and swapped the pearls for little rocks, we check out the stairs. We find that the stairs lead to the ruined monastery where we fought the false monks, and the secret door goes back to where the lacedons almost ate me. Satisfied, we go back to Cillamar.

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Castle Whiterock log 1 August 2022: Crawdaddy

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

We go to the area near the pudding. I slip my ring on, and walk inside, Logan in tow. The narrow passage winds its way into the cliff side before we reach a natural cavern. The walls are rough and jagged, and the uneven floor is strewn with rocks and boulders. I see two big crawfish. They wave their antennas, then move towards the tunnel. I back up, and prod Logan with my foot to have him do the same. Thrognar sees Logan coming (since he can't see me), and also starts backing up as well.

We step out and wait for the crawfish, as does Polly when she sees us. Thrognar steps aside and focuses his religious mumbo-jumbo, while Garreth does the same with his spear. Bleu casts Haste.

The crawfish get out, and I stab one in the eye, popping it out of its stalk. I swing again, and it fends off my knife with its claw. Logan tries the same, with the crawfish swatting his first swipe, and his second bangs off the eyestalk. Polly pulls out her rapier and tries to take off an eyestalk, but likewise can't harm it. The crawfish claws at Polly and Logan, but they back away.

Polly tries to stab a chink in an eye stalk. It gets its claw in the way of her first blow, but she hurts it with her second, though it still can crane its eye, and it gets out of the way of her next swing. Thrognar swings at one's head, and cracks open its skull. I step aside and start putting on my ring. Logan goes for a chink in an eye stalk and wounds it. Garreth whacks one's skull again and again, splitting it open, then hits the next one as well. It tries to claw at Garreth, but he fends it off.

Polly again stabs the scelera, and bats it around, drawing blood. Thrognar cracks its skull open with two fast blows, but it still is wiggling its claws. I get my ring on. Logan also goes for the chink in the eye armor, and lands one claw but misses with the other one. Garreth swings swiftly, and lobotomizes it, killing it, and Logan starts eating its brain. The pudding comes out and eats the other one. Logan growls, but doesn't go after the pudding, leaving it to the second crawfish.

After Logan gets done eating, I lead Polly and him down the tunnel. I find a little nook, and see a shine of a pin on a high shelf. I take it, and it springs to a two-foot shortsword. We see another tunnel, and find it leads back into the dungeon where Garreth slew the giant crawfish.

We back out, and show Garreth the pin. He touches it, and it turns into a shortsword big enough for him, and when Polly tries it, it turns into a Polly-sized shortsword. She thinks it's magical.

We swim to the surface to chat, and agree to check out the top of the castle wall. We go back down, and I lead Polly and Logan atop it, looking for the aqua gargoyle while Thrognar heals Garreth. After a short walk. I spot a gargoyle looking rather concerned and trying to hide with his back to the frond fiends. I poke Polly to get her to signal, and she signals that I poked her for an unknown reason. I grab her face and turn it have her see the gargoyle, and she signals to the others that there's a gargoyle.

Garreth pops up. It gurgles at him, and he gurgles back. The gargoyle smiles at Garreth after a few more gurgles. Logan checks to see how solid its flesh is, but it's rock, so not appetizing. After some more gurgles, it ducks away.

Garreth tells us the gargoyle is a kapoacinth named Syngnatus, and it has agreed to give us gifts. Syngnatus comes back up a few seconds later with a chest and some burns. It gurgles with Garreth, then hands him the chest. He pops it open, and inside finds a fine chess set of carved white quartz and black obsidian gemstones on a fine white marble and black basalt board. "I told him we'd kill the rest of the frond fiends in trade," says Garreth, and we do that after Bleu puts the chest in the bag of holding.

Game log 31 July 2022: Fire fire fire!

Personae dramatis

Grignok, orc druid often in panther shape
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman
Tulip, elf bard (NPC)
Mēnévē, broken-nosed fighter (NPC)

Quid occurrit

They go down the stairs on the side of the cavern, then walk down and come to a fork in the cavern. In the middle of this room where three passages meet are five columns of many hues that go from the floor to the ceiling. These are where stalactites have met stalagmites, and do not come together in any kind of pattern. 

They go left, and wind their way into a big cavern. On the far wall there is what looks like a big stone waterfall, carved or frozen in place. Grignok checks out the waterfall, and it's strangely slick stone, spilling onto the floor. There are also big pieces of some brown stuff on the base, which Honsou jokes that this means this is the bathroom. Grignok does think it looks like big caterpillar poop.

They go back to the room with the columns, then down the right-hand tunnel. They find themselves in a big room, carved and with big rotten banners hanging from the stalactites. There are three pillars to the right, but they pass them and walk across the room to another way out. That tunnel winds down after bending to the right, stopping at a well, with four tunnels leading out. Grignok sniffs at something buried next to the well, and Honsou digs up an old wineskin, with a broken strap and the bottom split open.

They go out this room through the tunnel to the left of the one through which they came in, and find themselves in a cavern. On the left wall is a well-made iron switch. Honsou checks it out and pulls it. He does, and a loud mechanical churning and trembling from above fills the whole room. After many seconds, it stops with a loud "Bing!" 

Honsou stands paralyzed as soon as he brings down the switch. Grignok licks him, leaving panther spit on his cheek, then drags him to Felcanis. Felcanis tries to see what is wrong with him, but doesn't understand it. Grignok realizes he's not poisoned, but can say nothing since he's in panther shape. So Felcanis keeps diagnosing. For some reason, Honsou starts to move normally during this. "I'm free!"

Felcanis walks to a tunnel on the wall opposite the one through which they came in, and the others follow. The cavern into which she walks is a dead-end with a stone slab in the middle of it. She checks it out, and sees a parchment on it. She looks it out but does not touch it. There are mystical symbols all over it, and crude drawings of what looks like fish with whiskers on the margins. This doesn't look like a text of Saundīvós or anything actually written in any tongue she knows. It might be connected with the slab somehow. It is definitely religious. It might have been a text to an old cult something or another.

Honsou takes a look at the slab as well. It has some grooves along the edges of the top that open up to the ground at the corners. Otherwise, it's just a slab carved out of a rock that lies about waist-high. He lies down on it, and nothing happens. Grignok pounces on it; nothing happens.

They walk back out the way they came, then go out the room with the switch to the right of the way they first came into it (or the left of the way they came into it this time). After many feet of walking, they see a tall, evil being in the shape of a winged man, wreathed in fire and shadow. It has a big fiery broadsword and a long fiery whip, and fights with those and its sharp teeth and claws. Felcanis is not quite sure what this guy is, but it's some kind of demon, she is pretty sure of that, and not friendly.

The balrog cackles evilly. "Who are you who has come to these caverns?" Honsou starts praying to him. The balrog laughs. "Good, that one knows true power!" It steps forward, and Honsou pulls out an arrow and aims. Mēnévē readies her warhammer and steps back. Felcanis casts Shield 3 on Honsou. Grignok tries to cast Fog but fails. The balrog cracks its flaming whip at Felcanis. She steps back and dodges the lash, but both she and Honsou can feel that the flame is close to lava-hot. 

Tulip steps forward and starts casting Daze. Honsou moves back. Mēnévē steps back, her warhammer before her. Grignok casts Fog, and they dart away. The balrog cackles. "Plot all you want, puny scum!"

