Castle Whiterock log 1 August 2022: Crawdaddy

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

We go to the area near the pudding. I slip my ring on, and walk inside, Logan in tow. The narrow passage winds its way into the cliff side before we reach a natural cavern. The walls are rough and jagged, and the uneven floor is strewn with rocks and boulders. I see two big crawfish. They wave their antennas, then move towards the tunnel. I back up, and prod Logan with my foot to have him do the same. Thrognar sees Logan coming (since he can't see me), and also starts backing up as well.

We step out and wait for the crawfish, as does Polly when she sees us. Thrognar steps aside and focuses his religious mumbo-jumbo, while Garreth does the same with his spear. Bleu casts Haste.

The crawfish get out, and I stab one in the eye, popping it out of its stalk. I swing again, and it fends off my knife with its claw. Logan tries the same, with the crawfish swatting his first swipe, and his second bangs off the eyestalk. Polly pulls out her rapier and tries to take off an eyestalk, but likewise can't harm it. The crawfish claws at Polly and Logan, but they back away.

Polly tries to stab a chink in an eye stalk. It gets its claw in the way of her first blow, but she hurts it with her second, though it still can crane its eye, and it gets out of the way of her next swing. Thrognar swings at one's head, and cracks open its skull. I step aside and start putting on my ring. Logan goes for a chink in an eye stalk and wounds it. Garreth whacks one's skull again and again, splitting it open, then hits the next one as well. It tries to claw at Garreth, but he fends it off.

Polly again stabs the scelera, and bats it around, drawing blood. Thrognar cracks its skull open with two fast blows, but it still is wiggling its claws. I get my ring on. Logan also goes for the chink in the eye armor, and lands one claw but misses with the other one. Garreth swings swiftly, and lobotomizes it, killing it, and Logan starts eating its brain. The pudding comes out and eats the other one. Logan growls, but doesn't go after the pudding, leaving it to the second crawfish.

After Logan gets done eating, I lead Polly and him down the tunnel. I find a little nook, and see a shine of a pin on a high shelf. I take it, and it springs to a two-foot shortsword. We see another tunnel, and find it leads back into the dungeon where Garreth slew the giant crawfish.

We back out, and show Garreth the pin. He touches it, and it turns into a shortsword big enough for him, and when Polly tries it, it turns into a Polly-sized shortsword. She thinks it's magical.

We swim to the surface to chat, and agree to check out the top of the castle wall. We go back down, and I lead Polly and Logan atop it, looking for the aqua gargoyle while Thrognar heals Garreth. After a short walk. I spot a gargoyle looking rather concerned and trying to hide with his back to the frond fiends. I poke Polly to get her to signal, and she signals that I poked her for an unknown reason. I grab her face and turn it have her see the gargoyle, and she signals to the others that there's a gargoyle.

Garreth pops up. It gurgles at him, and he gurgles back. The gargoyle smiles at Garreth after a few more gurgles. Logan checks to see how solid its flesh is, but it's rock, so not appetizing. After some more gurgles, it ducks away.

Garreth tells us the gargoyle is a kapoacinth named Syngnatus, and it has agreed to give us gifts. Syngnatus comes back up a few seconds later with a chest and some burns. It gurgles with Garreth, then hands him the chest. He pops it open, and inside finds a fine chess set of carved white quartz and black obsidian gemstones on a fine white marble and black basalt board. "I told him we'd kill the rest of the frond fiends in trade," says Garreth, and we do that after Bleu puts the chest in the bag of holding.

Game log 31 July 2022: Fire fire fire!

Personae dramatis

Grignok, orc druid often in panther shape
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman

Tulip, elf bard (NPC)

Mēnévē, broken-nosed fighter (NPC)

Quid occurrit

They go down the stairs on the side of the cavern, then walk down and come to a fork in the cavern. In the middle of this room where three passages meet are five columns of many hues that go from the floor to the ceiling. These are where stalactites have met stalagmites, and do not come together in any kind of pattern. 

They go left, and wind their way into a big cavern. On the far wall there is what looks like a big stone waterfall, carved or frozen in place. Grignok checks out the waterfall, and it's strangely slick stone, spilling onto the floor. There are also big pieces of some brown stuff on the base, which Honsou jokes that this means this is the bathroom. Grignok does think it looks like big caterpillar poop.

They go back to the room with the columns, then down the right-hand tunnel. They find themselves in a big room, carved and with big rotten banners hanging from the stalactites. There are three pillars to the right, but they pass them and walk across the room to another way out. That tunnel winds down after bending to the right, stopping at a well, with four tunnels leading out. Grignok sniffs at something buried next to the well, and Honsou digs up an old wineskin, with a broken strap and the bottom split open.

They go out this room through the tunnel to the left of the one through which they came in, and find themselves in a cavern. On the left wall is a well-made iron switch. Honsou checks it out and pulls it. He does, and a loud mechanical churning and trembling from above fills the whole room. After many seconds, it stops with a loud "Bing!" 

