Showing posts with label Castle Whiterock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Castle Whiterock. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Castle Whiterock: Garreth speaks

Dungeon Fantasy Whiterock

by Zuljita, aka Garreth

In April of 2018, Dripton ran session 1 of Dungeon Fantasy Whiterock. A hundred sessions later, he ran his last session in on June 26, 2020. I meant to write a retrospective when that campaign ended, but my life changed radically around that time and my priorities had to change. A month or so later, Kalzazz decided he wasn’t done with the game and decided to run it primarily as a GM, but kept his character as a participant in the story, albeit much less active. I’m going to set out to do a two-part retrospective, first on Dripton's game and Kalzazz’s continuation, and another part on the content produced by Dungeon Crawl Classics. I’m going to try to keep spoilers to that last section. If you hope to play in this dungeon in future, I’d avoid reading that.

Dripton’s game

From the get-go Dripton was an attentive and intensely prepared GM, his preparation meant we (almost?) never ran off the edge of the map, and he was always ready to run. I don’t know that we missed even one scheduled game session in the 100 we played. He characterized the monsters and the NPCs very well and never gave us too much of an impression of being railroaded. The most heavy handed leading he did in the whole game was two points: session 1, when he used an NPC to get us started on the path to the dungeon, and session 98 or 99 when he had Chauntessa give us the final quest.  

We had a lot of back and forth over character points, which in the end, was part of what caused the game to break down. In retrospect, I think possibly the way to fix this would be to give just one point per session in terms of “attendance points” and put a much greater emphasis on milestones, e.g., “Level 1 cleared” being worth 10-15 points, “NPC rescued” 3 points, “Entered Secret Zone” 2 points.  Then the rewards for moving slow and finding every piece of treasure(which we absolutely did) are mitigated somewhat.

Wizards in GURPS are far more broad and consistent than their D20 counterparts, who are flashier and more explosive. That core difference makes a lot of other things change. That’s especially true with a wizard who’s comfortable taking a back seat in most combats to provide broad passive bonuses to the whole party.  

A few spells in particular stick out as problematic in conversion in their own ways: 

Bless does a whole lot.  The cost for keeping the whole party blessed is -1 per member to spellcasting.  We handled this pretty easily and the long term duration meant we kept the benefits between sessions even when the caster wasn’t around. I think I’d like to rewrite bless for DF to make it more immediate, less powerful, and less long lasting, with an eye towards how the spell works in D&D.

Great Haste is a force multiplier. It more than doubles the power of a melee fighter. It starts feeling powerful, and ends feeling insane. Dripton ended up capping players at 3 attacks per second. The players didn’t take that change very well. I think in hindsight, if we’d had that as a restriction from the get-go, or been allowed to adjust existing characters around the new speed limit, it would have gone over much better.  

Mass Daze ended up being absurdly powerful, both in terms of wrecking large groups of enemies and in terms of allowing a wizard to affect larger SM monsters. I think I’d adjust all the “mass” spells to have some caveats around that sort of scaling. Daze in particular ends up being “save or die” in GURPS because of how easy it is to take advantage of a defenseless opponent.

Buff spells that can be maintained indefinitely (Darkvision, Keen senses, Flight, Haste) feel overpowered.  I’d like to adjust that somehow as well. I fear that ends up looking like a complete overhaul of the magic system. I suspect that might be what’s required to make the two systems assumptions work well together. I feel like Incantation is almost there, but, needs a bit more tweaking and a much more robust list of available spells.

Dripton had a few “save for half damage” effects that he translated over unchanged, which I felt at the time wasn’t in the spirit of the system. Looking back, I’m increasingly comfortable with making sure players just take some damage, and communicating to players that they need to plan accordingly.

Kal’s continuation

Kalzazz took up the torch on 8/24/20 and ran for 70+ sessions. His approach to GMing is far more improvisational. Where Dripton took maps and stripped out square grids and added hexes, Kalzazz just told us to treat the squares more or less the same as hexes. Very few monsters had statblocks from this time forward.

Kal kept us on a pretty steady diet of 2 cp for attendance and 1 for a written recap, which Demented Avenger provided. We ended the game up 216 points from where Dripton left us, with Kal granting 100 more points as a reward for adventure conclusion. He also let us break the attack cap Dripton had set. If we keep using these characters, they are going to be even bigger and scarier than they were when they took on Sihouette and Benthos. Which is an interesting balance problem.  

On the balance front, both Zaber and I ended up continuing on mostly as a duo with occasional guest characters. This left some core competencies uncovered (spellcasting), so I took on a wizard ally to fill in the passive-ish spellcasting we were accustomed to with Seep. Zaber took on the wolverine we’d gotten from a bag of tricks as an ally who became a true combat monster, doing more raw damage per attack than Garreth by the end. Kal pulled no punches, if your active defenses fell through, you were probably going to take more than 50 damage. We had to resurrect Polly once, Bleu once and Logan was already Unkillable, but was reduced to recovering in his bag for a week once.

Kal kept trying to invite other players to the game who often lacked a lot of context for why we were still soldiering on with this game. Mostly, they seemed to struggle to find a place in the game or a place for the game in their schedule and drifted on. Sometimes the pacing struggled in terms of getting anything meaningful done in a 2 hour session, which I think was a shared issue between the players and the GM. There were also some interesting shifts in tone where Dripton had been much more serious and the game got a little sillier under Kalzazz’s direction.

Looking back on what Kal did, there are things I might have done differently, like preparing more of the monsters with stat blocks and changing the grid to a hex, but all of that would likely have kept me from running the game at the cadence that allowed us to finish in 3 years time. I’m glad we finished and I owe Kal a great debt for letting me see the end of this campaign.

To be continued …

Thursday, October 19, 2023

Whiterock 16 October 2023: Last blast

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

We find a fine, balanced, Dwarven naginata big enough for the lamia, so Hasna casts to end the Sleep of Ages. Garreth does a rousing concert. The sleeping man wakes with Chauntessa is cuddling and cooing over him. Sir Pennyworth scratches out the Pentagram, and the onlookers watch the lamia coil to strike us with baited breath.

Garreth shouts, stunning Hasna for a moment, then she snaps back, so he shouts again, stunning her again. He swings for her skull, but she parries the blow. Bleu casts Great Haste on Garreth. I step to grab Hasna, but she steps away into Logan grabbing her. Polly shoots her three times , but Hasna gets away.

Hasna gets her wits back, and pulls away from Logan. She swings at Garreth, but Bleu casts Blink Other to get him away. She looks at me and says, "Hey cutie, you should be on my side," with the most nauseating bat of her eyes, and I sneer back. She swats at Polly, but she steps back. And then, Hasna poofs, and we suddenly see her near the door, and a life-draining shadow in her stead.

Garreth yells and runs at her. "I can't see what the dragon saw in your raggedy catness."

Hasna scoffs. "You know that would have hurt if I still liked you. But you're a meanie, so no! I totally would have gone backstage with you if you didn't want to kill me, if you know what I mean."

Garreth swings at her head, but misses. Polly rushes over to shoot her Hasna, but misses. The shadow tries to touch Bleu, but she Blinks away. I rush at her with my knife out, but she gets out of the way. "I'm taking the high elf out afterwards because she's hotter, a better wizard, AND more exciting than you!" 

Hasna hisses back, "You have the worst taste in women, jerk!"

Logan slams into her, though he hurts almost as much as she does afterwards. He grabs her and tries to claw her, but she slips from his paws. Hasna sneers. "A magic mustelid? Seriously?" 

Garreth waves his sword. "You see, the wolverine is a living example of the power of friendship."

Hasna laughs. "He don't seem friendly to me!"

I recover from my swing. "He's not friendly to silicone lamia."

Garreth says, "He started as a little relatively normal wolverine, but with our constant friendship and attention, he grew into the magnificent specimen you see before you. Ain't he the cutest?" He looks down at Logan, who is foaming at the mouth. "Oh, and the magic of beer. Which is what he's foaming all over you." 

Hasna makes a fake smile at Logan. "Aw, what a cutesey wootsie widdle wolverinie!" Logan sticks out his middle talon, and Hasna runs towards the door. Suddenly, a shadow dragon shows up. "Pick on something more your own size!"

Garreth chucks a chora leaf throwing knife at the dragon, and as it hits, it vanishes. Then he focus his chi as Bleu casts Itch on Hasna, but it doesn't do much. I dash towards her and give her a good slash. Logan slams into her but bounces back after hitting. Then he steps forward again and slashes her. There is a blast of fire and a scream as the lamia leaves the Prime Material Plane.

Chauntessa looks up from her mate and breathes a sigh of relief. "I am glad that you didn't blow her up her inside the inn."

I look up. "Where do we go to have fun now?"

Post mortem

That was five years of my life I'll never get back and don't want to get back, because it was fun. Alex Prewett picked up the game after David Ripton dropped it, and embraced the power escalation.

In retrospect, we should have had a fixed rate of advancement. It started at 5 CP a session and went down to 1 CP a session, but when Alex took over it went to 2 CP since 1 CP a session is a really slow rate. It went up to 3 CP a session since I wrote a log after each session. (Did you really think these were all just for your literary enjoyment?) The solution should have been a fixed 2 CP a session at the get go, with maybe a bonus for a player-written log.

I picked playing a thief in part because John in my then-face-to-face game was playing Kim, and I was trying to see how to make the choice more effective. It was about a year into the game that David revealed that he hated the Stealth at the beginning of combat trick. I was wondering why he never let me pull that off. Anyways, I kept looking for ways to be more effective. At one point I was going for the feet all the time since they don't take much damage to cripple. From a build standpoint, the thief template in DFRPG needs to have the Craftiness talent, since they have to pay attention to eight thief skills. Also, a moderately-mighty wizard can take over most of these tasks, as Seépravir showed one session when I was away. I wound up with Danger Sense in part to have a trait that the wizard couldn't mimic.