They run back to the room with the well. Felcanis checks out the well, and holds herself back from pulling the rope. They go out of the well room, then walk down the tunnel to the left of the one they first checked out. That tunnel splits: a cave to the right that looks like a dead end, then a passage opening to a big cave ahead. They check out the cave to the right, and find an old noose dangling in the middle of it. Under the dust next to the noose is a big wooden shaft. Since neither the noose nor the shaft do anything when Honsou prods them, they go to the big cave.

No sooner do they walk into the big cave do they see the balrog again, who tries to hit Honsou with its whip but misses. It roars in anger. Grignok dashes towards the tunnel through which they first came into the balrog's cave, and the others turn and run. "Stay and die!" It cracks its whip at Tulip, hitting her back and killing her. Then it starts to run after Grignok. The others run back to the well, and hear no more flapping of wings from the balrog's chamber.

Grignok catches up to the others at the well, having lost the balrog. They go into the one tunnel they hadn't checked out, and wind their way down it a long way. It opens into a big cavern, with a throne to their right. The throne is in the shape of a big head, or perhaps a skull, with the seat in the mouth. Honsou sits in it, like a little boy in the daddy chair. "I am god!" he yells. Grignok leaps into Honsou's lap.

Felcanis sees some words carved into the wall near the throne. She reads them; they're in Elvish: "The Underdark is under Rākētêr Tower."

As this means nothing to them, they move on, finding two tunnels on the left side of the cavern. They take the one to the left, and find themselves standing atop a short cliff about three yards high with many handholds.  At the bottom, there are four women and one man, all with scythes, one woman in plate and mail, all others in heavy leather. One woman has an arm in a makeshift sling.

The one in plate, a heavily-built woman with fine features and long, straight medium chestnut brunette hair, and her eyes being a bit crossed, calls up. "Hello there!" After greeting her back, the heroes reveal that demons brought them there. "Oh. Did the bandits go after you, too?"

Honsou says, "Yeah, and we did try fight a big demon."

The cross-eyed woman gulps. "Uh, yeah, that one. Did you kill the bandits?" Honsou says they did, but not the demon, who instead killed one of their companions.  "Oh. May his body be whole." The woman belches and blushes afterwards.

Honsou asks if the woman has a way of killing demons, and she shrugs. "Oh. I understand fire works well." Honsou offers to get the woman's and her companion's help in fighting the demon, but she passes on that. "We were mostly trying to avoid the bandits, but since you slew them, we should be fine." She asks if their dead friend is over by the demon, and Honsou says she is, and asks why she is asking. "Oh, just wondering. It's unfortunate to hear about his demise."

The cross-eyed woman leads her friends up the cliff. After some time taken to deal with the woman with the crippled arm, they make it up and walk out. "Thanks for killing those bandits!" With that, they walk past. Grignok hops down the cliff, then leaps up, and the heroes walk away as well.

They go back and take the fork to the right. After a short tunnel, they find themselves in a cavern with a hole on the west wall, about knee high. They shun the hole, and instead go left. They walk into a cavern with a big natural column in the middle, then, after a turn, walk to a fork in the road. They take a left, and find themselves in the room with the cliff where the cross-eyed woman and her fellows had been.

They take the other fork to the right, and walk upwards. In the tunnel where they find themselves Honsou spots a big rock pushed against one side. They push and push on it, and Bill tries pulling, but it won't move. Honsou spots the rock is snagged on other rocks in the ground, so he shoves it so that it doesn't catch, and then they open it easily.

Honsou walks into the small room, and finds a trap door in the floor. He pulls it open, and sees a long mine shaft. He climbs in, and climbs down for a long time until the shaft gets too narrow to go further. Since he can see nothing remarkable (or anything at all), he climbs up, and meets the others.

It dawns upon Grignok that the tunnel leads into the balrog's lair, so Felcanis casts Flaming Weapon on Honsou's knife and he sneaks into the balrog's cave. Grignok follows. They creep slowly into the balrog's cave. There is no balrog inside. They get Tulip's body and put it on Bill's back. 

Friday, August 5, 2022

Searching for traps?

Richard LeBlanc writes great products, and now he has a new one on sale for $3: In Alley and Shadow. If you don't already have the D30 DM's Companion and the D30 Sandbox Companion, you have problems. Get it while it's cheap.

The section on Thieves’ Ability to Find/Disarm Traps (pp. 12-13) led me to think of a similar set of rules for GURPS:

Finders Keepers? When looking for traps, a critical failure on the Per-based Traps roll sets off a trap when it is present. Making the roll exactly when a trap is present leads the seeker to think a trap is there, but isn't sure. The seeker can look again, which takes a minute. When a trap is not present but someone looks, roll Per-based Traps anyways. A critical failure means the seeker thinks a trap is there, but isn't sure. The seeker can look again for the trap, wasting a minute.

I'll have to try it the next time I play.

Saturday, July 30, 2022

Castle Whiterock log 25 July 2022: Instant sashimi

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

Back in Cillamar, I hear tales of an aquatic gargoyle that lives on the wall, and of seakittens that can stab people at great speed. Chauntessa herds the whole group off to Whiterock while the townsfolk fix Cillamar after we spend the week there.

We go back to where we fought the eels, and check out the wall where I felt some tingling and Logan smelled something good. The wall looks like a way into tunnels. The narrow passage winds its way into the cliff side before going into a natural cavern. The walls are rough and jagged, and the uneven floor is strewn with rocks and boulders. I put on my ring and check it out. Once I walk in, I get a tingling and Logan smells something. I see a black pudding in a crag to my left attached to the ceiling waiting above the rotting corpse of an electric eel. I gather it's laying in wait for someone to come nearer so it can drop on him. Since there's no bling in sight, I step out, take off my ring, and signal "Danger" to the others.

Garreth swims to the surface of the water, and we all follow. He asks me what I saw, and I tell him about the black pudding. He asks Bleu about the black pudding, and she says, "It is akin to Inky Lord, but much smaller. They are most susceptible to cutting damage, but they are known to dissolve or stick to weapons. One suggested method is to carry a bunch of weapons so you can trade off. They have been known to collect treasure to lure prey. You can of course use bows or magic as well."

Garreth asks how smart they are. Bleu says, "Animal intelligence, like a wolf." Garreth asks if it has loot, and Bleu says, "It's possible, yes. Puddings are known to be very affectionate and quite willing to embrace people as well. The Great Naturalist Erwin Stephens did many studies of them until constant resurrections proved to exceed his grant money."

Polly says, "This is boring. We should go kill it or go past it, or kill it and go past it."

I say, "Everything Blah talks about is boring. Let's check to see if it has treasure without prodding it. If it does, we kill it. If not, we ignore it." We all agree to ignore it and go back down. 

Once down, we spot a bunch of sailfish coming out of the blabberwort forest and streaking through the water towards us. Garreth readies his trident, Thrognar focuses his chi, Logan steps and waits in the mouth of the tunnel, and I put on the ring.

The sailfish charge at us. One fish comes towards me and I stab it in the eyes, killing it. Four of them miss Garreth, of which one also misses me and Thrognar parries it. Then another two charge Garreth, missing him, and one also goes past Polly. Polly gets out of the way of another fish, while one almost hits me were it not for the dwarven beer can that hits its tusk first.