Honsou stands paralyzed as soon as he brings down the switch. Grignok licks him, leaving panther spit on his cheek, then drags him to Felcanis. Felcanis tries to see what is wrong with him, but doesn't understand it. Grignok realizes he's not poisoned, but can say nothing since he's in panther shape. So Felcanis keeps diagnosing. For some reason, Honsou starts to move normally during this. "I'm free!"

Felcanis walks to a tunnel on the wall opposite the one through which they came in, and the others follow. The cavern into which she walks is a dead-end with a stone slab in the middle of it. She checks it out, and sees a parchment on it. She looks it out but does not touch it. There are mystical symbols all over it, and crude drawings of what looks like fish with whiskers on the margins. This doesn't look like a text of Saundīvós or anything actually written in any tongue she knows. It might be connected with the slab somehow. It is definitely religious. It might have been a text to an old cult something or another.

Honsou takes a look at the slab as well. It has some grooves along the edges of the top that open up to the ground at the corners. Otherwise, it's just a slab carved out of a rock that lies about waist-high. He lies down on it, and nothing happens. Grignok pounces on it; nothing happens.

They walk back out the way they came, then go out the room with the switch to the right of the way they first came into it (or the left of the way they came into it this time). After many feet of walking, they see a tall, evil being in the shape of a winged man, wreathed in fire and shadow. It has a big fiery broadsword and a long fiery whip, and fights with those and its sharp teeth and claws. Felcanis is not quite sure what this guy is, but it's some kind of demon, she is pretty sure of that, and not friendly.

The balrog cackles evilly. "Who are you who has come to these caverns?" Honsou starts praying to him. The balrog laughs. "Good, that one knows true power!" It steps forward, and Honsou pulls out an arrow and aims. Mēnévē readies her warhammer and steps back. Felcanis casts Shield 3 on Honsou. Grignok tries to cast Fog but fails. The balrog cracks its flaming whip at Felcanis. She steps back and dodges the lash, but both she and Honsou can feel that the flame is close to lava-hot. 

Tulip steps forward and starts casting Daze. Honsou moves back. Mēnévē steps back, her warhammer before her. Grignok casts Fog, and they dart away. The balrog cackles. "Plot all you want, puny scum!"

They run back to the room with the well. Felcanis checks out the well, and holds herself back from pulling the rope. They go out of the well room, then walk down the tunnel to the left of the one they first checked out. That tunnel splits: a cave to the right that looks like a dead end, then a passage opening to a big cave ahead. They check out the cave to the right, and find an old noose dangling in the middle of it. Under the dust next to the noose is a big wooden shaft. Since neither the noose nor the shaft do anything when Honsou prods them, they go to the big cave.

No sooner do they walk into the big cave do they see the balrog again, who tries to hit Honsou with its whip but misses. It roars in anger. Grignok dashes towards the tunnel through which they first came into the balrog's cave, and the others turn and run. "Stay and die!" It cracks its whip at Tulip, hitting her back and killing her. Then it starts to run after Grignok. The others run back to the well, and hear no more flapping of wings from the balrog's chamber.

Grignok catches up to the others at the well, having lost the balrog. They go into the one tunnel they hadn't checked out, and wind their way down it a long way. It opens into a big cavern, with a throne to their right. The throne is in the shape of a big head, or perhaps a skull, with the seat in the mouth. Honsou sits in it, like a little boy in the daddy chair. "I am god!" he yells. Grignok leaps into Honsou's lap.

Felcanis sees some words carved into the wall near the throne. She reads them; they're in Elvish: "The Underdark is under Rākētêr Tower."

As this means nothing to them, they move on, finding two tunnels on the left side of the cavern. They take the one to the left, and find themselves standing atop a short cliff about three yards high with many handholds.  At the bottom, there are four women and one man, all with scythes, one woman in plate and mail, all others in heavy leather. One woman has an arm in a makeshift sling.

The one in plate, a heavily-built woman with fine features and long, straight medium chestnut brunette hair, and her eyes being a bit crossed, calls up. "Hello there!" After greeting her back, the heroes reveal that demons brought them there. "Oh. Did the bandits go after you, too?"

Honsou says, "Yeah, and we did try fight a big demon."

The cross-eyed woman gulps. "Uh, yeah, that one. Did you kill the bandits?" Honsou says they did, but not the demon, who instead killed one of their companions.  "Oh. May his body be whole." The woman belches and blushes afterwards.

Honsou asks if the woman has a way of killing demons, and she shrugs. "Oh. I understand fire works well." Honsou offers to get the woman's and her companion's help in fighting the demon, but she passes on that. "We were mostly trying to avoid the bandits, but since you slew them, we should be fine." She asks if their dead friend is over by the demon, and Honsou says she is, and asks why she is asking. "Oh, just wondering. It's unfortunate to hear about his demise."

