Personae dramatis
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman
Quid occurrit
Mateo de Leon Garcia is a red wizard from the city of Pumšássun in the Duchy of Suslópnis who is coming to the town of Mīstássun in the County of Mīsarkēnê to make a fortune in the boondocks. He was with a caravan, but bandits hit it as it passed by the Outpost of Swords, and he got off the road in the fight. He wound up in the woods, where he runs into some redneck murderhoboes.
Honsou, Felcanis, Grignok, and Mēnévē see a well-dressed man step out of the woods. After some pleasantries, Mateo agrees to link up with these redneck murderhoboes, and Honsou shows Mateo the sword. It shocks him, and Felcanis heals him. As it happens, Felcanis is the only one who can touch the sword without it it hurting her.
They go west towards Mīstássun. There are storm clouds on the horizon. Around midday, they wander into woods with some trees chopped down, and hear a craggy voice. "Hey, haven't you bothered me enough?"
They turn, and see a dwarf with no earlobes. Honsou asks what they have done to bother him, and the dwarf says that they took his treasure and wrecked his home. Honsou asks for more details. "I've done like five of those this week."
The dwarf sighs. "You and your nasty elf friend wrecked my home! Your orc was the most well-behaved of you!"
Honsou says, "Oh, yeah. Good times."
That night, not long after bed, the dwarf shows up at the mist around the camp while Honsou is on watch. "Hey! You all in there! I wanna talk to you!" After some banter, the dwarf, whose name is Zurâg, says he wants to get back to town to sell some lumber. "I wanna get back to town! I have some lumber I wanna sell. You all owe me! Can I come with you all?" Honsou tells him he needs to talk to the others, and the next morning, Zurâg shows up, dragging some logs in a makeshift truck. They agree to let him come along.
That night, they make it to the village of Káddrakos. Zurâg splits from the group. "Thank you, for once! Sorry about your friend. She must have opened her mouth one too many times!" He trades with the gnomes for supplies, and the group spends the night in the Winking Friar inn. Honsou picks some pockets and gets eight copper.
In mid-afternoon the next day, they are walking along the road, and should make it to Mīstássun that night. Honsou sees some movement in the trees. He looks, and sees some men, who somehow think they are hidden. A buck-toothed man steps out. "Hey, we've been robbed!"
Honsou asks, "Why are you staying in the bush?"
Bucky says, "We thought they were coming back for more! We were gonna get 'em on the rebound!"
Honsou eyes them, knowing fellow bullshitters. "Why would they come back for more if they already robbed you?"
Bucky says, "We still have our weapons!"
Mateo asks which way they went. Bucky thinks for a moment, then points to the west. "They went that-a-way!"
Honsou nods. "Let's go that direction. I'm the only one around here allowed to steal from people." So, they keep walking west as before, towards town, which they reach that evening.
In town, Mēnévē splits from them group. Honsou tries to sell a painting, and has trouble finding a buyer. Mateo finds someone in the market who is looking for a big but bland painting and buys it for 400 copper, of which Mateo takes a fifth.
Next up is selling the longsword of hurts-everyone-but-Felcanis. They look around for someone who can identify it, and they find a older, stocky, out-of-shape man named Praidīvós. "I'll cut you a deal. I identify it and help you sell it, and you give me a thousand farthings out of the sale. You in?" Mateo says nothing upfront, and wheedles him down to 900 farthings, but with a cut of a tenth of the sale. They haggle more, and Honsou takes the first offer: a thousand farthings, payable upon sale.
Praidīvós takes the sword to a back room while his apprentice, a young woman with short hair and slightly crossed eyes named Kôštē, makes tea for Mateo. "Enjoy your fucking tea."
Praidīvós sticks his head out of the room. "Watch your language, Kôštē!"