Polly pulls out her rapier and waits. Garreth grumbles and steps, dropping the trident and fast drawing Scalemar. Then he focuses, getting his sword to cast Great Haste on him. I step into the tunnel and start putting on my ring again. Logan waits for a fish to come into reach. Thrognar steps and waits for a fish to come near. One does, and Thrognar swings twice. His blade parts the sailfish like the Red Sea, half a fish fillet on each side. Polly cleaves a skull in with her rapier. A sailfish swims at Bleu, but Garreth gets his sword in the way. Another one goes for Polly, but Garreth parries that one, too, and parries the next one that tries the same to Polly as well. Thrognar parries one coming towards him, while Logan tries to gouge out the eyes of a sailfish going for him. Another fish goes for Polly, but she dodges, while Garreth has to parry a fish that goes after him. A last fish misses Garreth wholly.

Polly hits the confused fish in the skull, splitting it open, then steps. Garreth chops up five fish, making instant sashimi in a second.

Game log 17 July 2022: Who are you?

Personae dramatis

Tulip, elf bard
Grignok, orc druid
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman

Quid occurrit

They search the old bedroom, but find nothing. Felcanis casts Stop Bleeding on Mēnévē, Grignok, and herself, then Grignok turns Mēnévē into a tree with Plant Form Other and heals her with Heal Plant. "Piddy iddin hep wid my doze," says Mēnévē. They hole up there and rest for 10 hours, with Grignok casting Mystic Mist and Felcanis casting Watchdog. Grignok also turns Felcanis into a tree with Plant Form Other, casts Heal Plant to heal her, then turns her back so she can cast Major Healing on Grignok and Minor Healing on Honsou.

They go back to the hallway, and wind their way to the stairs up a level. From there, they walk past the stairs and the stub of the rope pointing upwards, through the door, past a broken holy symbol of Saundīvós, to the edge of the water. Honsou pulls out some rope and Grignok casts Body of Slime on himself and goes into the water, pulling the rope behind him. He goes into the flooded room to his right and sees the hole. In the hole, he finds a jar, which he takes and brings back to the others. They open it and find a bunch of coins.

Grignok goes back into the water. He goes farther inward then sees a hallway going left, which he takes. After a short jaunt through an empty room and some twists, he makes it into the big cavern, and sees a landing to his left. On the landing is a slim man in leather armor, with a broadsword at his side. The man peers at Grignok's slimy body. "What are you?"

Grignok asks him, "Who are you?"

The man sizes up Grignok. "My name is unimportant." Grignok puffs out his chest and asks why is whatever he his important. "You have no weapon. I've seen so many creatures of the water down here, but I've never seen one like you. Quit wasting my time and go away."

The man says nothing more although Grignok keeps trying to chat him up. So Grignok casts Lightning and slaps him in the back. This shocks him and makes him fall. Grignok tries to grab his sword but cannot, so the man jumps up. Grignok grabs him, and he wiggles away, "Go away, slimy cheater!"
Grignok gets a better grip. "I just wanted to talk! You had to be mean, like all the others. Now we're gonna hug it out."

The man cannot get out of his grasp. "What do you want to talk about, monster?"
Grignok asks, "What's your name?"

The man thinks, then shakes his head. "I don't remember anymore. It has been too long." Grignok asks why he's there, and he says, "To kill fight the best and kill cheaters." He asks Grignok to let him go, and instead Grignok squeezes tighter, cracking his ribs, and the man passes out. Grignok grabs his sword, and it burns his body.

After about five minutes since the last time everyone saw him, Grignok comes back, holding a sword. Grignok tosses the sword down. "Look what I found." Felcanis picks up the sword. It doesn't hurt her, and she puts it on the mule. 

Grignok casts Heal Plant on himself. After this, he rests for awhile, then casts Body of Slime again to go back in the water to check out the last bend past the first two happways. He takes the bend going right, then swims a little farther into a room. In there are two bunk beds nailed to the floor, made of a crude iron for some reason, thus rusting. He goes out, and goes right around the corner, which itself is a small room. There he sees old racks for scrolls in that bend, but doesn't check them out.

After turning right, he goes towards the room at the end of the hall, and sees some movement straight ahead. He sees there are two giant piranhas, but they swim past him since he's a plant. He gives a piranha a pat, and the piranha wiggles past the pond scum touching it. He goes into the room and checks out a marble pillar there. The piranhas swim in their room, waiting for more flesh.

Grignok goes back to room at the corner. There is an old wardrobe, the wood oddly not rotten. He opens the wardrobe, and finds himself in a thicket outdoors, among the rotten and withered trees from the area outside the keep. He casts Mystic Mist around himself and rests up for almost an hour. Once rested, he casts Shapeshifting on himself and turns into a panther.

Felcanis grows concerned about Grignok, so she leads the group out of the dungeon. They get out, and it's about midnight. No patrols outside that they can see. After about an hour for Felcanis and the party after leaving the dungeon or 90 minutes for Grignok after teleporting out, the group and the panther run into each other. Felcanis sets up camp.

Monday, July 25, 2022

Castle Whiterock Log 18 July 2022: Totally drained

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

Logan upon smelling good food moves in on the wrecked tower, and clouds of giant eels rise up from the rubble. He bites an eel and eats it. Logan holds the eel body in his mouth, dangling limply. I turn, step, and stab another eel in the head, felling it in one stroke. Garreth focuses inward, bringing out the inner speed.

Bleu steps and looks at the eels. "Ah, these are Gymnotidae Electrophorus, also known as electric eels. They use an electric discharge to stun or kill prey, live in freshwater habitats, and particularly enjoy eating people in metal armor. Jellied eels are a particular delicacy in Elven culture, and the smaller eels work well when baked in pies. The larger specimens are also known to grapple their prey. They are known to be particularly susceptible to heavily armored clerics with Resist Lightning, as the eels love metal armored targets and will often target them. Not that elves make a habit of attacking them, as they are natural creatures. However, their habit of hiding in small places and trying to eat people has been known to lead to unfortunate conflicts."

Polly says, "I really wish I had my bow." She pulls out her rapier, then rushes over to a big eel, hitting it twice and killing it with the second blow. An eel swims up to Garreth, then nips at him, shocking him and stunning him. Two other ones do the same to Logan and me, but we shun the shock. Swarms of little eels go around us, trying to shock us, but hardly arousing a tickle.

Logan chomps on the swarming little eels around him. I stab the big eel near me in the brain before swatting my knife at a few little ones. Garreth snaps aware, kills a big eel, and wounds another. Bleu casts Resist Lightning on Garreth, and Polly swings at the swarms near her. A big eel swims towards Garreth and lets out a shock, but it does nothing to him. The swarms around Logan, Polly, and me all let out more shock, and this time it hurts Polly and me.

Polly, Logan, and I fight through our pain and chop up little eels, while Garreth gets a big one before chopping baby eels as well. A big one swims up to Logan and tries to shock him, but doesn't hurt him, while another comes up and zaps me. However, the little ones shock the hell out of Polly, Logan, and me.