The cross-eyed woman leads her friends up the cliff. After some time taken to deal with the woman with the crippled arm, they make it up and walk out. "Thanks for killing those bandits!" With that, they walk past. Grignok hops down the cliff, then leaps up, and the heroes walk away as well.

They go back and take the fork to the right. After a short tunnel, they find themselves in a cavern with a hole on the west wall, about knee high. They shun the hole, and instead go left. They walk into a cavern with a big natural column in the middle, then, after a turn, walk to a fork in the road. They take a left, and find themselves in the room with the cliff where the cross-eyed woman and her fellows had been.

They take the other fork to the right, and walk upwards. In the tunnel where they find themselves Honsou spots a big rock pushed against one side. They push and push on it, and Bill tries pulling, but it won't move. Honsou spots the rock is snagged on other rocks in the ground, so he shoves it so that it doesn't catch, and then they open it easily.

Honsou walks into the small room, and finds a trap door in the floor. He pulls it open, and sees a long mine shaft. He climbs in, and climbs down for a long time until the shaft gets too narrow to go further. Since he can see nothing remarkable (or anything at all), he climbs up, and meets the others.

It dawns upon Grignok that the tunnel leads into the balrog's lair, so Felcanis casts Flaming Weapon on Honsou's knife and he sneaks into the balrog's cave. Grignok follows. They creep slowly into the balrog's cave. There is no balrog inside. They get Tulip's body and put it on Bill's back. 

Searching for traps?

Richard LeBlanc writes great products, and now he has a new one on sale for $3: In Alley and Shadow. If you don't already have the D30 DM's Companion and the D30 Sandbox Companion, you have problems. Get it while it's cheap.

The section on Thieves’ Ability to Find/Disarm Traps (pp. 12-13) led me to think of a similar set of rules for GURPS:

Finders Keepers? When looking for traps, a critical failure on the Per-based Traps roll sets off a trap when it is present. Making the roll exactly when a trap is present leads the seeker to think a trap is there, but isn't sure. The seeker can look again, which takes a minute. When a trap is not present but someone looks, roll Per-based Traps anyways. A critical failure means the seeker thinks a trap is there, but isn't sure. The seeker can look again for the trap, wasting a minute.

I'll have to try it the next time I play.

Castle Whiterock log 25 July 2022: Instant sashimi

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

Back in Cillamar, I hear tales of an aquatic gargoyle that lives on the wall, and of seakittens that can stab people at great speed. Chauntessa herds the whole group off to Whiterock while the townsfolk fix Cillamar after we spend the week there.

We go back to where we fought the eels, and check out the wall where I felt some tingling and Logan smelled something good. The wall looks like a way into tunnels. The narrow passage winds its way into the cliff side before going into a natural cavern. The walls are rough and jagged, and the uneven floor is strewn with rocks and boulders. I put on my ring and check it out. Once I walk in, I get a tingling and Logan smells something. I see a black pudding in a crag to my left attached to the ceiling waiting above the rotting corpse of an electric eel. I gather it's laying in wait for someone to come nearer so it can drop on him. Since there's no bling in sight, I step out, take off my ring, and signal "Danger" to the others.

Garreth swims to the surface of the water, and we all follow. He asks me what I saw, and I tell him about the black pudding. He asks Bleu about the black pudding, and she says, "It is akin to Inky Lord, but much smaller. They are most susceptible to cutting damage, but they are known to dissolve or stick to weapons. One suggested method is to carry a bunch of weapons so you can trade off. They have been known to collect treasure to lure prey. You can of course use bows or magic as well."

Garreth asks how smart they are. Bleu says, "Animal intelligence, like a wolf." Garreth asks if it has loot, and Bleu says, "It's possible, yes. Puddings are known to be very affectionate and quite willing to embrace people as well. The Great Naturalist Erwin Stephens did many studies of them until constant resurrections proved to exceed his grant money."

Polly says, "This is boring. We should go kill it or go past it, or kill it and go past it."

I say, "Everything Blah talks about is boring. Let's check to see if it has treasure without prodding it. If it does, we kill it. If not, we ignore it." We all agree to ignore it and go back down. 

Once down, we spot a bunch of sailfish coming out of the blabberwort forest and streaking through the water towards us. Garreth readies his trident, Thrognar focuses his chi, Logan steps and waits in the mouth of the tunnel, and I put on the ring.

The sailfish charge at us. One fish comes towards me and I stab it in the eyes, killing it. Four of them miss Garreth, of which one also misses me and Thrognar parries it. Then another two charge Garreth, missing him, and one also goes past Polly. Polly gets out of the way of another fish, while one almost hits me were it not for the dwarven beer can that hits its tusk first.

