Castle Whiterock 16 May 2022: Got the teeth of the hydra upon ya

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
(Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior)

What they did

I can see a bunch of hydra heads float, and a roar from Garreth. The hydrakittens throb and thrash. I take the heads off a hydrakitten, and step back, but soon it bursts as do the other kittens, which hurts. There are a lot of rocks, silt, bubbles, and blood making it hard to see as the hydra's body bursts with the din of Leonard Nimoy's cover of "Proud Mary." I slug the major healing potion I have in hand and yell, "This sounds worse than any Justin Bieber concert!" before slugging another healing potion.

I swim towards Bleu and get a look at her. She eyes are staring off into nothing, as if she were listening to herself speak. As she does not look good, I grab her by the neckline and swim up to the surface of the lake. There, I see that I got her up in time, as her being dead would stop all her spells.

After a little bit, Thrognar, Logan, and Garreth make it to the top, with Garreth dragging a wounded Polly. Garreth hands Polly to Thrognar and the wineskin of healing to me. I pour the potion from the wineskin into Polly's mouth, and I give Garreth the ring of Swimming so he can go down and get loot to pay for Bleu's resurrection. He sheathes Scalemar and pulls out a magically-lit sai, then goes back down. I give Polly seven doses of potion, take two myself, one to Logan, then hand over the funbag to Thrognar so he can drink. We swim towards shore, and Logan drags Thrognar as he swims to let Thrognar rest. 

After a long swim, we see fins sticking out of the water. Polly says, "Oh, fishies!" as sharks circle nearer. I look around and find a chest that has floated up from the hydra's lair. I slyly slip Bleu's bloody body past the sharks and onto the chest, and Thrognar climbs on himself. Polly and I get on, and Polly asks, "So now we don't have to fight the nice nature fishies?" I shake my head, and the sharks swim off to munch on hydra parts, while Logan pulls our makeshift raft to shore.

Once on shore, we start drying off and resting. After about an hour, we see two big crabs swimming to the shore. One, an orange crab, has water steaming around it and the other, a blue crab, is freezing the water around it to slush. The crabs crawl onto shore, and Logan and I cut the eyestalks off the orange one, though its heat hurts Logan. "Logan! Back off that thing and look for butter!" Thrognar pulls out his sword and cuts an eyestalk off the blue crab. It tries to go after Polly, but she cuts off its last eye. Polly and I stab the crabs in their mouths to finish them off, then I cook the crabs using the heat from the shell of the orange crab. I feed Logan and give him a sip from the funbag for his burns.

After another hour or two, Garreth comes back, with a lot of loot and hydra fangs and butter in the bag of holding. We go back to town and raise Bleu from the dead. I try flirting with her again, but she keeps babbling about something, so I fall asleep. I wake up again after how many minutes, and she's still babbling about something.

Castle Whiterock 2 May 2022: It writes the songs

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

(Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior)

What they did

After seeing the hydra and swimming forward, Garreth cranes his head to look under it at a big mound of treasure. He looks longingly at it, then drops his knife and yanks out Scalemar. He focuses on his chi while the rest of us swim forward.

One of the heads of the hydra lines up with Garreth and me and lets out a burst of sound ripples forth. It hurts me, the sound being a Melvins bootleg, but not Garreth. The hydra's other seven heads, its claws, and its tail try to rend Garreth, but all miss as he steps back. Two of its heads shout more awful din: Nickelback at Garreth and Polly, and "Afternoon Delight" at Garreth and Logan. (I imagine Garreth must be hearing Nickelback playing a cover of "Afternoon Delight.") Then great lumps swell up on the hydra, and suddenly popping and sending hydrakittens towards Logan and me, though we step away. And to top that off, its other heads, claws, and tail snap for Garreth, who again gets out of the way.

Now, there are few things worse than Nickelback covering "Afternoon Delight," so Garreth cuts three heads off the hydra as it steps back. Bleu slides forward, Logan runs forward but to the side, and Thrognar steps, prays, and gets stronger and faster. I know I'm useless in a fore strike against it, so I start running around the wreck of the castle wall that breaks up the battlefield.

I hear a pop, then some rushing behind me, then a brief snippet of "Friday," and some agony in the voices of the elf women. Then there's some popping and the rushing of water, then some orcish grunts. I hear another loud pop while I hear a hydrakitten follow me, then a short blast of the chorus of "Run, Joey, Run." Some more popping and more orcish grunting come from behind as I turn and peer past the corner, a hydrakitten blocking my path.

A hydra head floats into sight. Bleu casts Great Haste on herself, and steps and turns to keep her back against the wall. Some more hydra blood fouls the water, then some hydrakitten heads float up. I cut off two hydrakitten necks.

I can hear a loud pop from the heading of the hydra, then a smaller pop with a rush of water. A hydrakitten smashes into Thrognar's back. It doesn't hurt him, however, and another pop and some slashing comes from the heading of the hydra. 

I get out of the way of a hydrakitten's bites, and Bleu Blinks and weaves away from the ones on her. Garreth shouts at the hydra, but the hydra shouts "My Humps," at Garreth and Bleu; she cringes in pain. Then there is some thrashing and an orcish-sounding grunt from the hydra's way, then some stuff in Aquan, then a glug. A couple more hydrakittens float into sight right after I cut off a couple more heads as well.

As is happening so often, I hear a pop, then some thrashing, and an orcish-sounding grunt. There is another pop before I hear "Sussudio" and then see Bleu Blinking away. However, she Blinks to a hydrakitten, which claws her, and she starts to look blue. I see some more hydrakitten heads drift from the hydra, and cut off two more. I also see a big sword float from that way. Thrognar rushes towards the sword and grabs it. The sword goes through water like air and shakes with power. Some more hydrakitten heads come into sight near it, and I kill the one nearest me and pull out a Major Healing potion to drink when I get a chance.

Without a break, I can hear "Who Let the Dogs Out?" and see Bleu wince. There's some thrashing before the ear assault of "We Built This City," "Mambo Number 5," and "Mandy," the last of which kills poor Bleu. I step past a flailing hydrakitten and can see Garreth and Polly pressing the hydra.