Zaber's name comes from the Roger and the Muffins (to give you an insight as to how I see the eternal acrimony in my favorite band) song "Ibiza Bar," and he quickly became just "Zaber." I figure the aunt who raised him is the one person who calls him "Ibizaber." His personality is basically a curious frat boy: drunk and stoned all the time, chasing women ("Beer makes every woman look like an elf princess!"), shunning work, poking his head into wherever he gets an inkling that it might be interesting, and pulling back from whatever it is since he's a chickenshit. I kept away from branching into spellcasting since I feel that the study of magic doesn't befit a guy who finds his way to the bar for beer and wings if he has to bear a 10 lb. backpack to a class, but that's really the endpoint for this template.

The most notable thing off-template is Logan. He started life as a little magic item that David made to give us a little more oomph, and at some point, when Alex took over, I got the idea to turn him into an Ally. For personality, I based him off Hosehead.

Alex, Kyle, and I are talking about what to do next, though we're going to take a break of a few weeks for now. Kyle and I have been chatting about setting up hex crawl sandboxes, something about which I might know a thing or two. Things have to be more approachable for non-regular players; Garreth and Zaber have so many points that it's hard for someone to just make a casual player to make a character to just drop in, and we were the only players truly invested in the campaign storyline, having been around since the beginning.

Monday, October 16, 2023

Whiterock 9 October 2023: C'mon! I like looking at those!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

We ask Bleu about putting Hasna in a Pentagram and making her dispel Sleep of Ages, which she says Hasna could do, but she would get to resist the Pentagram. So, we bring the flask back to Cillamar.

We go into the Slumbering Drake and I put the flask on the bar. "Hey, Chauntessa, we need to chat."

Chauntessa says, "Yes, Zaber?"

I nod. "It involves your mate."

She grabs me by the collar and drags me to a private room. "Yes, Zaber?"

I hold up the flask. "OK, here's the scoop. The caster of Sleep of Ages is a lamia trapped in this flask. To get her to dispel her spell, it takes eight hours and losing the geas after an hour. Even if we somehow trap her in a Pentagram for eight hours to dispel the spell, and we might not be able to stuff her back inside."

Chauntessa sighs then growls, "Why does that matter? Who cares about the lamia if she frees my mate?" She clutches my shoulder and looks at me angrily.

My eyes widen at her unexpected aggression. "She has a Shadow Jump ability that lets her poof easily once the Pentagram is broken. She'll go somewhere and cause havoc, probably killing innocent people."

Chauntessa scoffs. "Fine, fine, I hire people to track her down and kill her afterwards. I still have some of my horde left."

Garreth, Bleu, and Logan come in the room, having followed us back. Garreth steps between Chauntessa and me, and I smooth my mail, making one step towards Bleu. He turns towards Chauntessa. "We're essentially going to have to make her cast this by choice. We're going to get it done, we want advice on how to best get it done. Do you have a good lead on how to get that done? We just need leverage to make sure we get everything we need done."

I pipe up. "If we somehow send her back to Whiterock, Scithia and her can fight things … what?"

Chauntessa sighs. "Oh, yes, fine, have Scithia kill her." She turns back towards Garreth. "I suppose we can leave her in a Pentagram until she awakens my love or starves?"

Garreth asks, "So, m'lady, can you cast Pentagram?"

Chauntessa nods. "I can cast Pentagram. Do you think that would help?"

I nod back. "Very much so. We should put the town on high alert, though if she gets out, she'll teleport somewhere else. We ready? I just want to have a good offer for her to cast the spell to have less fuss."

Garreth drinks a cup of whiskey like it's water. "We'd want the Pentagram to enclose the party, the sleeper and leave room for the lamia." Then he sits down to meditate while Chauntessa works. I sit next to Bleu and Polly, who has joined us, and smoke some incense.

Chauntessa casts the spell and is worn out, but recovers in an hour or so. "Well, let's get her out and put her to work."

Garreth gets up, and I step into the Pentagram, pull out the flask, and say, "By Almighty Benthos!"

Garreth smiles a wide, fake smile as Hasna shows up. "Hey there, did you miss us? We've got a proposal for you. And you're going to take it."

Hasna looks around her and scowls. "A Pentagram? No way! I'd rather die."

Garreth downs another whiskey. "That can be arranged."

Hasna sneers at Garreth. "You guys are being big meanies like Benthos! I'd rather die than be imprisoned again." 

I shake my head. "Chauntessa? She's too annoying. You can take her out.m There's no way she can pull this off anyways. Sorry."

Chauntessa clutches her fist. "Not until she frees my mate."

Hasna says, "I can! But you're not tricking me into doing it surrounded by a Pentagram." She looks around, seeing everyone around her, then shrugs. "Fine! Explain your deal."

Garreth says, "Step one, you undo the Sleep of Ages spell. Step two, we sing for you. Step three will be determined based on how steps one and two go. I promise you a live concert put on just for you if the spell is removed."

I sigh again. "Chauntessa, all she can do is whine for eight hours straight! It's an Anakin Skywalker-like feat, but doesn't come with cool armor."

Hasna sneers at me. "Kill me or give me a chance to get free. I am not casting the spell trapped in a Pentagram."

I eat a big barbecued rib outside the Pentagram. "Suit yourself! We can leave this Pentagram up forever. Chauntessa has been waiting for centuries. A few more weeks until you starve won't matter much."

Hasna hisses, "I guess I just starve, then."

I munch on the rib. "Suit yourself. It's not like you have any chance of getting this done anyways."

Hasna glares at Zaber. "Can too!"

Garreth says, "Starving to death is no chance at freedom. So long as you live, there's hope." Then he  clamps his jaws shut.

I put my arm around a bewildered Bleu. "If it wasn't your spell, I'd ask the high elf to do it. She'd get it done and is way, way hotter. You just can't do it."

Garreth shrugs. "I suppose she's just afraid of revealing her failure. She's nothing without Benthos."

I laugh. "Heck, she's less than Silhouette." I look at Bleu. "So, Bleu, babe, how long would it take for a silicone lamia to starve?" Bleu calculates this out in precise detail, and asks me to measure the lamia. I sigh and shake my head. "Bleu, she's big and totally not hot. Plus the silicone doesn't count."

Garreth says, "Actually, by casting the spell you gain a measure of freedom. Right now, the flask binds your will. Freeing your will is the first step."

Hasna says, "If I start casting the spell I can't stop without ruining any leverage I have. So I need to make a deal first, before I start casting."

I take a drink. "Why deal? You can't do it."

Garreth shrugs. "Agree to cast the spell and I'll vow that we won't use the flask on you again."

Hasna says, "So just going to kill me? I'd rather die without casting the spell to spite you meanies."

Garreth says, "You might win if we decide to kill you with free will or you might escape. Or you might convince us that you've got something to offer the world."

Hasna says, "Not if I'm stuck in a Pentagram."

I lean forward. "What would you want, anyways? I don't have a list of things I could offer a bumbling lamia with silicone sisters. They don't write that list up for public consumption."

Hasna says, "Well, I really wanted a night on the town and a concert and then to be free to go my own way. And these are all natural!"

I ask, "Who takes you out for that night?"

Hasna says, "Surely there are some cute guys who aren't utter jerks?"

I shrug. "Garreth is pretty darn cute."

Hasna says, "I haven't seen him without his helmet, but he is being such a jerk."

I tilt my head and look. "You might be interesting. I mean, I could swear off elves for a night …"

Hasna pipes up, "I am so hotter than an elf! I mean, meow!"

I ask, "When you say leave, where will you go? I mean, you might be the best date I'll have
And I'll have to look you up. I mean, if you're like a great date and all."

Hasna says, "The desert, totally!"

Polly says, "Maybe she could get a date with Flitwick."

Hasna asks, "Is Flitwick cute?"

I shake my head. "Flitwick isn't into sexy lamia. He's into camels."

Hasna winces, "Ewww! What a loser!"

Garreth says, "You're going to have to cast the spell inside the Pentagram regardless. We need to know it's done before we can risk your escape. Is that understood?"

Hasna says, "Fine, fine, I'll cast it inside the Pentagram. But you and the dragon have to agree I get to go after." She looks at Chauntessa. "Well, I assume she is a dragon, maybe she is just a really kinky elf."

Garreth says, "I agree to let you leave the Pentagram and perform at a concert in your honor once the spell is undone."

I lean up. "Oh, and a good meal at the Slumbering Drake. No sapients!"

Garreth says, "After that, it's catch as catch can? Sound at least interesting? If I kill you, you'll die a free lamia."

Hasna says, "Well. At least give me my stuff back first, but alright, I can agree to a fair chase."

Garreth holds up the bra. "The bra I can agree to. I was looking forward to learning the naginata."

I jerk upwards. "C'mon! I like looking at those!"

Hasna sighs. "Well, give me some decent weapon at least. You want it to be sporting."

Garreth says, "Sure. We'll get you a tricked out mundane one. Best I can commission on this short notice from the best craftsman in the region."

Hasna nods her head, "Fine, alright."

I wink at her. "You're on. And they're fabulous, way too nice to be fake."

Garreth nods. "Done."

Monday, October 9, 2023

Castle Whiterock 2 October 2023: Topless Lamia

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

Garreth goes to Chauntessa. "We've killed everything we could find down there, didn't see anyone who seemed likely to have cast sleep of ages. Any hints? Can you scry for more details or something? Benny's ghost is defeated now if that's what was in your way."