Polly pulls out her rapier and waits. Garreth grumbles and steps, dropping the trident and fast drawing Scalemar. Then he focuses, getting his sword to cast Great Haste on him. I step into the tunnel and start putting on my ring again. Logan waits for a fish to come into reach. Thrognar steps and waits for a fish to come near. One does, and Thrognar swings twice. His blade parts the sailfish like the Red Sea, half a fish fillet on each side. Polly cleaves a skull in with her rapier. A sailfish swims at Bleu, but Garreth gets his sword in the way. Another one goes for Polly, but Garreth parries that one, too, and parries the next one that tries the same to Polly as well. Thrognar parries one coming towards him, while Logan tries to gouge out the eyes of a sailfish going for him. Another fish goes for Polly, but she dodges, while Garreth has to parry a fish that goes after him. A last fish misses Garreth wholly.

Polly hits the confused fish in the skull, splitting it open, then steps. Garreth chops up five fish, making instant sashimi in a second.

Game log 17 July 2022: Who are you?

Personae dramatis

Tulip, elf bard
Grignok, orc druid
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman

Quid occurrit

They search the old bedroom, but find nothing. Felcanis casts Stop Bleeding on Mēnévē, Grignok, and herself, then Grignok turns Mēnévē into a tree with Plant Form Other and heals her with Heal Plant. "Piddy iddin hep wid my doze," says Mēnévē. They hole up there and rest for 10 hours, with Grignok casting Mystic Mist and Felcanis casting Watchdog. Grignok also turns Felcanis into a tree with Plant Form Other, casts Heal Plant to heal her, then turns her back so she can cast Major Healing on Grignok and Minor Healing on Honsou.

They go back to the hallway, and wind their way to the stairs up a level. From there, they walk past the stairs and the stub of the rope pointing upwards, through the door, past a broken holy symbol of Saundīvós, to the edge of the water. Honsou pulls out some rope and Grignok casts Body of Slime on himself and goes into the water, pulling the rope behind him. He goes into the flooded room to his right and sees the hole. In the hole, he finds a jar, which he takes and brings back to the others. They open it and find a bunch of coins.

Grignok goes back into the water. He goes farther inward then sees a hallway going left, which he takes. After a short jaunt through an empty room and some twists, he makes it into the big cavern, and sees a landing to his left. On the landing is a slim man in leather armor, with a broadsword at his side. The man peers at Grignok's slimy body. "What are you?"

Grignok asks him, "Who are you?"

The man sizes up Grignok. "My name is unimportant." Grignok puffs out his chest and asks why is whatever he his important. "You have no weapon. I've seen so many creatures of the water down here, but I've never seen one like you. Quit wasting my time and go away."

The man says nothing more although Grignok keeps trying to chat him up. So Grignok casts Lightning and slaps him in the back. This shocks him and makes him fall. Grignok tries to grab his sword but cannot, so the man jumps up. Grignok grabs him, and he wiggles away, "Go away, slimy cheater!"
Grignok gets a better grip. "I just wanted to talk! You had to be mean, like all the others. Now we're gonna hug it out."

The man cannot get out of his grasp. "What do you want to talk about, monster?"
Grignok asks, "What's your name?"

The man thinks, then shakes his head. "I don't remember anymore. It has been too long." Grignok asks why he's there, and he says, "To kill fight the best and kill cheaters." He asks Grignok to let him go, and instead Grignok squeezes tighter, cracking his ribs, and the man passes out. Grignok grabs his sword, and it burns his body.

After about five minutes since the last time everyone saw him, Grignok comes back, holding a sword. Grignok tosses the sword down. "Look what I found." Felcanis picks up the sword. It doesn't hurt her, and she puts it on the mule. 

Grignok casts Heal Plant on himself. After this, he rests for awhile, then casts Body of Slime again to go back in the water to check out the last bend past the first two happways. He takes the bend going right, then swims a little farther into a room. In there are two bunk beds nailed to the floor, made of a crude iron for some reason, thus rusting. He goes out, and goes right around the corner, which itself is a small room. There he sees old racks for scrolls in that bend, but doesn't check them out.

After turning right, he goes towards the room at the end of the hall, and sees some movement straight ahead. He sees there are two giant piranhas, but they swim past him since he's a plant. He gives a piranha a pat, and the piranha wiggles past the pond scum touching it. He goes into the room and checks out a marble pillar there. The piranhas swim in their room, waiting for more flesh.

Grignok goes back to room at the corner. There is an old wardrobe, the wood oddly not rotten. He opens the wardrobe, and finds himself in a thicket outdoors, among the rotten and withered trees from the area outside the keep. He casts Mystic Mist around himself and rests up for almost an hour. Once rested, he casts Shapeshifting on himself and turns into a panther.

Felcanis grows concerned about Grignok, so she leads the group out of the dungeon. They get out, and it's about midnight. No patrols outside that they can see. After about an hour for Felcanis and the party after leaving the dungeon or 90 minutes for Grignok after teleporting out, the group and the panther run into each other. Felcanis sets up camp.