Logan munches down some of the swarm, while I pull out my potion of great healing and chug it. Garreth chops up a big one, and Polly fights through her pain and chops up a swarm. Bleu swims towards her. The big eels turn and look like they're gathering power. The swarms zap Logan, Polly, and me, but we all chop back.

Garreth kills two more big ones near me, and Bleu swims towards me. A big eel swims up to me and gives me a zap, but I stay up. Swarms swim up to Polly, Logan, and me and shock us. This doesn't bother Logan much and he munches through the eels, while Polly and I also chop back. It hurts, but then I feel Bleu's hand cast Resist Lightning on me, letting me watch Garreth chop up another big one.

The swarms zap Garreth, Polly, and me, but none of it hurts us now. I chop up some baby ones, and Logan pounces on a big one's skull, ripping out its brain and lapping it up with a big lick. Garreth and Polly chop up the last baby eels near them, while Garreth and I easily handle the last ones.

We drink from the bag of healing, then I search the rocks. In them, I find a bunch of coins, some wrecked armor, and a suit of blue plate armor with a seashell-like design and fine mail webbing on the sollerets and gauntlets. Linked to this suit by a silver lanyard is a golden trident. They are magical, needless to say. To top off our funds Polly gathers up a bunch of eel skins to sell to make elven eel pies. Then we go back to town, our bag of healing drained.

Sunday, July 17, 2022

Castle Whiterock log 11 July 2022: Eely annoying

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

In town, Thrognar fills up his emergency major healing potion and goes to the town orphanage and drops off 9,000 copper farthings. This makes the orphans happy. Afterwards, he and Garreth take the blabberwort to Quintus. Quintus claps his hands and smiles widely once he sees the blabberwort. "Ah! Splendid! Blabberwort! Come back in a while and I will have the herbicide for you. It is too bad Stonemaul is not here. Dwarven hatred works well in herbicide."

Garreth blinks. "I got plenty of hatred right here."

Quintus says, "Well, think hateful thoughts while crouching down really low." Garreth growls low and angry and sees swirling images of the hydra melting and dissolving in the brew.  Quintus pats him on the back. "That's the spirit!" Then, he moves carefully away from Garreth. "Try thinking about plants, not just the hydra." Garreth thinks about that hydra then pushes his hatred towards the mana-eating plants in his memory. 

He stays that way for a couple days beside the cauldron before wandering off to get riotously drunk and wrestle with Logan. Then he sleeps for the rest of the week, waking only to eat.

I spend the week hiding out, drinking in the gutter. After a few days, the bar owners are putting up missing persons posters. I see my face drawn on a pitcher of milk, and then find the artist and bid him to do a better job. The artist says, "I'm sorry Zaber, but the best artist in town, Lord Flitwick, has gone missing." So I draw a crude camel on the milk jug, and label it, "Wickprick." After a few hours I hear hearsay that I'll turn into a camel if I ever sober up.

I go looking for Seépravir to find out where Flitwick is, or if she has a spell that can help me get Flitwick's daughter into bed. Seep is busy ascending to a higher plane of consciousness, so I just get plastered instead, dance in my underwear at the bar, and sleep with a barmaid. The barmaid looks much less like an elf princess when I wake up, so I shudder. "Happens every time."

Sometime later as the sun beams down Chauntessa comes up to me. "I think that's enough antics for this week, Zaber. It's the weekend and time for you to get Garreth and your other friends and head back to Whiterock. My staff might work themselves to death if you stayed around over the weekend."

I ask her, "Can you get me my clothes? Your barmaid stole them." I run outside in my undergarments to everyone's laughter, and Chauntessa announces a scavenger hunt to find my clothes. Folks find my clothes over half the town over the next few hours, while I gather with Thrognar and Garreth at the Slumbering Drake. "I really should settle down and get drunk with the same woman every night. Avoid surprises for what awaits me when I wake."

Chauntessa laughs. "If you drank with the same girl every night they'd die of alcohol poisoning, it's going to be days before my barmaid dries out enough to work." I point out that none of the other patrons drink enough to sleep with her, so she should be safe. Garreth says I should hook up with a half-orc woman, and Thrognar says I should pick a dwarf woman. Neither seem right. "I'd toss the dwarf woman. The half-orc woman would toss me."

We drag Logan out of the pantry of the Slumbering Drake, and Chauntessa has folks find Polly and bring her back. With them together, we set forth for the lake again. Garreth leads us back to the room where we fought the eel and merrow. 

In the room, we find a ratty old giant clam shell against the wall. When we move it, we find a small alcove. I look a little more, and inside we find an eelskin pouch, a metal rod about two feet long with many dents in it, a flash, and a bunch of big fish jaws. I look at the rod for a moment, and realize this isn't the fabled Rod of the Hedgehog. I hand it to Bleu, who takes it and hands it to Garreth.

Garreth taps the rod against a nearby wall then swings it around. It's kind of graceful as a mace, but not as a two-handed sword. Then he holds it up against the clamshell and the dents match the clamshell. "This was used to pry and prop open dire clams. Let's keep an eye out for more clams. You wouldn't keep a tool like this around unless you had a purpose." He slides the rod into the Bag of Holding.

I ask Blah if any of this is magical, and she says it isn't. I look in the pouch and find a bunch of big pearls: white, smokey, and black. I also find a small pouch holding some smooth pebbles. Garreth says that you'd use the pebbles to start clams in growing pearls.

I also notice a twisty small passage wending its way into the rubble that the eel was hiding in. Garreth, Logan, and I squeeze in while Thrognar keeps watch at the entrance. After I walk a few feet, I feel the hair on the back of my head stand up. I look around me, as well as above and below. Up ahead I spot the flickering bodies of many baby eels. Beyond them I notice a scroll case with green gems glinting off it. The eels look at me with open mouths, like they haven't been fed in a week. Logan looks back at the eels, also thinking they are tasty.

I hide, and the eels start to back off. Logan runs forward and eats the eels with a minimal shock. The tunnel is a place of carnage, blood, and dismembered floating bits of electric eel misery. I grab the scroll case, slimy with eel bits. It is pewter-worked with emeralds.

We get out and I show the scroll case to Blah, who tells me that it is a Scroll Case of Power that grants three energy for casting scrolls left in it overnight and holds ten scrolls. I sarcastically say that it sounds exciting, which makes Bleu almost excited. She helpfully tells me all about the Power spell, which is related to Recover Energy. I pretend to listen, and nod.

We go north past the hydra lair and find a pile of rubble that seems like it might have once been a tower. We see the sweeping wall heading off to the West and check it out. We keep going west, and it bends a little to the southwest, and see the back door to the room where we drank in the bubbles.

Not far past the back door, we find a hunk of the wall that has fallen into a pile of shifting white rock rubble. The barren landscape is pockmarked by clumps of plant growth here and there, and swarms of tiny fish dart in and out of the rocky crevices.

I don't see anything hazardous, but feel tingly. I check things out, usual full circle and above/below look. I circle around, hey, there are more interesting rocks over there too, around the corner. I move more warily towards there. I check the currents … something has me on edge

I have Logan smell, and he gets excited. I slip towards the bend, and let Logan swim to eat whatever it is in the pile of rocks.

Monday, July 11, 2022

Castle Whiterock 27 June 2022: In the colony of Slippermen

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
(Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior)

What they did

I belch. "Hey, let's get that blabbermouth stuff for Quint!" The Aquan potion still is working, so everyone understands me.