Chauntessa goes and talks to Eli and comes back. "Eli says you can find the answer in a bottle."

I look at Garreth. "We've found a lot of answers in bottles."

We hire Angie the Surgeon to dissect Benthosruthsa. She says, "You guys must be like pickled mummies, but sure, I'll come. Don't let me die."

I give Angie a wink and a leer. "Oh, don't worry, we can afford to fix you if that happens." We make sure she has a Ghost Touch knife to disembowel the dragons, then go down into the dungeon and Angie does her work.

Meanwhile, we talk to Baghanaya and Scithia about bottles. Scithia says that she knows something, so after some goading, threatening, and tempting with the idea of exotic statues, she leads us to an iron flask on an island of cooled magma in the middle of the polluted lake. She says she knows nothing about the flask, only that Silhouette said not to bother with it. Bleu says the iron flask is an Iron Flask™, and can trap outsiders. She casts Analyze Magic, and says that the trapped being is an unhappy lamia named Hasna, and the command word is, "By Almighty Benthos!" in Common. Oh, and since I found it, I get to say it.

So I say it.

There’s a big burst of light and smoke worthy of Michael Bay. When it clears, a beautiful woman clad only in a brassiere is before me. Now, I don’t get too many ideas, since she’s a lion from the waist down.

The lamia cries, "I’m free. Wait … no, I’m not free! Meanies, you’re geasing me, you’re as bad and mean as Benthos!"

Garreth says, "We we can put her back when we're done. Maybe we can use the flask again later."

Hasna cries, "No! Don’t put me back."

I chuckle and cast a glance at the hooded Scithia. "Oh, if you're lucky …."

To make a long tale short, Hasra, whose full name is Hasna'azhar, tries seducing us, badmouths Scithia, says Silhouette kept her in the flask because Hasna was prettier than Silhouette (not a high bar), and says Benthosruthsa ("May he rot forever in the Seven Levels of the Abyss and be feasted upon by Celestial Termites!"—she has a way with words) wasn’t the biggest dragon where a woman really wants size. She gets jealous when I say that both Polly and Bleu turn me on more than she (elf women!) and cringes when I say that if she doesn't play ball she can go in Scithia's art gallery.

Since she’s under a geas to me, we ask about the Sleep of Ages, and she tells us that she'd obey for for the rest of the hour of the geas then I'd use use Shadow Jump to get away unless we made her stick around. However, it would take eight hours for her cast the spell. We do find out she is a fan of "Gar Eff and the Murder Hobies," and might help for a date including a concert.

Garreth blinks. "So, you have heard of me?" Logan yips in backup.

Hasna's eyes widen. "I expected you to be cuter and only wear one gauntlet."

Or, we could choose to grapple her and keep her down to make her cast the spell. 

We get her to hand over her gear: a Naginata of Flexibility, a Ring of Protection, a Bra of Wonder, and a scroll of the Sleep of Ages. Garreth has me prod her to tell us what she needs to cast Sleep of Ages, and she needs her hands, feet, tail, and mouth to do so. She also says she needs three of her four limbs free to Shadow Jump.

After many minutes of this, I've had as much of her as I can, so I say, "By Almighty Benthos!" and she goes back in the bottle. I pick it up. "Wow, she's annoying."

Monday, September 25, 2023

Castle Whiterock 18 September 2023: Red dragon? Dead dragon!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer who is dead throughout most of this episode but gets better at the end
And our helpers:
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth blasts from under the surface of the water and out into the ghost dragon's face. "Hey, big, dead, and ugly, how 'bout you and me go for a few rounds?"

Benthosruthsa's head shakes, boggled. "What?" A wave of evil necrosis comes away from the dragon as Garreth whacks him three times.

Erica casts Affect Spirits on Thrognar's weapon while I duck into an alcove. Logan flies towards the dragon and his claw lands once. A wraith runs after Garreth and throws knives, which do nothing. Another one lobs them at Galdiera, who knocks them away, as does Thrognar when a third wraith did the same. Yet another lobs them at Galdiera from behind, but they only bother her. Bleu blinks away when still another wraith throws knives at her.

Thrognar downs the wraith who lobbed knives at Galdiera from behind, then downs another when he throws his sword at it. Erica tries to blast a wraith with Sunlight, but it steps aside. Garreth swears in Orcish and whacks the dragon thrice while Logan does the same with both claws hitting twice each. This leaves the dragon with the thinnest wisps, though it still is in the fight. I slug a potion of Greater Healing.

Benthosruthsa flies through Garreth and hits Erica with a wave of evil. A bunch of the ceiling falls before Bleu. One wraith lobs knives at Galdiera and another at Garreth, but can do no harm. The last one is stuck and can't reach Logan, who starts to point his snout downwards at the water. Galdiera takes down a wraith as Thrognar rushes towards the dragon. He swings twice, felling the dragon, then he throws the sword at one of the wraiths, killing it as it starts to dissipate. The other two wraiths vanish.

We pick up Polly's body and put her in the Bag of Holding, while Bleu moves around the rocks. I pick up Elweiss's spear and give it to Garreth, who has slumped to the floor and is panting.

We take off after talking to Scithia, who is annoyed we're not giving her the wagon. "I'll give you charms so you can see me safely!" I remind her that we just took down an undead red dragon so she's nothing more than a skidmark to us, which ends that offer.

Elias raises Polly back in Cillamar. "Hey, I saw the Great Tree and my sister and ate lots of cookies!"

Garreth looks almost apologetic. "Should we have left you there?"

I shrug. "You'll have to go to another church if you wanna wash down those cookies with communion wine." Elias scowls at Garreth and me.

Polly smiles. "I'm sure there must still be some orks somewhere down here, right?"

Monday, September 18, 2023

Castle Whiterock game log 11 September 2023: The Beginning of the End

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Thrognar shows up and summons his godly might, going full saiyan.

Then, out from the rock comes the ghostly shape of the dragon Benthosruthsa. He still has the wounds on him that killed him, with a wing pulled out of its socket and a big neck wound. "I must thank you for ending that bitch, Silhouette. In gratitude, I will allow one of you to leave, unharmed. The rest of you are now my playthings."

Garreth grins. He looks at Scalemar, and says, "Hey, Scalemar, ever kill a ghost dragon before?"

A wave of evil comes from Benthosruthsa. "Feel my presence, and know fear!" We hold out, and the fight begins.

I dash over to Logan. Elweiss mutters something, and a weak flash of magic comes from his spear, doing nothing. The wraiths we didn't kill before start to come out of the walls as well. Garreth slugs a Minor Healing Potion, then dives into the water. Galdiera heals Logan then sniffs, "Normally I would never touch a man's mustelid, but for you I shall make an exception." Thrognar attacks the wraith then steps as the wraith dissipates in a horrible howl of death.

Erica aims a finger at the dragon. "Let's see if you burn from holy light!" Benthosruthsa howls as he burns. Elweiss lobs his spear at the dragon, but it misses. I rip a potion out of Logan's potion belt and pour it down his throat. As I do this, I feel myself drying out, and see a faint magical glow coming from Benthosruthsa as he grins at me.

Elweiss feels a flurry of wraith knife stabs, sending him to his eternal reward at Koborth's side. As he dies, he says, "Sorry I’m a bit late, had a terrible time … All sort of things cropping up at the last moment. Uh, how are we for time?" Another wraith hurls three knives at Galdiera. They miss but one hits me, not piercing the skin but sapping weakening my soul. The other wraiths lob another couple volleys of knives at Thrognar and Erica, but both get out of the way. Galdiera casts Affect Spirits on Logan, who charges at a wraith, knocking it over, but feeling the loss of his lifeforce. Thrognar uses Faith Healing on Erica.

Wednesday, August 23, 2023

Whiterock 21 August 2023: God of the Bullywugs, Celestial Sewer Rat, and Friends 1, Silhouette and Friends 0

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth whips out a potion and slams it, then growls menacingly at the dragon as he steps back into the fight. Erica slams her sword into the coins and the coin golem sprays apart and stops moving, then her next blow hits the dragon. "Ya killed mah golem!" Logan takes down the pit fiend, which blows up at his feet, though he stays up. Elweiss casts Puissance from his spear, then lobs it at the dragon, hitting her in the innards. I rush at the dragon and her tail bats me away, but some of the rocks from above fall on her, pinning her. Polly shoots thrice at Silhouette, and Silhouette bats away all three. Galdiera spins around and tries to hack Silhouette over the skull, but she loses her balance.

Silhouette swings her limbs at Elweiss, who doesn't feel the pain. "A gosh darn ghost? Ah know how ta treat wid ya!" She blasts arcane energy at Elweiss, but he takes the magic. "Gah! I was gonna Disrupt Undead!" She instead blasts Erica, who also withstands the magic, but Silhouette's tail swipe knocks her back. She then sneers at Polly, and swings her limbs at her. "Elves taste so good, like cookies!" Polly's body goes back to the wall, her innards spilling out as she dies.

I yell out, "No!" as if I were lamenting the loss of some space wizard whom I had just met a few hours before.

Garreth roars. "I'll kill you for that, dragon!"

Silhouette casts another spell at Elweiss, and this time he feels his being tear asunder, though he stays standing. She also casts Slow at Erica, and Erica does not withstand it.

Garreth drops from the air into the water then rockets forward through the water towards Silhouette's back, with Scalemar leading the way. The dragon roars in pain from the blows, but stays up. Elweiss lobs the spear again at the dragon, but this time she swats it away. This is the last thing she does, as Logan rips, Logan tears, Logan shreds! Her innards spill out all over, blood going everywhere. Logan tastes into her flesh, which he likes, though it is a bit pickled.