Castle Whiterock Log 18 July 2022: Totally drained

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

Logan upon smelling good food moves in on the wrecked tower, and clouds of giant eels rise up from the rubble. He bites an eel and eats it. Logan holds the eel body in his mouth, dangling limply. I turn, step, and stab another eel in the head, felling it in one stroke. Garreth focuses inward, bringing out the inner speed.

Bleu steps and looks at the eels. "Ah, these are Gymnotidae Electrophorus, also known as electric eels. They use an electric discharge to stun or kill prey, live in freshwater habitats, and particularly enjoy eating people in metal armor. Jellied eels are a particular delicacy in Elven culture, and the smaller eels work well when baked in pies. The larger specimens are also known to grapple their prey. They are known to be particularly susceptible to heavily armored clerics with Resist Lightning, as the eels love metal armored targets and will often target them. Not that elves make a habit of attacking them, as they are natural creatures. However, their habit of hiding in small places and trying to eat people has been known to lead to unfortunate conflicts."

Polly says, "I really wish I had my bow." She pulls out her rapier, then rushes over to a big eel, hitting it twice and killing it with the second blow. An eel swims up to Garreth, then nips at him, shocking him and stunning him. Two other ones do the same to Logan and me, but we shun the shock. Swarms of little eels go around us, trying to shock us, but hardly arousing a tickle.

Logan chomps on the swarming little eels around him. I stab the big eel near me in the brain before swatting my knife at a few little ones. Garreth snaps aware, kills a big eel, and wounds another. Bleu casts Resist Lightning on Garreth, and Polly swings at the swarms near her. A big eel swims towards Garreth and lets out a shock, but it does nothing to him. The swarms around Logan, Polly, and me all let out more shock, and this time it hurts Polly and me.

Polly, Logan, and I fight through our pain and chop up little eels, while Garreth gets a big one before chopping baby eels as well. A big one swims up to Logan and tries to shock him, but doesn't hurt him, while another comes up and zaps me. However, the little ones shock the hell out of Polly, Logan, and me.

Logan munches down some of the swarm, while I pull out my potion of great healing and chug it. Garreth chops up a big one, and Polly fights through her pain and chops up a swarm. Bleu swims towards her. The big eels turn and look like they're gathering power. The swarms zap Logan, Polly, and me, but we all chop back.

Garreth kills two more big ones near me, and Bleu swims towards me. A big eel swims up to me and gives me a zap, but I stay up. Swarms swim up to Polly, Logan, and me and shock us. This doesn't bother Logan much and he munches through the eels, while Polly and I also chop back. It hurts, but then I feel Bleu's hand cast Resist Lightning on me, letting me watch Garreth chop up another big one.

The swarms zap Garreth, Polly, and me, but none of it hurts us now. I chop up some baby ones, and Logan pounces on a big one's skull, ripping out its brain and lapping it up with a big lick. Garreth and Polly chop up the last baby eels near them, while Garreth and I easily handle the last ones.

We drink from the bag of healing, then I search the rocks. In them, I find a bunch of coins, some wrecked armor, and a suit of blue plate armor with a seashell-like design and fine mail webbing on the sollerets and gauntlets. Linked to this suit by a silver lanyard is a golden trident. They are magical, needless to say. To top off our funds Polly gathers up a bunch of eel skins to sell to make elven eel pies. Then we go back to town, our bag of healing drained.

Castle Whiterock log 11 July 2022: Eely annoying

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

In town, Thrognar fills up his emergency major healing potion and goes to the town orphanage and drops off 9,000 copper farthings. This makes the orphans happy. Afterwards, he and Garreth take the blabberwort to Quintus. Quintus claps his hands and smiles widely once he sees the blabberwort. "Ah! Splendid! Blabberwort! Come back in a while and I will have the herbicide for you. It is too bad Stonemaul is not here. Dwarven hatred works well in herbicide."

Garreth blinks. "I got plenty of hatred right here."

Quintus says, "Well, think hateful thoughts while crouching down really low." Garreth growls low and angry and sees swirling images of the hydra melting and dissolving in the brew.  Quintus pats him on the back. "That's the spirit!" Then, he moves carefully away from Garreth. "Try thinking about plants, not just the hydra." Garreth thinks about that hydra then pushes his hatred towards the mana-eating plants in his memory. 

He stays that way for a couple days beside the cauldron before wandering off to get riotously drunk and wrestle with Logan. Then he sleeps for the rest of the week, waking only to eat.

I spend the week hiding out, drinking in the gutter. After a few days, the bar owners are putting up missing persons posters. I see my face drawn on a pitcher of milk, and then find the artist and bid him to do a better job. The artist says, "I'm sorry Zaber, but the best artist in town, Lord Flitwick, has gone missing." So I draw a crude camel on the milk jug, and label it, "Wickprick." After a few hours I hear hearsay that I'll turn into a camel if I ever sober up.