Thrognar says, "Agreed. Where was the blabberwort again?" Polly and I both point him towards the blabberworts. "Then let's be off. Thank you for your hospitality, pixies."

Caendril yells at him, "NIXIES!"

Thrognar blushes. "Sorry, a vocal typo."

Garreth nods. "We'll see you again!"

We walk over to the blabberwort stocks. Garreth tells Thrognar that the plant is hostile, but Polly says, "It was just hungry and thought we were delicious. Probably." I slip between the blabberwort plants and use my knife to harvest seven fronds oozing with acidic goodness.

We go back towards the nixen lair, but veer left. We think we see a secret door in the wall. Bleu gets a good look. "As you can see, the sedimentation pattern here shows that this has undergone gradual buildup over the course of … " So on, so forth, "… that area however has been disturbed by actual hands to conceal an entrance in the otherwise natural rock formation."

Garreth says, "So that means a secret door?

Thrognar asks him, "Does she always go on like this?"

Garreth shrugs. "I hired her for water breathing and flight and stuff. Brevity wasn't a required qualification. She's great at what she does."

Bleu keeps babbling. "From the indentations you can see it clearly also houses spear traps. The spear traps appear to be a design of class 7 spears often associated with ogres." Bleu lectures us about ogre spear designs of the past several centuries.

I tell her the truth: "I like you better when you don't talk, Bleu." I go up to the door and disarm its trap.

Thrognar asks, "Shall we see what's hidden behind the door?"

Polly looks at me. "Sure! Maybe there's orks."

I give Polly a shit-eating grin and open the door.

It is hard to see how high the ceiling is in this big room, as there are many nets are strung up along most of it, as well dangling from an archway. The nets are clogged with brown and green bits of algae. Ahead of us there is a pile of jagged rocks in what looks to have been more of the room. Along the righthand wall is a big pile of dead plants and soft tufts of bright green algae.

Garreth hypnotizes himself.  I go in and start swim upwards to check out the nets, but I spot a 20-foot-long eel ahead. I flip it off to see if it understands or even sees, more to the point. The hair on the back of my head stands on end, so I go no farther towards it.

The eel looks at me and sparks. "Funny, I didn't know it knew body Common!" We all pull out our weapons, and it sparks more. I keep feeling tingling, so I hold up my hand to hold everyone back, and wait for it to come to us. Thrognar steps and summons godly might.

I feel something coil about snugly from behind and grapple me. The great fishy beast coiling around me hacks at Logan with its halberd, but he gets out of the way. It also swings at Bleu, but she Blinks away, and Logan steps away from the rest of its blows. The eel swims up and lets out an electric shock, wounding all of us, and stunning Garreth and Logan, though Garreth snaps back fast.

Polly readies her buckler and new rapier and swims in reach of the eel. I try to cut the merrow but cannot hurt it through the pain. Thrognar stabs the eel in the eye, killing it, and gets his sword out before it gives off a dying shock. It shocks the rest of us, leaving Polly and me stunned as well as Logan.

The merrow hurls me at Thrognar. Thrognar drops his sword, reaches out, and grabs me, twisting in the water to stall the momentum. I am a bit dizzy and fall from his grip. It then swims forward swiftly, grabs Logan with its tail, and slashes at Polly four times with its halberd. It looks like she's dead but somehow is still standing.

Garreth slashes at the merrow and Bleu casts Great Haste on him. His second blow hits, knocking it out. Polly snaps awake and kills it before it can wake.

We heal up. Garreth pulls out the bag of healing potions, and Thrognar drinks a potion of Major Healing. After about twenty swigs between us, we're all healed.

Garreth asks Bleu, "What is that thing that attacked us? Is it worth talking to?"

Bleu tells Garreth, "It is a Merrow, a type of Sea Ogre. Normally they are extremely dumb, however according to Von Hofflestein's Postulate only the dumb ones are observed as intelligent ones stay away from civilization and adventuring parties. According to the Magnimus Cranius, Magnimus Brainius Law it may be intelligent, like a dragon, however, some arguments hold this is not true, as ogres and minotaurs are less sagacious. We could extract its brain and unfold it to see, a more wrinkled brain encodes more information by the Dwarven Engraving Movement."

I poke Logan and whisper in his ear, then he goes up to Bleu and licks her face again and again. She at last gets that Logan is licking her and looks at me. "Why is your mustelid licking my face?"

I tell her the truth. "Because I think it's funny."

Bleu says, "Please, this is a serious delve"

Garreth blinks at Bleu as Logan licks her face again. "What made you think that? You're in a dungeon with a drunken master and a wolverine."

I add, "And a master drunk."

Polly adds, "And an elven archer!"

Bleu helpfully gives examples of Delving Law, going back to the 74th Legislature of Mondrian.

I ask the others if they want him to stop. They don't say anything, so I laugh until I am bored, then I wave at Logan to stop.

Thrognar asks Bleu if if anything of the eel is worth something. Bleu says, "You can attempt to harvest the electric organs. They can be sold or used to fashion lightning javelins or the like." I take a look at the merrow body, and I find that it's wearing eelskin armor and a shiny silver ring. I beckon Bleu over and she says that those are magical, as well as the dueling halberd it wielded, made from hydra fangs. Carved into the halberd are some words in Dwarven, which I read:

"To my friend and supplier Trosk -Impresario
"May yours nets prove ever bountiful"

I shrug. "Mistah Trosk, he dead." We go back to Cillamar to get Polly's Bless renewed.

Monday, June 27, 2022

Castle Whiterock 13 June 2022: Carry On Nixen

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

I point out the urchins. Garreth eyes them and Logan growls at them, and bubbles come out of his mouth. 

Since everyone agrees, I pull out my knife and slash the urchin twice, wounding it. It sticks its spikes back at me but misses. Logan bites twice at an urchin, but his bites cannot get through the stout carapace. Its spines miss him, then he sticks his claws in the gaps in its carapace, and wounds it. Thrognar runs at an urchin with his Seraphic Lance and hurts it. Polly moves into range. Garreth whips out Scalemar and concentrates. Stonemaul shows up as the urchins try to shove their spines in the rest of us but miss. He charges into an urchin with his shield then chops it with his katana, and gets away from its spines.

Again, I cut the urchin nearest me, again wounding it, and again getting away from its spines. Logan shoves his claws into the carapace, trying to get what he thinks has to taste good, and wounds it and gets away from the spines. Thrognar drops his lance, pulls out his greatsword, and chops an urchin to bits. Polly likewise pulls out her rapier and chops up an urchin, even getting a slice at another one nearby when she fells the first one. The urchins shove their spines into us, not only missing, but the one on me falls onto my knife, dying. "And, ah, let that be a lesson to you, you spiny squishy thing!" Garreth whacks it with Scalemar, but takes a spine back. The poison runs through his blood and … does nothing, since he's Garreth. Stonemaul kills an urchin with his katana.

I turn to another urchin and cut it up, while Logan fights to get to eat his lunch. Thrognar stuns the urchin near him with his blows, and Polly kills an urchin. At last, Logan gets a moment and pulls open the urchin, and eats its yummy innards.