RIP, Silhouette. Died fighting the god of the bullywugs and a celestial sewer rat.

Sunday, August 13, 2023

Castle Whiterock log 31 July 2023: The sorriest god

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth swings Scalemar many times, and carves through thick dragon hide. Erica slashes the coin golem, but it doesn't hurt it much. Logan slams the pit fiend but it stays up. Elweiss lobs his spear at the eye of the dragon but she swats it away. I try to stab the innards of the dragon but she pushes my knife away. Polly shoots the dragon thrice in the back of the head, and one knocks her to the foul water. Galdiera slams the pit fiend and tries to kick it.

Silhouette blasts acid at Polly, Bleu, Elweiss, and Logan, which hurts Polly but not the others. Then she tries to swat at Garreth and me, but I step away. Garreth winces from the pain and totters, and says, "You'll regret turning your back on an immortal."

Silhouette insults Garreth, "You're the darn sorriest god I seen since the bullywug god!"

Garreth hisses back, "I killed him, too." Left unsaid is that the bullywug god is a kobold named Kubunk who crippled his finger when he was picking his nose, and all the other kobolds clown on him.

The coins pelt Erica and Logan, then lashes out with monetized pseudopods at Logan, Bleu, and me. Its pseudopod stretches too far as I step away.

The pit fiend lobs a fireball at Logan, but he gets away. "What? You stupid celestial sewer rat!" Then it turns to Galdiera and cackles at her in Celestial. She smiles and says, "I prefer garlic parmesan," as she steps aside.

Garreth sneers at Silhouette, "Look at those cute widdle wings. You gonna bat 'em at me again?" He chugs a potion and whacks her.

This does not faze Silhouette. "Ah ain't a blonde bimbo like that darn Celestial you got, mah wings are all natural!"

I step forward. "Yer a goddamn newt, not a dragon."

Flustered, she spits back, "Ah ain't a newt!" as I stab her.

Logan again slams the pit fiend, but this slam does nothing, nor do his slashes afterwards.

Elweiss stabs the coins, which doesn't help much.

Polly says, "Ooh! You stunned the dragon for me, Zaber!" then shoots three arrows, but Silhouette swats them away.

Galdiera gives the pit fiend some mighty blows, but it stays standing.

The dragon gathers her wits and flies past me—I get out of the way—to try to claw both Erica and me. I step aside while Erica parries, but Silhouette knocks the pillar towards Bleu, who steps back, letting it splash harmlessly. She hisses at Polly, "I love elves! They taste like cookies!"

Polly smiles. "Thanks! Elves love cookies!"

Silhouette then swats at Erica and Logan with her wings, with her fore claws and teeth at Polly, and her back claw and tail at me. Logan, Erica, and I all get away, but and we think Polly is a goner but somehow, she misses. 

The pit fiend tries to step on Logan and Galdiera with its bulk, and tries to hack away at Galdiera again, but misses both.

Monday, July 17, 2023

Castle Whiterock 10 July 2023: Acid!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth sighs, cracks his neck left and right, and pulls out his sword. "What do you think Scalemar?" After a moment, he says, "Yes, I've taken great pains to make you ready for anything."

I shake my head and lean down to Logan. "There he goes, talking to a sword that we can't hear …"

Garreth looks up and grins. "Zaber, I don't think letting you go off alone is wise. So maybe you and I advance together and you are my spotter?"

I nod. "Yeah, let's go." I put my ring back on and poof, then slug some whiskey while Garreth drinks from the Everful Everclear Skin.

Garreth shouts out into the dungeon. "Hey there, draaaaagon. I heard you … something awful." He stops for a weird moment and focuses his chi before singing "Afternoon Delight." He grips my arm somehow, and we go towards the edge.

The filthy, burning water suddenly swells, and then the head of the black dragon comes through the water. "Stop singing!"

Garreth chuckles. "Oh, hello, sweetheart."

Silhouette hisses. "Scithia didn't tell me you were so annoying!"

Polly shoots three arrows fast at Silhouette, and one hits her eye. "Bloody elf!" Galdiera calls up mighty energy, and Bleu stands warily as Garreth shuts his eyes and beckons forth his speed. Logan pulls the cord linked to the crossbow on his back. The dragon parries it, as well as Elweiss's spear. I hold and wait until she comes near. Silhouette says something in Draconic, and Bleu shouts, "She said, "Golem, attack!' in a lowland swamp accent of Draconic!" The coins take on a the shape of a man (or woman, who knows?) and fly at us. Most of us get out of the way, while Bleu blinks. A pillar comes down at Garreth and me, but we get out of the way.

Silhouette shuts her eyes and casts a spell on herself, likely Great Haste because she's suddenly much faster. She spits acid at us, though it hurts only Erica as the rest of us get out of the way. Silhouette lobs a red gem from her paw at Erica's feet where it bursts. This doesn't hurt anyone other than Logan, who takes a little blunt trauma. Silhouette them claws, bites, flaps her wings, and swats her tail at Garreth, who parries every blow. "Ya'll done took out the demonhold, thank ya for that!"

As Polly shoots and misses Silhouette, a pit fiend shows up, coming from the gem Silhouette threw. Galdiera, who is ticked pink to see the demon, swats at it, hitting once and wounding it. Garreth dives into the water, and comes up at Silhouette's rear, but she parries his blows with her hind legs and tail as she does. He keeps going up with her, hitting her once. "Ya darn half ork, I ain't callin' you immortal like ma handmaid Scithia!" Erica charges up her chain lightning and blasts the golem, stunning it. She bounces the lightning to the demon, hitting it twice as Logan is wounding it. Logan likewise goes after it like a flying furry ginsu knife of good and it falls down. Elweiss casts Great Haste then lobs his spear again, scratching the cornea of the demon. I step and stab at her eye, but she swats me away.

Silhouette steps and tries to smush Garreth, then rend him, which she cannot do. She casts again and again tries to rend Garreth to bits, which she again cannot do. "Stand still, ya li'l varmint!"

Garreth bares his teeth. "Yer kung-fu is weak! Hic!"
The pit fiend lets out an aura of fear, somehow scaring Elweiss but no one else. His eyes widen. "Oh no, a pit fiend! It might … I dunno!"

I chuckle. "Listen, bub, you aren't remotely as scary the stuff I've seen after taking acid, and not the stuff under us!"

The pit fiend lobs a fireball at Logan, sizzling him a little, then lobs firey meteors at Galdiera, Logan, Erica, and Bleu. This burns all of them, but Bleu's Bless takes the pain and gently pushes her out of the way.

Monday, July 10, 2023

Castle Whiterock 3 July 2023: Going down

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

We go back into the dungeon, and down to talk to Scithia, since we know she has spoken to Silhouette about us in the last week. On the way, Garreth talks to his sword again, then tells us that he's even more in favor of killing Silhouette the Black Dragon. Go figure, but he takes a big drink afterwards, so I know he's doing alright. We can't have him drinking water.

Scithia tells us that Silhouette stopped giving her baubles after the first few things she said about us. "She doesn't think you are immortal, by the way. So don't die! I have a bet."

I chortle, "I don't think she is immortal."

Garreth chuckles. "If I don't die, she won't be around to pay it. What was the wager?"

Scithia says, "She was going to give me an awesome coach for my art gallery."

Garreth asks her, "What do I save you if you lost?"

Scithia says, "I was going to have to wear my maid dress and polish all her scales and talons with a toothbrush."

Since Scithia had bet on Garreth, we ask Scithia for more information on Silhouette, and learn that Silhouette likes swimming and surprising people by coming up with a big splash, and that the water is acid and toxic, though not as toxic as the poison Scithia used on Garreth.

We go down into the dragon's lair, this time taking the other hallway straight to the gong.  There, we get ready for the dragon, casting spells to buff us.

Monday, July 3, 2023

Castle Whiterock 19 June 2023: Stoned again

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

I check out the ledge, traveling with my left side to the wall, and come to a ledge that looks like another ledge that I saw earlier. Then I keep going, coming to a small, hollowed-out cave in the rock wall that triggers my anxieties.  Its floor is black and lumpy like coal or rock and is invisible, which I can see since Bleu has cast See Invisible on me.

I keep on flying, and make it to another cave. Inside is cooler air and a carriage with the seal of the Kingdom of Morrain on the side. Beyond the carriage is an opening that leads away from the lake. Around the carriage are many items of adventuring gear, and under each item is a small sheet of paper. The items include a beautiful lyre, a greatsword, a scroll case, a book, a rod, and a barrel. Inside the carriage is a painting and a bunch of wine bottles.

Wine bottles? Someone made this for me.

I check one out. Each bottle has a brass and platinum stopper bearing a seal of Morrain and is decorated with a silver chain and emerald. According to the paper, these bottles are of the famed 2716 vintage, the best in the history of Morrain! These are the 25 bottles missing from Vemin the Magnaminous's well-known last party, that everyone wanted to remember but no one was able to!

I grab a bottle, and fly back to Garreth to celebrate. We both take a swig, and it has the light scent of fruitiness and a lasting tingle of delight with a hint of chocolate on the palate. Galdiera whines that we're supposed to be fighting a dragon, but I let her know that Garreth gets even tougher with booze. Elweiss recognizes the vintage as soon as he sees the bottle. I tell him about the carriage, and he says it might be the Bearer of Kings, a carriage for the Kings of Morrain. That and Princess Thistle (whoever she is) went missing long ago, and folks say a dragon did the deed.