I go looking for Seépravir to find out where Flitwick is, or if she has a spell that can help me get Flitwick's daughter into bed. Seep is busy ascending to a higher plane of consciousness, so I just get plastered instead, dance in my underwear at the bar, and sleep with a barmaid. The barmaid looks much less like an elf princess when I wake up, so I shudder. "Happens every time."

Sometime later as the sun beams down Chauntessa comes up to me. "I think that's enough antics for this week, Zaber. It's the weekend and time for you to get Garreth and your other friends and head back to Whiterock. My staff might work themselves to death if you stayed around over the weekend."

I ask her, "Can you get me my clothes? Your barmaid stole them." I run outside in my undergarments to everyone's laughter, and Chauntessa announces a scavenger hunt to find my clothes. Folks find my clothes over half the town over the next few hours, while I gather with Thrognar and Garreth at the Slumbering Drake. "I really should settle down and get drunk with the same woman every night. Avoid surprises for what awaits me when I wake."

Chauntessa laughs. "If you drank with the same girl every night they'd die of alcohol poisoning, it's going to be days before my barmaid dries out enough to work." I point out that none of the other patrons drink enough to sleep with her, so she should be safe. Garreth says I should hook up with a half-orc woman, and Thrognar says I should pick a dwarf woman. Neither seem right. "I'd toss the dwarf woman. The half-orc woman would toss me."

We drag Logan out of the pantry of the Slumbering Drake, and Chauntessa has folks find Polly and bring her back. With them together, we set forth for the lake again. Garreth leads us back to the room where we fought the eel and merrow. 

In the room, we find a ratty old giant clam shell against the wall. When we move it, we find a small alcove. I look a little more, and inside we find an eelskin pouch, a metal rod about two feet long with many dents in it, a flash, and a bunch of big fish jaws. I look at the rod for a moment, and realize this isn't the fabled Rod of the Hedgehog. I hand it to Bleu, who takes it and hands it to Garreth.

Garreth taps the rod against a nearby wall then swings it around. It's kind of graceful as a mace, but not as a two-handed sword. Then he holds it up against the clamshell and the dents match the clamshell. "This was used to pry and prop open dire clams. Let's keep an eye out for more clams. You wouldn't keep a tool like this around unless you had a purpose." He slides the rod into the Bag of Holding.

I ask Blah if any of this is magical, and she says it isn't. I look in the pouch and find a bunch of big pearls: white, smokey, and black. I also find a small pouch holding some smooth pebbles. Garreth says that you'd use the pebbles to start clams in growing pearls.

I also notice a twisty small passage wending its way into the rubble that the eel was hiding in. Garreth, Logan, and I squeeze in while Thrognar keeps watch at the entrance. After I walk a few feet, I feel the hair on the back of my head stand up. I look around me, as well as above and below. Up ahead I spot the flickering bodies of many baby eels. Beyond them I notice a scroll case with green gems glinting off it. The eels look at me with open mouths, like they haven't been fed in a week. Logan looks back at the eels, also thinking they are tasty.

I hide, and the eels start to back off. Logan runs forward and eats the eels with a minimal shock. The tunnel is a place of carnage, blood, and dismembered floating bits of electric eel misery. I grab the scroll case, slimy with eel bits. It is pewter-worked with emeralds.

We get out and I show the scroll case to Blah, who tells me that it is a Scroll Case of Power that grants three energy for casting scrolls left in it overnight and holds ten scrolls. I sarcastically say that it sounds exciting, which makes Bleu almost excited. She helpfully tells me all about the Power spell, which is related to Recover Energy. I pretend to listen, and nod.

We go north past the hydra lair and find a pile of rubble that seems like it might have once been a tower. We see the sweeping wall heading off to the West and check it out. We keep going west, and it bends a little to the southwest, and see the back door to the room where we drank in the bubbles.

Not far past the back door, we find a hunk of the wall that has fallen into a pile of shifting white rock rubble. The barren landscape is pockmarked by clumps of plant growth here and there, and swarms of tiny fish dart in and out of the rocky crevices.

I don't see anything hazardous, but feel tingly. I check things out, usual full circle and above/below look. I circle around, hey, there are more interesting rocks over there too, around the corner. I move more warily towards there. I check the currents … something has me on edge

I have Logan smell, and he gets excited. I slip towards the bend, and let Logan swim to eat whatever it is in the pile of rocks.

Castle Whiterock 27 June 2022: In the colony of Slippermen

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
(Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior)

What they did

I belch. "Hey, let's get that blabbermouth stuff for Quint!" The Aquan potion still is working, so everyone understands me.

Thrognar says, "Agreed. Where was the blabberwort again?" Polly and I both point him towards the blabberworts. "Then let's be off. Thank you for your hospitality, pixies."

Caendril yells at him, "NIXIES!"

Thrognar blushes. "Sorry, a vocal typo."

Garreth nods. "We'll see you again!"