I step inside the tower, and the others follow. Through the gloom of the darkness at least half a dozen swimming humanoids come out. Each levels a loaded crossbow not quite toward your group and waits. The six-inch-tall humanoids have delicate scales and flowing long hair that sometimes betrays elven-like ears. Each wears a simple loincloth and vest and carries a shortsword at his or her side. As they drift closer, a muscular nix comes nearer, wearing mail armor made of interlocking shells.

Garreth raises his hand and waves, then says in Aquan, "Glug!" After a few glugs back and forth, the nixen swim towards us with vials. Garreth says these these potions will let us speak Aquan, so we glug the potion of glug. The nix, named Caendril, then lets us inside. The nixen gather the shells of the urchins and feed them to us, and bring out some Kelpenbrau, which are a big bubbles of alcohol in which you float, drinking the booze around you. 

As I float in the bubble, Garreth sings for the nixen, and Logan harmonizes. After a rousing concert, the nixen ask us to hand over our missile weapons to bless them. I hand over my crossbow, as does everyone else, though Polly balks a little at handing over her bow. Then, we promise to come back in a week to get our weapons, bring snacks, and have Garreth and Logan sing again. They also give Garreth a counter to the urchin poison, though it hasn't hurt him much as it is.

Sunday, June 5, 2022

Castle Whiterock 23 May 2022: We all babble on

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
(Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior)

What they did

We take Bleu to the Temple of Ildavir to bring her back to life. There, we meet Elias, who greets us. "I wish I could have joined you for the flailing but I have been so busy here at the temple." He takes a look at Bleu's body. "Ah! The spirit has fled the body, may Ildavir bless her soul! But is not completely fled. Please insert 14,000 copper into yon donation box before she arrives at the Great Tree in the Sky." Garreth dutifully counts out coins. Eli yells, "Flailings!" and waves his flail vigorously. It has Flaming Weapon on it. Acolytes hurry to move flammable relics away from him. "Where's evil?"

Garreth and I start drinking the sacramental wine, and Garreth gives Elias a swig of whatever he carries from his hip flask. Elias drinks long enough to stop swinging his flail, then starts the ceremony:

"Sword Cut, spear stab, mace smash, arrow jab,
"Let the white light of healing descend on thee.
"Let the white light of healing stop thy spilling blood.
"Let the white light of healing mend thy bones.
"Let the white light of healing close thy wounds.
"Let the white light of healing restore thy vigor.
"The white light of healing hath resurrected thee.”

Eli flails the flaming flail around over Bleu and has an acolyte splash her with sacred wine which roars to flame as it hits the flail, and in a great cascade of flames Bleu is now in one piece again.

Meanwhile, I'm smoking the incense. After coughing from my first incense joint, I find a less harsh incense, then see that I look around for more sacred wines. "Why do folks suddenly have less booze when we're around?"

Garreth watches for signs of life. Bleu's eyes flutter open. "Oh, am I alive again? Oh, yes, I am fine."

Garreth gently touches her hand. "You gonna make it, little lady? Sorry about that. We got the hydra, but things were touch and go for a while."

I come over to the ceremony, big blunt of the temple's finest incense in one hand and a bottle of sacramental wine in the other, and ask Bleu, "So, ah, Bleu, what did you see before you woke up?"

Thrognar wanders over and asks, "Yes, what was waiting for you?"

Bleu says, "I was counting leaves of the Great Tree and making notes on how many and what colors."

Garreth asks, "So, was that paradise or punishment?"

Bleu says, "It was restful."

Garreth says, "The Tree will still be there next time. For now, there's more loot to get."

I am about to ask about the leaves of the Great Tree, but realize that Bleu will never shut up about them, so I stop. I'm not that drunk or stoned. Then I see Logan rooting around in a coffin. "Logan, get out of that! Sorry, I'm sure the deceased's family will understand that wolverines do that while looking for food."

Eli says, "Uhm, please have your mustelid put the limb of the deceased back." Logan puts back the arm.

An acolyte brings sawdust cookies and says, "Body of the Great Tree." Logan leans up and eats a bunch right off the platter. I try one; they taste like sawdust but are high in fiber. Logan doesn't care.

This delights Elias. "Ah! The Mustelid is a true believer! We must have more sawdust cookies!" He leaves.

The acolyte says, "Oh no, last time Father Eli went to the Reliquary of Sawdust there was—" BOOOOM!

Garreth shrugs. He calmly takes out some free range organic goat jerky (extra chewy) and starts chewing. The acolyte, now worried, says, "Oh no, we will need to close the temple for repairs. Perhaps you gentlemen, gentleladies, and um, gentlemustelid would care to visit some other time?"

I belch. "Yeah, I just drank the last of your sacramental wine, so we totally need to move on."

The acolyte's face falls farther. "Oh no, we must brew more sap wine." His green hair seems to be prematurely greying as he talks.

Garreth wanders out chewing goat jerky. I look around as I walk out. "Wow, this is starting to resemble the last bar we were at. You should open it up for happy hour more often." Logan follows Garreth, who has the jerky, and we can hear the acolyte weeping in despair behind us. I tell Polly, "Y'know, Polly, if more churches had happy hour, I'd go to church more!" Garreth burps, releasing a hellacious mix of Sriracha Goat jerky and rotgut liquor.

Logan nudges Garreth's hand, looking up at him for food. Garreth eyes the wolverine. "Is he safe to eat sriracha?"

I say, "Aw, you know him. He'll eat shit on rubber." Garreth tears off a hunk and drops it to the wolverine. Logan eats up the jerky, oblivious to the spiciness, and looks up at Garreth again.

Quintus dodders over, "There you are! Have you found the Bladderwort?"

Garreth says, "Oh, we saw it, I think, but there were sharks, and a Hydra and …. It's been a mess. One thing lead to another and bam! We're in the temple drinking booze and paying for resurrections."

Quintus says, "I can't finish up your herbicide without it, though goodness knows where I'll find the time with Lyssa done being all independent."

I ask, "Wait, why were we in the temple when we could have gone to one of the taverns?"

Polly says, "We were visiting Eli I think and Thrognar had to use the Sun Box."

I say, "Oh, yeah, that's right, the temple had happy hour."

Garreth says, "And barkeeps can't cast resurrection … yet."

Quintus asks, "Happy Hour at the Temple of Ildavir?"

Garreth asks, "Did you know they keep wine in there?"

I say, "They kept wine, yes. But they chased us out. Eli blew up something while making cookies."

Quintus nods. "That Eli was inordinately fond of Flaming Weapon."

Thrognar says, "Yes, very rude of them. We didn't blow anything up."

Quintus chuckles. "Sure, you didn't blow anything up. Why, just last week at the Slumbering Drake I heard a rumor that a vampire named Ivy kept claiming she didn't blow anything up!"

I ask, "Did she blow up anything?"

Quintus grins, "Probably. If she didn't blow anything up why would she claim she didn't? Not that I ever talked to her myself."

I say, "Well, we didn't blow up anything yet, but we've only been back a few hours." I think for a moment, then remember something. "Hey, wait, Quintus, did you know we saw some of that bladderwort stuff down in the lake?"

Garreth asks, "Wait, they had a vampire in the Drake?" He looks at the sword on his back. "Does consorting with vampires make a dragon evil?"

Quintus says, "Aren't most dragons evil? I suppose it depends on the dragon and the vampire."