We talk about the dragon, and agree that it has been watching us. I pull a bag over my back and use it as a blanket, then signal to Garreth that we should lure the dragon out somehow. He tells me that Scalemar thinks the gong is some kind of signal. We go back to the start of the maze and meet with Baghanaya and Scithia.

We ask them some questions. We give Baghanaya the bottle and he takes a swig, and, showing his good taste, also says it is great booze. We ask Scithia about the gong. She tells us that the statues under the gong are erstwhile lovers, and she seems to like it when I say that she must be a great lover since they had smiles on their faces. And she uses the gong to summon Silhouette, or she her.

"Who is Silhouette?" I ask.

"She is a black wyrm," she tells us. "She always makes me wait when I ring the gong." I say that means she has to die, but why does Scithia summon her? To pass her news, and Silhouette passes Scithia "pretty baubles and things, as well as cuties."

I get the idea that they wouldn't be upset if Garreth killed Silhouette, nor would they be upset if Silhouette killed Garreth and the rest of us. We go back to town, and look for warding against acid.

Monday, June 19, 2023

Castle Whiterock 12 June 2023: Lake Exxon Valdez

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

After a short rest, I give Logan a swig of beer and start scouting ahead. Garreth asks Bleu if the dread wraiths will strike again, and she says, "They are unlikely to confront us as they did before, given we destroyed many of their number. Bleu, "They seemed to be motivated to serve Benthosruthsa."

I check out the nooks and crannies, and find nothing. We get through a narrow hallway, though Garreth and Galdiera slip through easily, and make it to a big cavern, bigger than a neighborhood of Cillamar. Before us is a lake covered in oil and filth, with pockets of fire on top of it. The ledge on which we find ourselves goes to the left, while to the right the ledge becomes a bridge to a big island in the middle. There's more beyond our sight.

I float over the land bridge to the island, and can see more of the cavern to my right. In there, I can see another island of cooled magma, but covered with gold and platinum coins. "I wonder what that really is. I'm sure it's a trap, but what laid the trap?" After some chatter and Bleu casting Seek Platinum and letting us know that the coins truly are platinum, I fly to scout the island, with Logan hanging midway as backup.

As I get nearer I see gems and other gear among the coins. I look up for a trap; the ceiling is covered in stalactites, nothing odd. I stick out my knife to touch the coins when I feel a tingle, so I pull back my knife. Instead, I look to the side of the cavern, and see a short promontory of scree at the end of a hallway. At the tip of this is a big brass gong. I go a little nearer, and see two statues of handsome men, one a man and the other an elf, holding up the gong, with a snaky "S" sigil on it. I bring others, and Bleu says that she thinks they are petrified, not golems, likely victims of Scithia.

We look at the gong, and wonder what to do next.

Monday, May 22, 2023

Castle Whiterock 8 May 2023: Never fight while thirsty or sober

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)
And our helpers:
Elweiss, ghostly guardian
Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin
Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

We go back to Castle Whiterock, and Elweiss, Erica and Galdiera link up with us. After finding out that Galdiera and Erica drink elven wine and elven brandy, respectively, I bring along some good elven booze with for the trip.

This amazes Galdiera. "You intend to drink while battling the forces of Darkness and Evil?"

Garreth shrugs. "Makes it hard for the bad guys to figure out what I'm doing."

We go into the lair of Baghanaya and Scithia. They are amazed that we bring along backup, but I give Baghanaya a bottle of good scotch and we go past and into the tunnels.

We wend through the tunnels, and it looks like it is going down. I can smell the sulfur and feel the heat, but there is no flame yet.  The tunnel makes a sharp turn, and goes into a wide room. To our left is a wrecked mural of a dragon setting fire to a village, while to the right is a toppled statue of a dragon, which would have been about twice my height when whole.

Polly glares at the mural. "So. Not. Nature."

Garreth asks Bleu about the mural, and she starts her babble: "Oh, look. There is a head. As you can see the head has a pronounced scar, and a distinguished jawline, as noted in Waffston the Crispy's posthumously published tome, Who's Who of Evil Dragons. It is none other than Benthosruthsa."

I roll my eyes. "Brevity is the soul of wit, sweetheart." Bleu goes on about looking dragons in the teeth and the bicuspids of dragons that feed on tender children or something.

Garreth grips Scalemar and thinks. "That's the same dragon in the mural in the Audience Hall of the Thane in Narborg!"

Galdiera sniffs. "Clearly the beast is possessed of a great ego and hubris. Look how vain it is with monuments to its greatness!"

Erica adds, "If I had a jawline like that I'd smash the statue too! Or I'd have children with myself. That's really rugged!"

Say wha? This puzzles me as much as anyone reading this. I swear to you that I'm not high, that I've had maybe one shot of whiskey after a beer, and that she really said that. "… children with myself?"

Erica beams. "One of every color!"

I bump into the wall, then put my hand through the wall. "Whoa." Then I step through. After some running into the illusionary wall, everyone else makes it through as well. Bleu scans the wreckage  for any hint of working magic items.

I put on my ring and scout ahead. The tunnel reaches a T-fork. To the right, I can feel a light wind, but to the left, it's still. I can make out some ghostly faces hiding among the rocks at the fork, and shiver.

I go back to warn the others. "Elweiss, do you have any friends down here?"

Elweiss shakes his head. "I don't think so. I mean, I kinda play cards with the lich every so often, but most of the restless dead here aren't friendly."

Galdiera looks warily at Elweiss. "Undead? As the wisdom of Brother Elias says, suffer not the undead to live."

I throw up my hands, though most cannot see this. "Well, there are some ghostly faces up ahead. They hang out in rocks and stuff."

Galdiera narrows her eyes. "Brother Elias spoke of this lich."

Uh-oh. Elweiss might have spoken too much, so I have to say something. "Elias has been drinking too much communion wine. He never could hold it. That's why Garreth and I always drank it for him." This isn't wholly a lie, of course—Elias isn't a strong drinker, and Garreth and I always did drink his communion wine for him. Serves him right for saving it—we had to drink something when our stronger stuff ran out. That communion wine isn't the best, but sobriety is even worse.

Galdiera goes on. "Sounds like dread wraiths. They are cowardly bound servitors or haunts that cannot pass on due to chains of loyalty. Their blows can sap vitality as well as deal wounds. Mere steel is not proof against them nor does it hurt them." She stops, then adds, "But I have a Ghost Touch sword, so, bring it!"

Garreth asks, "Is there a simple way to release them, or shall we just cut them down?"

Galdiera chuckles. "I find that the time way to reason with evil is once the evil has been cut into very small pieces. But perhaps there is a way to help them move on." She shrugs, then looks skyward for a moment. "Divine Guidance speaks that this is a DCC module, so …"

Sunday, April 2, 2023

Castle Whiterock 20 March 2023: Chalkboard

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)

What they did

We go back to the room with the chalkboard and put the gem in the first notch. We see what looks like angry claw scratches on the chalkboard once we do. Bleu tells us that it's in Draconic, and it reads, "Hi! I am Shale, I like potions! I have been asleep a long time. Do you guys like potions?" I burp, and tell Bleu to say that we do, especially the alcohol used in preserving potions. Shale writes back that it likes clear grain alcohol.

Shale keeps writing enthusiastically about potions. As well as not only knowing about potions and wanting to learn even more, we find that Shale can't brew potions "due to a lack of potion-brewing appendages," and that Pelltiar took away its activation crystal, but we found it, and Fluffy kept washing it whenever it tried to talk to her. The notches trigger the tongue: first notch is Draconic, second is Elvish, and third is Abyssal. We switch to the Elven notch so Polly and I can follow along without Bleu translating for us.

With the insight of having a chalkboard that just loves potions, I look for a hidden cabinet again, and find one with eight potions inside. We ask Shale what these potions are, and Shale instead walks me through the steps of identifying them. I do, and find that we have three poisons, and one each of Greater Magic Weapon 5, Water Walk, Missile Shield, Tongues, and Great Rage 10.

Then we find out Shale's problem: it can't drink potions, or anything else, not even inebriation potions. I start weeping in sympathy, then drink some scotch. As Shale's chalkboard is on wheels, it lets us know we can move it, and we let Shale know that Pelltiar is dead. It shows its enthusiasm at us taking it away, as we can actually brew the potions. Shale also says that it doesn't like the drow, which used to have it until Pelltiar took it away, and we let it know that we didn't like the drow either, and it won't hear from the drow anymore.

We have Bleu do one last check for magic items and, finding none, we pack up the alchemy lab. Pelltiar can't use it anymore.

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Castle Whiterock 13 March 2023: Scorpions taste like beef jerky

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)

What they did

Well, Garreth and I sit down and relax. We lie back and have some whiskey, some hard cider, some beer. We're just about to go have some hard stuff and we look around for Logan. "Hey, where did the little guy go? I was about to give him his whiskey!"

Garreth looks, then jerks his head and points to the Bag of Tricks we found. "See the moving up and down there? I think he smelled something inside."

I grit my teeth and watch. "This is weird, he doesn't normally like bags." I see the of the bag. "Either the little guy is getting a meal or getting a girl wolverine!"

Maybe a minute later, Logan comes out of the Bag of Tricks. Now his eyes are golden, and he has a golden glow to him as well. He wags his tail at us, yipping and panting. 

Garreth leans down and pours Logan a small bowl of whiskey. Logan laps up the whiskey, then pats his belly. He swipes at the air with his paw, then climbs up Garreth's leg and waves his paw in the air. "Did he beat a spider, Garreth?"

Polly says, "Oh look, Logan must be being Natureful."

He jumps down, then makes a menacing look and holds up both forepaws. Then he jumps in front of himself, and holds up both forepaws in the same way before taking a swipe at the air.