We walk over to the blabberwort stocks. Garreth tells Thrognar that the plant is hostile, but Polly says, "It was just hungry and thought we were delicious. Probably." I slip between the blabberwort plants and use my knife to harvest seven fronds oozing with acidic goodness.

We go back towards the nixen lair, but veer left. We think we see a secret door in the wall. Bleu gets a good look. "As you can see, the sedimentation pattern here shows that this has undergone gradual buildup over the course of … " So on, so forth, "… that area however has been disturbed by actual hands to conceal an entrance in the otherwise natural rock formation."

Garreth says, "So that means a secret door?

Thrognar asks him, "Does she always go on like this?"

Garreth shrugs. "I hired her for water breathing and flight and stuff. Brevity wasn't a required qualification. She's great at what she does."

Bleu keeps babbling. "From the indentations you can see it clearly also houses spear traps. The spear traps appear to be a design of class 7 spears often associated with ogres." Bleu lectures us about ogre spear designs of the past several centuries.

I tell her the truth: "I like you better when you don't talk, Bleu." I go up to the door and disarm its trap.

Thrognar asks, "Shall we see what's hidden behind the door?"

Polly looks at me. "Sure! Maybe there's orks."

I give Polly a shit-eating grin and open the door.

It is hard to see how high the ceiling is in this big room, as there are many nets are strung up along most of it, as well dangling from an archway. The nets are clogged with brown and green bits of algae. Ahead of us there is a pile of jagged rocks in what looks to have been more of the room. Along the righthand wall is a big pile of dead plants and soft tufts of bright green algae.

Garreth hypnotizes himself.  I go in and start swim upwards to check out the nets, but I spot a 20-foot-long eel ahead. I flip it off to see if it understands or even sees, more to the point. The hair on the back of my head stands on end, so I go no farther towards it.

The eel looks at me and sparks. "Funny, I didn't know it knew body Common!" We all pull out our weapons, and it sparks more. I keep feeling tingling, so I hold up my hand to hold everyone back, and wait for it to come to us. Thrognar steps and summons godly might.

I feel something coil about snugly from behind and grapple me. The great fishy beast coiling around me hacks at Logan with its halberd, but he gets out of the way. It also swings at Bleu, but she Blinks away, and Logan steps away from the rest of its blows. The eel swims up and lets out an electric shock, wounding all of us, and stunning Garreth and Logan, though Garreth snaps back fast.

Polly readies her buckler and new rapier and swims in reach of the eel. I try to cut the merrow but cannot hurt it through the pain. Thrognar stabs the eel in the eye, killing it, and gets his sword out before it gives off a dying shock. It shocks the rest of us, leaving Polly and me stunned as well as Logan.

The merrow hurls me at Thrognar. Thrognar drops his sword, reaches out, and grabs me, twisting in the water to stall the momentum. I am a bit dizzy and fall from his grip. It then swims forward swiftly, grabs Logan with its tail, and slashes at Polly four times with its halberd. It looks like she's dead but somehow is still standing.

Garreth slashes at the merrow and Bleu casts Great Haste on him. His second blow hits, knocking it out. Polly snaps awake and kills it before it can wake.

We heal up. Garreth pulls out the bag of healing potions, and Thrognar drinks a potion of Major Healing. After about twenty swigs between us, we're all healed.

Garreth asks Bleu, "What is that thing that attacked us? Is it worth talking to?"

Bleu tells Garreth, "It is a Merrow, a type of Sea Ogre. Normally they are extremely dumb, however according to Von Hofflestein's Postulate only the dumb ones are observed as intelligent ones stay away from civilization and adventuring parties. According to the Magnimus Cranius, Magnimus Brainius Law it may be intelligent, like a dragon, however, some arguments hold this is not true, as ogres and minotaurs are less sagacious. We could extract its brain and unfold it to see, a more wrinkled brain encodes more information by the Dwarven Engraving Movement."

I poke Logan and whisper in his ear, then he goes up to Bleu and licks her face again and again. She at last gets that Logan is licking her and looks at me. "Why is your mustelid licking my face?"

I tell her the truth. "Because I think it's funny."

Bleu says, "Please, this is a serious delve"

Garreth blinks at Bleu as Logan licks her face again. "What made you think that? You're in a dungeon with a drunken master and a wolverine."

I add, "And a master drunk."

Polly adds, "And an elven archer!"

Bleu helpfully gives examples of Delving Law, going back to the 74th Legislature of Mondrian.

I ask the others if they want him to stop. They don't say anything, so I laugh until I am bored, then I wave at Logan to stop.

Thrognar asks Bleu if if anything of the eel is worth something. Bleu says, "You can attempt to harvest the electric organs. They can be sold or used to fashion lightning javelins or the like." I take a look at the merrow body, and I find that it's wearing eelskin armor and a shiny silver ring. I beckon Bleu over and she says that those are magical, as well as the dueling halberd it wielded, made from hydra fangs. Carved into the halberd are some words in Dwarven, which I read:

"To my friend and supplier Trosk -Impresario
"May yours nets prove ever bountiful"

I shrug. "Mistah Trosk, he dead." We go back to Cillamar to get Polly's Bless renewed.