An hour passes, and Praidīvós comes out, eyes wide. "I—I need to check my books. Kôštē, stay with them for a bit. Don't touch the sword. It will damage anyone who isn't pure of heart. Which describes none of us." He goes back into the other room, then comes out again after several minutes. "Well, I should use my connections on selling this. Give me another thousand out of it; trust me, it's worth it. And definitely don't touch the sword. I'm almost certain the sword is Seft, and I should be able to get a few hundred gold pieces for it. It won't like you. I won't like any of us. It likes people who give alms to the poor, and it makes sure you do so."
Honsou agrees, and Praidīvós says to give him a week. After a week, Praidīvós hands over 750 gold pieces. "Believe me, this was a pleasure doing business with you." Mateo takes 120 gold, while Honsou hands over 200 gold to each of Felcanis and Grignok.
The town gets the gold right back. Honsou buys a fine, balanced composite longbow, and Light, Impenetrable Fine Light Leather Armor of Warding. He swaps his old armor and bow for 96 arrows. Felcanis gets Light Elven Light Mail of Invulnerability (and Redundancy) and a Light Fine Medium Shield of Warding, selling her old armor and shield while doing so.
Over that week, they look for work. The talk of the Scarlet Harlot this week is that someone brought back some truffles from the woods in the southeast, and said the boars there gored his buddy to death. The guy who tells them this raves about the truffles.
Mateo gets drunk with a guy from the village of Bóllā in the east, on the edge of the woods. Big spiders have been known to come to this village and have even taken away a couple of villagers now. The size of the spiders varies each time he tells it. He's pretty wasted.
Honsou is picking pockets, and overhears a guy complaining about losing all his loot while in the hills to the north. Some bandits hit him pretty good, and he barely managed to get away with his life. Since the guy looks beat up, Honsou chooses to pick a different pocket.
After some chatter, they choose to go to Bóllā. It sits on the edge of the Eldalîvā Woods, and they has passed through there many times on the way to Dībités Rock. They can make it to the market village of Ōndrûnks on the road, then walk to Bóllā from there, a trip of about thirty miles. The next day, the first of the month of Párūs, they set forth for Bóllā in nice May weather.
On the road to the Ōndrûnks area, a one-armed elf male waves at them. With his good hand, of course. "Greetings! What brings you fellows and lady this way?" Honsou asks to trade with him. "Well, good sir, I deal in masonry! You humans are always building homes out of mud and cow shit, but I have bricks!" He points to the wheelbarrow he is dragging behind him, a rope to it around his waist.
Honsou asks for a brick. "I want one brick, if I have to send a death threat through a window."
The elf chuckles. "I like the way you think, son! I'll let you have a brick for a farthing. Be sure to let everyone know where you got it unless you're dealing with one of those death threats! Then I didn't know you." And so he sells Honsou a brick for a farthing.
That night, they make it to Bóllā, and widow Dáklā puts them up for the night for twenty farthings. She squints and fidgets often. "Eh, don't get too close to the children. What brings you here this time?" Honsou says the giant spiders do, and she shuts up fast. "I don't know what's up with the spiders. Because there are no spiders."
Honsou scoffs. "I've been arrested plenty of times so I know you're lying straight to my face."
Dáklā says, "Well, did you get hit—what? Arrested? For what?"
Honsou says, "Let me see … It was robbing, more robbing, throwing a brick into someone's house, and defiling a church. But that one wasn't my fault."
Dáklā glares at Mateo. "You seem like a nice young man. Control your friend. And don't go looking for spiders. They carry off cattle. We don't want them coming back. Now, go to bed." She tells Mateo to go to Lady Savendótē the next morning if he wants a reward for killing the spiders.
Dáklā's oldest son, in his early teens, watches them all night. Especially Honsou. The next morning, Dáklā throws them out at first light.
The manor house is pretty easy to find. Honsou knocks on the door. An attractive woman in traveling clothes opens the door. "Yes?" This is Lady Savendótē. Mateo brings up the spiders, and she gazes at him for a second before telling him, "They can get over the wall, and they come from the east, in the woods."
They walk out of the village, through the east gate. The watchman cackles as they pass. "They'll get you! They always get you!" Then he falls asleep.
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