Fluffy asks, "Is the mustelid going to make a mess? I do not think Master Pelltiar wants mustelids to make messes."

Logan ignores Fluffy, takes his forepaws and moves them up and down onto each other, like a jaw, then gives a swipe with his paw again. Then he moves his forepaws like the jaw, but on the side, then he turns his tail and tries to jab it forward, before turning back around and giving another triumphant swipe with his forepaw.

Garreth scrunches his eyebrows. "A wolverine, an alligator, and … a scorpion?"

Logan puts his forepaws at the sides of his heads and sticks out the talons like horns, then grunts. He growls and tries to look really tough and impressive.

Garreth blinks, and I shake my head. Neither one of us have any idea what this is. Garreth suggests we go to the shrine of Justicia and wash the armor in the fountain to clean the curse. "It's been some time since we visited that shrine. I wonder if it will react to our newly-glowing friend."

We make it to the shrine, and the doors open for the Logan. He finds Celestial Communion Crackers and Celestial Grape Juice.

Garreth puts the armor in the fountain. He gets the idea that putting silver equal in weight to the armor into the fountain will wash away the sin. He shakes his head, and puts in platinum equal in worth to 96 pounds of silver. The coins boil and bubble, fizzing effervescently, bubble bubble, swish swish, swirl, agitate, and lo, the armor is now shiny with Goodness! He puts the armor on Logan, and it fits, though Logan doesn't have wings.

Logan's tale

Zaber and Garreth no know everything in bag. I smell food! I go in and see big rhinoceros with three horns and bony frill on neck.

Big rhino call himself SchildEsche the Triceratops. He say, "So Logan, you've attracted our attention. We want to help you ascend to your true potential." He talk funny, say big words. "Once you defeat these creatures, you'll be able to consume the magic that bound them and in turn become stronger." More big words, but I know "consume!"

SchildEsche click tongue. "You smash, you stronger, smarter. Me help you." He sighs and mutters, "Hopefully smarter, anyway."

Oh, I understand now! Beat monsters, get stronger!

SchildEsche say, "Logan, I'm on your side, we'll take them on together."

We look at monsters. We see other wolverine, alligator, giant ape, and boar. Bad wolverine say, "We shall consume you with rips and tears and FIRE!"

SchildEsche sigh at the diabolical wolverine. "You aren't qualified and that's not even a good threat." He roll eyes. "Oh, yes, embrace your darkness, that'll help."

Bad wolverine say, "Let's get these Celestial Dogs and show them a lesson!"

Alligator rush at SchildEsche and bite and swing tail, but miss. I swat at hind leg but skin is tough. SchildEsche say he save boar for later, then blasts big magic bubble at it. Bad wolverine rush at me and swing with claws and miss. Ape rush at me and swing with paws and miss, too!

Then alligator think it can hit me, and it miss again. I poke at alligator eye, but it step back. Then I rip out throat of other wolverine. It fall down dead! "Good … bad … I'm the wolverine with the talons." SchildEsche slam all three horns into alligator, and blood spurt as he pull his head back. Scorpion stabby tail at SchildEsche, and SchildEsche fall. 

Bad wolverine start to heal and get back up. Big ape try to grab me and miss. Alligator try to hit SchildEsche but he put frill on teeth and tail miss. I rip lungs out of bad wolverine, then shove middle talon in big ape, other in big ape eye. Big ape fall. SchildEsche get up. Scorpion come and try to stab me, but miss. Bad wolverine heal again.

Alligator try to bite and slap tail on SchildEsche but SchildEsche swat mouth and tail miss. I poke eye of big ape and it fall dead. I poke eye on bad wolverine and it fall down dead dead. I step and swing at scorpion tail but it have shell. SchildEsche stab alligator in belly and it fall down dead. Scorpion try to stab me but it miss, so I rip away eyes.

I crack open scorpion like Zaber crack open lobster and eat. Scorpion taste good! Alligator also taste good. Boar wake up, but SchildEsche charge, and I run to eat pork, too!

SchildEsche say, "As you consume your foes, consider the joy to be found in destroying evil. You've been doing it for some time, but you can do it with purpose!" I walk out of bag, and he say, "I hope to see you in the hills of Celestia!"

Zaber and Garreth look at me, and Garreth pour whiskey in bowl for me. I lap at whiskey to help swallow boar.

Monday, March 13, 2023

Castle Whiterock 6 March 2023: Attic thoughts

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar

What they did

We go upwards into a loft that's about 20 feet athwart, and we have to crouch to keep from hitting the ceiling. Light comes from magic lights above the plants below us. A hallway leads out. Among the junk here is a suit of plate armor, a coat rack, and a brass cage. A magic voice says, "Time to clean out the attic, don't you think?"

Fluffy tells us, "I tried to clean out the attic once and Master Pelltiar threatened to feed me to a Sphere of Annihilation."

I ask, "Oh, where is the Sphere of Annihilation?"

Fluffy says, "I do not need to clean the Sphere of Annihilation. Master Pelltiar never fed me to the Sphere of Annihilation." Good thing she cleared that up!

Garreth bids Bleu to pick out the magic items, and she says the armor, black bag, gaudy gold bottle, and gauntlets are magic, among the stuff in plain sight. We take them, and start cleaning. I sit down to keep from doing the work, and pick up a box with the label, "Powdered Toadfish Eyes." I open it, and inside is a lone boot with arcane stitching. I hold this up. "Is this like a Michael Jackson boot?"

Garreth digs in his Bag of Holding, and finds a matching boot from the derro loot. He claps. "I knew it would come in handy one day!" Bleu says the boots are Boots of Teleportation, letting the wearer teleport thrice a day. 

The armor looks like it would fit a female aasimar, with fancy mithril trimming and a sigil of Justicia. "I bet I know who used to own this." Then, Garreth asks Bleu to tell him about the armor.

"Ah, it is cursed. It appears that a halfling blew up the wizard while he was working on it, causing him to create this Wizard's Redoubt. If it could be uncursed it would protect might paladins and speed them up." Bleu thinks the curse can be removed at a holy font of Justicia.

Bleu says that the bag is supposed to be a Celestial Bag of Tricks but the magic of the demonhold corrupted it. "Instead whoever draws forth an animal will receive a diabolical animal, that will immediately attack them." Garreth asks someone can fix it, and Bleu says, "It is possible, were Logan to defeat the animal and eat the bag he would gain part of its power, or it might be possible to uncurse it."

We all look at Logan, who gnaws on some old furniture. "Logan needs to fight the animal first. He can't just eat the bag."

Bleu tells us that the gloves are enchanted to look like Gauntlets of Ogre Power, but someone cursed them to be Gauntlets of Pixie Power. If someone were to get rid of the curse by wearing them and beating a worthy foe, the wearer would gain pixie-related benefits instead. The bottle, she says, is an Efreeti Bottle, but houses an insane Efreeti.

Having checked out the loot, we go down the hallway to another spherical room about 15 feet athwart. In the middle there is a big stone bench with dusty glassware. Along the far wall is a chalkboard with a mahogany frame on a stone stand. There are three notches carved into the lower rail of the frame. Along the left wall is a lead cabinet with shut doors. The magic voice says,  "Remember, safety never takes a time out. Please don protective gear."

Fluffy lets us know that Pelltiar was upset when she tried to clean the chalkboard, and instead cleaned a lot of broken glass and ashes here. "I think Master Pelltiar enjoyed broken glass. Master Pelltiar was not happy when I helped him by breaking glassware for him ahead of time."

Garreth tries to open the cabinet, and finds it to be locked. After donning the Gloves of Dexterity and drinking an Agility Potion, I fumble with the lock. It's tricky, and I can't get it open right away, but I do find a charged Fireball Gem with Construct Bane while checking the lock for traps.

After telling Fluffy that her primary purpose is no longer dusting, which she is trying to do, I get the cabinet open. Inside are many rare magical ingredients, like dragon tongues, powdered stone giant bone, harpy lung extract, and otyugh eyes. There is also a small silver box with five doses each of Sovereign Glue, Universal Solvent, and Salve of Slipperiness.

Garreth takes the blue sapphire from me and puts it in the leftmost notch of the chalkboard. Words in Draconic start to show up on the chalkboard, with the tell-tale scratching of chalk.

Monday, March 6, 2023

Castle Whiterock 27 February 2023: Fluffy

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar

What they did

Garreth looks at the trees, and sees someone has watered them. He checks out the base of each tree for signs of whoever has watered them. He sees there are light footprints nearby, and not much dust. I look at the Decanter of Endless Water, and start watering the trees.

Garreth tells Bleu to cast See Invisible on all of us. Suddenly, we see a ghostly maid glaring at me. "You're watering the trees too much. I already watered them. Master Pelltiar will be unhappy."

Garreth asks, "When's the last time the master was home?"

The servant says, "Master Pelltiar is in his study. You should not disturb him." Garreth asks if Pelltiar is alive and I ask if he likes to party, and the servant says, "I do not go into his study and disturb him. Hmmm. What is alive? He does not like the halflings' idea of party. Or the clerics'. Or the knights'. Or the squires'. Or anyone's. He does not wish to have guests. That is why he has his Wizard's Respite inaccessible to the outside world." Garreth asks when she last saw him move, and the servant says that she has watered the trees hundreds of times since she last saw him move, and that he is in his study and is not to be bothered. "Is he angered about when I cleaned the easels?"

I yawn. "Bleu, she seems to be right up your alley." Bleu tells us about all about the Unseen Servants that cleaned the dorms at Wizard School.

Garreth asks the servant what her name is. The servant says that Pelltiar usually called her "Servant" or "Bothersome construct" or "What Are You Doing Don't Do That."