I say, "The ones with long-lost vintages definitely are. Hey, wait, wasn't there something about a vampire?"

Bleu starts babbling about Veil theory, which this vampire allegedly wrote. It seems to be kind of like describing blades of grass on both sides of your neighbors fence, except none of them are actually greener. I say, "Y'know, she had more interesting stories to tell until we brought her to the bar for Eli."

After some more chatter about dragons, evil, apprentices, resurrection, herbicide, weeds, and moral relativism, we get ready to set forth for the lake. I let Garreth know that he has to dress up for the nixen, so he gets into into his courtly getup from the last time he performed, and loads his armor into the bag of holding.

I try to figure out Bleu's Veil theory. It seems to be that there are the normal things you see, and then there are the things like werewolves, succubi and vampires that hide among people, unseen, and eat them. "Y'know, Bleu, you look way hotter when you're not talking, right?" Bleu helpfully talks about many theories of physical and mental attraction, like Von Hollinger's Twelfth Axiom of Mutual Incompatibility, and something about putting fruit flies into jars. I facepalm.

So, we set forth for the lake, and when we get there, Garreth puts on the Aquan ring, and we go back into the underwater arena. There, a 15-foot-wide fallen swath of wall leads into the inky darkness of the tower. A thick carpet of brown-green algae clings to the walls, hanging over the opening. There is a little light, but its nearer to nothing than something.

I go first because I know the nixen will be thrilled to see me. When I step forth, I see a bunch of big spiky things hiding among the algae. They look like the big spiky things that shot holes in the skiffs earlier. Logan sniffs to see if he can eat them, and I wave to everyone that we might have a problem.

Garreth calls out in Aquan, "Glurgle gurgle glug glug."

A nixie says back in Aquan, "Glug glug gurgle gurgle."

Garreth shrugs and draws Scalemar.

Sunday, May 22, 2022

GURPS Challenges

 I have an idea for a third volume of the GURPS Basic Set. In the great love of the letter "C," which I suss out from "Characters," "Campaigns," "Compendium," and "Charles," I call this GURPS Challenges.

What is a challenge? Well, it's an hurdle that the PCs must overcome. The most common challenge is a monster or alien of other bad guy whom the PCs must kill, but so is getting into the Eyes Wide Shut-style orgy where the crime boss will be. Getting past a locked door is a challenge. Traps are challenges. Keeping away from an avalanche is a challenge. Getting through a bad flu when you have to fight a fleshy-headed mutant in the Forbidden Zone is a challenge. (I recommend beer for the last one.)

The idea for this book is a mash-up of many ideas. In a way, this is the GURPS Compendium for 4e. It has been 17 years since 4e came out; Steve Jackson Games can breech "no Compendia for 4e," as it was 18 years from the release of 1e to the release of 4e. There's no 5e in the near-future; this is how we can patch these holes. A few chapters are things that come wholesale from other GURPS books and should be in the Basic Set.

Second is the idea that "GURPS needs a monster manual." There are problems with this since GURPS is generic and, as Kromm has said, it's more like Fudge than like D&D, but a little less meta than Fudge. However, there is a need of "things to kill." Savage Worlds, also a generic system, does a much better job of choosing these for its core book, and gave over about the same amount of space to it in the Adventure Edition is GURPS gave in the Basic Set. There's no space wasted on deer, four bears, and nine equines, but instead there are ogres, soldiers, giant worms, mechs, alligators, zombies, and more. Those are going to be used more than the extra ursines and equines or any deer. Gaming Ballistic had a big Kickstarter on a Bestiary. Folks like challenges.

So, what goes into this? First thing is that there needs to be a list of what genres this will address. I'd start with the worked example lines: ActionAfter the EndDungeon FantasyMonster Hunters. Add to those the the published settings for Fourth Edition: BanestormDiscworldGirl GeniusInfinite WorldsPrime Directive (or a generic Star Trek-ish setting), Reign of SteelTranshuman SpaceTraveller. Throw in a few common other genres: Cowboys, Cyberpunk, Eldritch Horror, Ninjas, Pirates, Superheroes, World War 2. For each setting, there will need to be at least one of each challenge. Many will bleed over from setting to setting, and others will be generic; an illness for a bunch of cowboys is going to be something like tetanus, which is going to be handy in many settings since it's a real-world illness. The reason for making challenges for specific genres is to make sure you have many bases covered in terms of point level, Tech Level, magic level, superpower level, and so on, but the less genre-specific you can make that challenge, the better.

What are challenges? Well, let's abstract what the tasks are for roleplaying games. As I see them, these are the most common abstract tasks:
  1. How do I hurt someone or something?
  2. How do I (or someone else or something) avoid getting hurt?
  3. How do I heal damage?
  4. How do I convince someone to do or believe something?
  5. How do I keep someone from convincing me?
  6. How do I hide someone or something?
  7. How do I find someone or something hidden?
  8. How do I move someone or something?
  9. How do I keep someone or something for moving?
Some of these map up well to GURPS books. The first two are in GURPS Martial Arts; the fourth and fifth ones are for GURPS Social Engineering. You can come up with other GURPS books in the idea of addressing some of these; a putative GURPS Medicine would bring all the many healing rules (and add more illnesses) into one book, while the last four items could be something like GURPS Thievery. Moving also is related to a GURPS Vehicles; any of these pertaining to animals and plants would be rules for a  GURPS Bestiary.

Anyways, what do these mean in game terms? What goes in this book? First off is a bestiary, or a bunch of foes who can cause pain (addressing the first two meta-tasks). I’d start with three foes—fodder, worthy, boss—for each campaign idea. After making these foes, there would be notes for how to handle these in other campaigns. This might mean shaving off a trait to make it more portable; it might mean having a note for how a dragon will work in a world of ray guns. (This is the premise for Rifts.) A comic book supervillain could get tweaks to work as a fantasy wizard; a samurai with a laser sword is—well, you know that one. Add some more thoroughly generic foes, like giant Venus flytraps or giant spiders for the third act, and you have examples of how GURPS can have versatile but ready-to-use foes. Ideally, many of these would be utterly divorced than the inspiring campaign idea. (Chaosium's Basic Roleplaying has a reasonably good list.)

To add to these foes, add ways to modify them. Racial templates. Mutations. Prefixes (like in GURPS Dungeon Fantasy Monsters 1). Much of the genre-specific nature of these should be left out to allow for space elves and wild west greys.

Beyond these foes meant for combat, there could be a bunch of adversaries for social situations. I’m  talking about snobby gatekeepers, stingy merchants, crooked gamblers, desperate pickpockets, rival politicians. Folks you’re not planning on having to fight but who have something you want. (They’d have enough stats for a fight, much as the fighting foes would have enough stats to handle requests to step aside. Nothing too dramatic, however.) Again, make them more generic so you can use them across many campaigns. In many ways, the foes themselves are an excuse to introduce how to handle a social situation with GURPS mechanics. The NPCs aren't as important as the situations they'll key, but some of their traits will be relevant. Go through GURPS Social Engineering to find the general situations: haggling, debate, trial (and a quick legal system for punishments), asking for information, that kind of stuff. Thinking about it, it might be better to have situations, with NPCs incidental.