I ask Bothersome which way the study is. She points down, and says that I must not bother Pelltiar. I ignore her, and we go down to the study. The study is about as big as the room above it, with stone book cases on one side, almost in a maze, and all full of books. On the other side is a comfy chair with a man in gray robes lying on it, with an open book on his lap. The table next to him is full of dust and books, and a staff is propped up on the chair. We hear a woman's voice whisper, "Don’t forget to return the book on Ghetrian geography. Nim still has your favorite cookbook: Stirge: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore; 101 Additional Recipes."

Bothersome pulls out two swords. "Please leave the study so I may stop you."

I roll my eyes. "Stay out. And we have way worse than that." Bothersome hovers, looking bothered.

Garreth checks out Pelltiar. "The master can't be disturbed now. He's dead and beyond bothering."

He asks Bleu if there is a way to get Bothersome out of her compulsion. She thinks, and says, "She will only listen to orders from 'Master Pelltiar,' if you could have him give orders, or convince her that orders were from him somehow."

I wave to Bleu to cast Magic Mouth, but she shrugs and shakes her head: she doesn't know it. Garreth whispers to me to pretend I'm a cleric, and so I pull out a joint and light it up. "Incense." 

Bothersome says, "He doesn't like fires in his study."

Ignoring Bothersome, I set my joint off to the side, then put my hands on Pelltiar's hands. "Oh, great wizard from beyond, hear you me my sacred cry. Ohm." I open my whiskeyskin and brings it up to Pelltiar's mouth. "Oh, Pelltiar, drink you now our sacred wine. Ohm!"

This bothers Bothersome. "You are disturbing the Master. I must not let you disturb the Master. I must not enter the study. I must not let you disturb the Master. I must not enter the …" I raise Pelltiar's hands as subtly as I can, trying to to make it look like Pelltiar is raising his hands on his own.

This amazes Bothersome. "You are moving, Master!"

I pour more whiskey in Pelltiar's mouth. "For now our congregant wishes to engage in the bacchanalia and drink the wine. Ohm!" I hold his hands, then throw my head back.

Bothersome asks Pelltiar, "May I enter the study to dispose of the intruders disturbing you, Master?"

I hold the hands of the corpse. "For Pelltiar speaks through me, servant of the god Bacchus." I throw back my head and make silly possession movements with my tongue and eyes. In a weak and creaky voice, I call out, "No!"

Bothersome stops hinting at trying to come inside. "Yes, Master Pelltiar. I will not enter the study."

I make even more tongue and eye movements. "Leave!"

Bothersome nods. "Yes, Master. Where shall I go?"

"Home!"

Bothersome says, "This is my home, Master."

Oh, yeah, that's a little problem. So, in a creaky voice, I say, "Elf gives home now." She looks at Polly, and I say, "Cookies!"

Polly asks Bothersome if she can make cookies, and Bothersome says, "Yes, Mistress."

Polly asks, "Can we keep her?"

I set down Pelltiar's hands. "She's no less boring than Bleu, so I don't see why not."

Polly says. "I think she needs a petter name than 'Bothersome Construct.' Hmm. 'Fluffy'?" I nod, and Polly turns to Bothersome. "OK, Bothersome, your new name is 'Fluffy.'"

Fluffy nods. "Yes, Mistress."

I grip Pelltiar's hands again. "I leave this world!" I make more silly tongue and eye movements before letting go, as Fluffy is now ignoring Pelltiar, and puts her swords back up. I wipe off the tip of my whiskeyskin, and offer some to Logan to get the taste of death off it. Once he has his fill, I take a swig and close Pelltiar's eyes.

Stonemaul walks in the room. "That was remarkably kind of everyone." With that, he gives Pelltiar the last rites. Garreth bids Bleu to look the room, and she finds a Robe of the Archmagi, an Amulet of Natural Armor 6, a Clay Golem manual, a Ring of Wizardry, a Ring of Sustenance, a Staff of Conjuration with 17 charges, a Tome of Understanding, the Book of Melosiran that teaches about the elven wizard Melosira and her rings, and the chair, which is a Chair of Comfort and Understanding.

Back on the tree level, I find a magical sapphire that Bleu says activates some magic item. I also find five Marvelous Pigments, and four amateur paintings: one of Castle Whiterock at sunset before it became a lake, one of a bunch of geometric shapes, an unfinished one of a beautiful elf woman in a flowing gown, and one blank. Fluffy nods at the blank canvas. "I cleaned that one after Master Pelltiar spilled paint on it. Master Pelltiar was not pleased with me. He got the easel dirty. Why should I not clean it?" I draw a smiley face on the shapes.

With that, we take the trees and put them in the Bag of Holding. They'd look great in Logan's Run, and Fluffy can water them.

Monday, February 27, 2023

Castle Whiterock 13 February 2023: Where's the fight?

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

We wander through the ruins of Narborg on our way to the burning maze, seeing the carrion crawlers and goblins that have moved in, we spot an arcane rune. We ask Bleu, and she says, "It seems to be Wizard Pelltar's mark and has additional symbolism meaning '75 yards due north.'"

Garreth and Polly dig 75 yards due north, and they come out in a chamber. Bleu, Logan, and I follow them, and we link up with them in a chamber that is round and big, almost 40 feet athwart, and a soft glow from the ceiling lights it. The middle of the floor has an opening going down, and above that opening is one in the ceiling going up. On the far side is a big bed, an ironbound chest, and a black wooden bookcase with books. Near where we came in is a kitchen with a table and chair, and a small stone alcove with metal sheets inside.

We hear a woman's voice say, "Don’t forget to eat." As we cannot find the speaker, we ask Bleu to cast detection spells. She tells us that the alcove is magic, as well as the bottle near it, the books in the bookshelf, and the ironbound chest. The voice, she says, is a recording using the Magic Mouth spell.

I check out the chest. It is locked with an outstanding lock. Polly shoots it to make sure it's not a mimic. Then I borrow Garreth's Gloves of Dexterity, drink an Agility Potion, and easily pick the lock. "Piece of cake." I give Garreth back his gloves, and he puts them back on.

Inside the chest are $35,391 in many gold and platinum coins, ten shiny gems worth $1,000 each, and 9 books. Bleu says they look like spellbooks of rare spells. As the chest has unusual depth, Bleu says we cannot safely put the chest into our Bag of Holding, though I can get in it easily, and breathe while in it.

We check out the bottle. It looks like a common bottle, but has some words in Aquan on it: "Stream," "Fountain," "Geyser," and "Halt." Bleu says this is a Decanter of Endless Water, and these are command words. In the alcove, Bleu sees writing in Draconic, and says these are command words for heating the metal plates in the alcove. We pour some water from the Decanter onto the plates, then speak the command words, and the the water steams as it hits the now-glowing plates. We check for food, and find reserved delicacies, canned dire duck foie gras, elven cookies, elven brandy, and so forth. I feed Logan the dire duck foie gras, while Garreth and I try the brandy.

We check the bookcase, and see it has 25 books with Draconic writing on them. Bleu says the writing is about shelves, ladders, steps, and stairs. Speaking the command words, we turn the books into steps spiraling up to the hole in the ceiling. Garreth steps on them, but the books sink a little from his weight, so I step on them, then walk up them to the hole. Garreth, of course, just walks on the air, as do the others.

This circular level is about 35 feet athwart. An opening in the well-lit ceiling leads to a loft that looks like it is cluttered with junk. Along the right wall are several dwarf trees, and along the left wall there is a big desk and many wooden easels. The easels hold canvas paintings, some done, some still needing work.

A perky feminine voice says, “Don’t forget to water the trees. Still need to finish the painting of Amarantha.”

Nobody knows who Amarantha is.

Monday, February 13, 2023

Castle Whiterock 23 January 2023: How do a rakshasa and a medusa get it on, anyways?

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar

What they did

Back in Cillamar, Garreth buys a mirrored dwarven shield and a man-sized sack, while I buy two Charisma potions. Then we go back to Castle Whiterock, down to Baghanaya's lair.

We go chill near the toxic waste. I hand Stonemaul a joint to smoke while he meditates next to toxic waste. The djinn from earlier holds up his hands trying to look friendly.

I take a swig of whiskey. "Hey, whassup?"

The djinn says, "Lord Baghanaya, the Great Rakshasa, welcomes you to his domain and requests you not explode the door again."

I shrug. "Yeah, well, it's open, so we don't need to blow it up." I look around. "Where's his girlfriend?"

The djinn says, "The Lady Scithia is found to the south, past his humble abode. I will lead you to where you may begin your hunt."

I offer the djinn a drink. He says, "Ooh, I love air and water, is it related?" I say it is, and he comes over and takes a drink. "Ah, electrifying! I could become a tornado! But I won't."

I say, “Well, it'll put hair on your chest if you drink enough. And I promise not to smoke anything around you, since that's fire and air."

Garreth asks if the djinn grants wishes, and the djinn says he is not planning to grant any wishes at that time.

The djinn leads us to some curtains by a tiger statue. He stops and does something by the statue, and the curtains open to a short hallway that turns right beyond the curtains. At the end of the hallway is a set of stone double doors, and there is another such set on the far wall about midway through the hallway. The djinn says,  "Through these doors is the masters art collection. Do you wish to see the art collection?" I tell him we'll pass for now, then he leads us to the set of doors at the end of the hall. "Lady Scithia may be found beyond. She is not expecting you."

Garreth shuts his eyes and hands me the shield, which I crouch behind. I put a blindfold on Logan and make a leash out of twine. I make another blindfold out of part of my shirt and wear it as a headband as a failsafe, and put some twine on Polly's wrist. Polly shuts her eyes and readies her shield and rapier. Garreth tells Bleu to keep back and only get involved when we need her. Garreth and I chat about how we're going to talk to Scithia, but we can't think of what to say beyond asking her what her relationship is with Baghanaya. With that, I push open the door.

Beyond the door are tunnels like the ones outside Baghanaya's apartments. To my right and forward I hear something. I'm looking at the ground with the shield up as I lead everyone to where I hear the din.

I don't have to lead everyone far before Garreth feels the blows. I hear him yelp, and can smell the perfume of the medusas. Logan and Polly blindly swat at the medusas near them, and both hit. When they hit, the medusas poof in a shower of flower petals. I whip out a Greater Healing potion and hold it out for Garreth, who already is drinking one of his own potions. Bleu peeks out and casts Great Haste on Garreth. We hear Scithia's astonished cry. "Waa? Your not dead? You just healed that much? Guards! Baghanaya cuddles! Help!"

The medusas step back and shoot a volley of arrows at Garreth, who bats them away. Scithia yells, "Unfair!"

The guardian statues turn into snakes and move. One swats at me, but I block it with the mirrored shield. I step and pour a potion Garreth's throat. Logan and Polly go after a snake, Polly dropping her buckler and rapier to grab her bow (I think). Garreth charges towards the source of the arrows. Scithia yells, "Stupid guards! You let him past!" I hear the din of Garreth yelling a kiai as he chops at medusas, and then Scithia yells, "Aiii! Baghanaya, help!"

I hear the sound of a blade coming out, and the light coming towards us dims. The djinn says, "Um, do you still wish to continue hostilities? You seem to have upset Lady Scithia greatly."

I call back, "Jeez, all we were gonna do was nab her so the rakshasa could have kinky sex with her!"
From there, we start chatting. The djinn tells the statues to stand down. I say, "Hey, Lord Baghanaya wanted us to capture you, bind you, and bring you to his room for perversions I dare not fathom."

Scithia asks, "Waaa! Is that true, Baghanaya?!"

I hear Baghanaya's growl. "You weren't supposed to tell her that! I was supposed to swoop in and heroically save her!"

I sigh, "You weren't saving her fast enough!"

Scithia asks, "Why didn't you leave your room?"

Baghanaya says, "I was finishing my glass of wine, and I was in bed. With the covers, it was comfortable."

Scithia cries, "They were going to kill me! The half orc! And he must be immortal! I stabbed him in the vitals! Five times! With my assassin's dagger! With bladeblack! By surprise! And he didn't die!"

I chuckle. "We weren't gonna kill you! Just get you laid!"

Garreth sings a little tune, "I'm Too Awesome for Death."

Itake a swig. "I forget cats aren't the most motivated creatures. Even cats dressed like Hugh Hefner and having kinky sex with snake women."

Scithia sobs, "HMMMFFF! And I was even wearing this cute magical maid armor!"

I grin. "I bet it's hot. Baghanaya is gonna be a lucky cat tonight." I think about peeking out, but instead light up a joint. "I'll stick to getting stoned this way."

For all this, Baghanaya gives Garreth a ring of Wish, Polly an Ironskin Amulet, and me a rod of Wither Limb. "Hmmmf! You're a lot of trouble, Scithia. Not only are you mad at me, I am paying to have you mad at me!"

Scithia scoffs. "Yeah, well, all my ex-boyfriends are in your art gallery! Wanna join them?"

I chuckle and make an aside to Baghanaya. "Baghanaya, if it means anything, but make-up-after-a-fight sex is way, way hot."

Monday, January 23, 2023

Castle Whiterock 9 January 2023: Tiger tales

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar

What they did

We see a rakshasa sitting on the bed. I ask him, "Hey, there, wanna drink up?"

The rakshasa scowls. "Drink? With you? What makes you think you are worthy to drink with me, intruders who have killed my guards and broken into my sanctum?"

I shrug. "We didn't wanna drink with your guards, man. We wanted the best!"

He pauses. "Have you any duergar stout? It has been so long since a shipment from Narborg arrived."

I turn to Garreth. "Hey, Garreth, got any duergar stout?"

Garreth sighs. "I don't think we have any left, we could go rummage around in the ruins and see what we can find."

Garreth starts looking, but the rakshasa pipes up. "Ah, Gar-Eff and the Murder Hoboes?" He sniffs. "I do not see the point of such frivolities as much, I believe that the truest form of artistic expression is fine oratory" It then goes into ancient speeches of forgotten generals from the past, in the Ancient tongue.

I turn to Bleu. "Bleu, getting all of this?"

Bleu looks at me point blank. "No."

Garreth mutters in Undercommon, "Is he worth being friends with? Music is frivolity? What is that, poetry?"

I say back, "He looks like he knows how to party, man."

The rakshasa says back to us in Undercommon, "Only if you are worthy to be my friends."

I go through the booze in the bag of holding. "Man, we need a liquor cabinet of holding, too."

Stonemaul: chimes in. "The garbage those under-dwarves drink is only fit for setting things on fire. You might be able to get it as a cornucopia of flame-syphon ammo."

The rakshasa cocks an eyebrow. "You know of something far superior?"

Stonemaul says, "I will differ to my compatriots who have a very adventurous pallet to make recommendation."

Garreth shrugs. "I'm less of a connoisseur than a heavy consumer. I like to get drunk but it takes flammable booze by the pint. I'm depressingly sober right now, though. We had a bottle of dwarven firewine a while back that wasn't bad."

I hand over my whiskeyskin. "G, have a little more."

Garreth eyes the tiger thing and shakes his head slowly. "After."

The rakshasa dismisses us with a wave. "Then, depart the way you came, and return only with appropriate gifts, then may I leave you pass."

Garreth asks, "What would we pass to?"

The rakshasa says, "Beyond my realm and into that of the dragon. Also if you run into a medusa, do not slay her, bring her to me bound and you shall be rewarded."

I say, "We don't care about your realm. I mean, it sounds sweet, but it's yours. We care about that dragon. The medusa, not my type. I like being stoned, but not stoned stoned."

Stonemaul nods. "What would your plans be for this medusa?"

The rakshasa smiles. "We've been together for a few centuries now so I think it would you know, as they say, spice things up." He gives Stonemaul a wink.

I give the rakshasa a thumbs-up. "I totally dig the way you think."

Stonemaul says, "So, you're already in a relationship with the medusa and you want to pay us to become third parties to your bedroom play?" He shrugs. "I am OK with that."

The rakshasa adds, "I can gallantly rescue her! It will be fun! I won't even kill you!"

I ask, "How do we all deal with her eyes?"

Stonemaul says, "They do say that if you close off your eyes your other senses are heightened."

The rakshasa scoffs, "Uh, if you intend to deal with the dragon you best be able to handle a medusa. Put a bag over her head?"

I agree. "That works! It works for a medusa or for Bea Arthur!"

Stonemaul sighs. "Well, we were going to have to deal with the medusa anyway, and this seems like a very valid opportunity to introduce some chaos into what seems like a longstanding relationship."

Garreth shrugs. "It's something to discuss and or plan for. We might want to go get a mirrored shield or four."

Stonemaul nods. "If you'd be so kind as to excuse us we'll discuss your offer in detail." He heads back to the barrel of radioactive waste.

The rakshasa nods as well. "Very well, do stop by after you have your little chat"

I tell Logan to stand watch, and we chat among ourselves, as much in Aquan as we can. Stonemaul says, "As I said, we were going to have to deal with the rakshasa and the medusa anyway. Doing this seems to make the job a bit easier. Further, with Zaber's platinum-coated tongue we can most likely simply inform the medusa of the plan, and have her act out the helpless victim, thus avoiding that fight as well."

I gurgle in Aquan, "I, like, know he wants to kill us and will do it when he has a chance, but I like his lifestyle."

Stonemaul says, "I believe you won him over quite well with your speech, and he seemed pretty honest about his offer. I'm totally down if you guys want to just get on with the slaughtering, but having a medusa and rakshasa in our debt seems like it may pay off more than having a few more notches on my sword."

Garreth has Bleu tell us about rakshasas. "So, they are a race of Lawful Evil outsiders. They enjoy power and dominance of a predatory aristocrat, but the lazy indolence and luxury of a cat. They cannot resist the finer things in life, and wield powerful sorcerous magic. They can shapeshift and assume various forms, preferring that of humanoid tigers, but are marked by their reversed hands."

Garreth raises his eyebrow. "Lawful? So they must keep deals?"

Bleu nods. "It does not appear it is a form of demonic contract, but yes, they should in general honor their word. They feel their nobility far exceeds that of lesser races." Garreth asks if they can grant wishes. Bleu says they cannot, but they can craft enchantments.

Stonemaul says, "So, it seems the real question is: how much can we negotiate playing bedroom pixies for?"

Garreth shakes his head. "So, I have a few other concerns. He associated with the slavers. I went a long way out of my way to murder those slavers."

Stonemaul sighs. "Suppose we could ask him what he intends to do after this is all said and done. Get back to the choppin' if it's more slavery."

Garreth shakes his head again. "The association with slavery, then the ask to bring us another creature bound up just rubs me the wrong way. I'll go along with the group on this, but making my concerns heard."

I say, "Will do whatever it takes to get in this cat's doubtless marvelous liquor cabinet."

Garreth chuckles, "Murder gets us there just fine."

Stonemaul says, "How about this? We do like I outlined: Zaber talks to the medusa. So long as she's down for whatever this relationship is, then are are just bedroom pixies facilitating … something. And we get them both to pay us for the troubles."

With that, we set forth for Cillamar again to get mirrored shields.