Some systems for challenges can come from published works. One is traps from Dungeon Fantasy. Not only can there be traps for fantasy thieves to disable, there can be ones for spaceport rabble, for soldiers on the Italian Front, for infiltrating a hostile computer system. (When you get down to it, a program looking for intruders is a trap. You can extend the trap paradigm over many instances.) As before, make one trap for each sample campaign, make it more generic, and add some truly generic traps, like the wilderness traps in GURPS Dungeon Fantasy 16: Wilderness Adventures.

A challenge mostly left out in GURPS is illness. (Which is why I tried getting a Pyramid article on it published, but I digress.) There are rules for illnesses in GURPS Basic Set Campaigns (and in DFRPG Exploits), but no samples given. So, like traps and foes, make one for each campaign, then some basic real-world ones. These need to be curated so that they’re game-relevant. There are a bunch in GURPS Compendium II for 3e, but some of these are too long-term for most games. (Leprosy in particular can fall off.) GURPS Bio-Tech likewise has a few; these are better examples, though there is need of some more mundane illnesses as well as fantastic ones.

I mentioned GURPS Dungeon Fantasy 16: Wilderness Adventures above. The hazards it has for outdoor threats could be extended to other threats. A whole bunch of GURPS Action 5: Dictionary of Danger are hazards like these as well, and they’re generic and work in many settings. Much of GURPS Action 5: Dictionary of Danger would work as battlefield hurdles as well.

There are a few things that have come up in other GURPS books over the years that are generic and thus belong in something like a Compendium (but isn't wholly one). I'll once again talk about GURPS Dungeon Fantasy 16: Wilderness Adventures and also throw in GURPS After the End 2: The New World since both have rules for outdoor adventures (and both are among my favorite GURPS supplements, much as GURPS Action 5: Dictionary of Danger is). Those need to be in the Basic Set, so they'll wind up here. You can borrow some of GURPS Underground Adventures, "GURPS Fathom Five" from Pyramid #3/26: Underwater Adventures, and GURPS Action 9: The City; the point is to have many adventuring environments covered.

Beyond the adventuring environment, the expanded surprise rules from DFRPG were in How to Be a GURPS GM: Combat Encounters, so they'll have to be in here, too. (And can there be a bit about random starting distances for encounters?) GURPS Action 2: Exploits has rules for chases. These likewise could be made more generic and address getting away from anything and be here. (Aside: why is the interval for HT checks when running 15 seconds? That doesn't sound bad in of itself, but when you're dealing with seeing how much ground was covered, you're multiplying Move by 15, which is annoying. Why not make this 10 seconds instead? Even 20 seconds would be better. Unify all this, please. This is like hot dogs coming in packs of 12 but hot dog buns coming in packs of 10.)

One last thing I'll throw in as a thing to have here are scenario structures. How do you handle crawling in GURPS: dungeon crawls, hex crawls, urban crawls? How about mysteries? Heists? Raids? Races? Investigations? Traveller-like exploration? This is something that GURPS has lacked, like many other games as of late, which often forces things into a railroad, which is never a good game outside of a convention or other demonstration. GMs need help here, and this would not only help GURPS GMs, but GMs of other systems. It could be a drawing card for inquiring GMs to switch to GURPS if they have scenario structure help in a crunchy GURPS book. It would help sell one book, at least.

So, we're talking about 75 combat foes, and about 25 each of non-combat foes, traps, illnesses, and hazards/hurdles. Assuming the combat foes take up two to a page and the others take up three, those are about 70 pages or so, not counting explanations and extra rules for them. Adding the don't-call-it-a-Compendium stuff (outdoor survival, surprise, chases, scenarios), and the book looks like about 128 pages. Increasing the crunchy bits by 50% would make the book about 160 pages. I’m not sure having more crunchy bits beyond this will add more.

Somethings that I'm not throwing in here are player traits, things with point costs. There's a series for just that, the GURPS Power-Ups series. You want a bunch of disadvantages, skills, or techniques? Those are possible GURPS Power-Ups supplements. They're a big reason the GURPS Compendia 4e haven't happened yet. Essentially, you only need GURPS Compendium II, and anyone from the 3e days can say that we didn't use GURPS Compendium II as much as we used GURPS Compendium I.

What GURPS supplements come nearest to this? I'm going to pick out GURPS After the End 2: The New World as the best example of this. There are about twenty stat blocks for foes with many ways to easily tweak them, and there's plenty of variety. There are ways to mess with players like illnesses, outdoor survival, and hazards like radiation. RPK clearly put a lot of work into making sure a you could go into this book and quickly find something you could throw at your players, without having to spend too much time learning how it works.

Criteria for including stat blocks, or why the red deer shouldn't be in the GURPS Basic Set

There are criteria for choosing which stat blocks that go in any published work. There's one key criterion that is above all others, and that criterion is:

What the hell do I think the buyers of this book will do with this stat block?

The most common thing is to fight the creature. Seems basic, right? Why is the basilisk in GURPS Basic Set Campaigns? Easy, so players can fight the basilisk. A corollary to the idea that if it has stats, you can kill it is that to kill it, it has to have stats. Stats are how the game system interacts with the beast. In the end, the foe is a game element.

Another reason to include a creature is to be buddies with it, or at least have it be some kind of sidekick for a character. While I think there are too many horses in GURPS Basic Set Campaigns or at least the book should summarize the minor differences more succinctly, there is a need for a horse. Characters will often ride horses, carry stuff on horses, or even buy them as Allies. Having the stat block helps define those uses, and even serves as a way of advertising them. Nothing says that you can have a horse as a a mount, a beast of burden, or an Ally better than printing the stats for a horse.

A third reason is to be the creature. I haven't made a fuss about including a house cat since preternaturally intelligent cats are often protagonists in fiction. (Plus I'm a cat person.) They're also good choices for Alternate Forms since they're everywhere. Cats in roleplaying games are so common that a few folks evaluate roleplaying games by how they handle cat-on-human combat, so they have that additional use for some strange reason. (Multiple uses are good.)

A fourth reason is to show something. You also might see that I've left out the oxen from my criticism. Well, there's actually a use for the oxen, though one the GURPS Basic Set doesn't take up: you can use an oxen to show off trampling. Alright, a buffalo would be better here, but the point is that you can write out an example of a game situation—a trampling attack, in this case—that is not uncommon but hardly the norm. You don't need more than one beast to show off trampling attacks, much as you don't need four bears with full stats since you've made your point.

So back to Bambi. He's a boring foe since most characters can beat him easily and hunting is abstracted anyways. Nobody buys him since he's wild and can't go into town with you. Likewise, he's not a common choice to play, though some druid somewhere might want to turn into him to deliver a message or go full antler. He doesn't show off traits that are interesting. The traits he does show off are common. Bambi is getting in the way of the Tick-Tock Croc, who would be better since at least some characters would find him a challenge.

Oh, yeah. There should be some level of uniqueness to a monster or NPC entry. In the Basic Set, a different kind of horse just needs a sentence or two saying what traits are different from the main horse entry. You don't need two creatures whose purpose is to be an example for trampling.

Mind you, this doesn't apply to what would appear in GURPS Bestiary. I want to see Bambi in there, with a full set of traits. At that point, the buyer can figure out what he or she wants from the animal; that is the point of the book.