Castle Whiterock 13 June 2022: Carry On Nixen

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

I point out the urchins. Garreth eyes them and Logan growls at them, and bubbles come out of his mouth. 

Since everyone agrees, I pull out my knife and slash the urchin twice, wounding it. It sticks its spikes back at me but misses. Logan bites twice at an urchin, but his bites cannot get through the stout carapace. Its spines miss him, then he sticks his claws in the gaps in its carapace, and wounds it. Thrognar runs at an urchin with his Seraphic Lance and hurts it. Polly moves into range. Garreth whips out Scalemar and concentrates. Stonemaul shows up as the urchins try to shove their spines in the rest of us but miss. He charges into an urchin with his shield then chops it with his katana, and gets away from its spines.

Again, I cut the urchin nearest me, again wounding it, and again getting away from its spines. Logan shoves his claws into the carapace, trying to get what he thinks has to taste good, and wounds it and gets away from the spines. Thrognar drops his lance, pulls out his greatsword, and chops an urchin to bits. Polly likewise pulls out her rapier and chops up an urchin, even getting a slice at another one nearby when she fells the first one. The urchins shove their spines into us, not only missing, but the one on me falls onto my knife, dying. "And, ah, let that be a lesson to you, you spiny squishy thing!" Garreth whacks it with Scalemar, but takes a spine back. The poison runs through his blood and … does nothing, since he's Garreth. Stonemaul kills an urchin with his katana.

I turn to another urchin and cut it up, while Logan fights to get to eat his lunch. Thrognar stuns the urchin near him with his blows, and Polly kills an urchin. At last, Logan gets a moment and pulls open the urchin, and eats its yummy innards.

I step inside the tower, and the others follow. Through the gloom of the darkness at least half a dozen swimming humanoids come out. Each levels a loaded crossbow not quite toward your group and waits. The six-inch-tall humanoids have delicate scales and flowing long hair that sometimes betrays elven-like ears. Each wears a simple loincloth and vest and carries a shortsword at his or her side. As they drift closer, a muscular nix comes nearer, wearing mail armor made of interlocking shells.

Garreth raises his hand and waves, then says in Aquan, "Glug!" After a few glugs back and forth, the nixen swim towards us with vials. Garreth says these these potions will let us speak Aquan, so we glug the potion of glug. The nix, named Caendril, then lets us inside. The nixen gather the shells of the urchins and feed them to us, and bring out some Kelpenbrau, which are a big bubbles of alcohol in which you float, drinking the booze around you. 

As I float in the bubble, Garreth sings for the nixen, and Logan harmonizes. After a rousing concert, the nixen ask us to hand over our missile weapons to bless them. I hand over my crossbow, as does everyone else, though Polly balks a little at handing over her bow. Then, we promise to come back in a week to get our weapons, bring snacks, and have Garreth and Logan sing again. They also give Garreth a counter to the urchin poison, though it hasn't hurt him much as it is.

Castle Whiterock 23 May 2022: We all babble on

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
(Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior)

What they did

We take Bleu to the Temple of Ildavir to bring her back to life. There, we meet Elias, who greets us. "I wish I could have joined you for the flailing but I have been so busy here at the temple." He takes a look at Bleu's body. "Ah! The spirit has fled the body, may Ildavir bless her soul! But is not completely fled. Please insert 14,000 copper into yon donation box before she arrives at the Great Tree in the Sky." Garreth dutifully counts out coins. Eli yells, "Flailings!" and waves his flail vigorously. It has Flaming Weapon on it. Acolytes hurry to move flammable relics away from him. "Where's evil?"

Garreth and I start drinking the sacramental wine, and Garreth gives Elias a swig of whatever he carries from his hip flask. Elias drinks long enough to stop swinging his flail, then starts the ceremony:

"Sword Cut, spear stab, mace smash, arrow jab,

"Let the white light of healing descend on thee.

"Let the white light of healing stop thy spilling blood.

"Let the white light of healing mend thy bones.

"Let the white light of healing close thy wounds.

"Let the white light of healing restore thy vigor.

"The white light of healing hath resurrected thee.”

Eli flails the flaming flail around over Bleu and has an acolyte splash her with sacred wine which roars to flame as it hits the flail, and in a great cascade of flames Bleu is now in one piece again.

Meanwhile, I'm smoking the incense. After coughing from my first incense joint, I find a less harsh incense, then see that I look around for more sacred wines. "Why do folks suddenly have less booze when we're around?"

Garreth watches for signs of life. Bleu's eyes flutter open. "Oh, am I alive again? Oh, yes, I am fine."

Garreth gently touches her hand. "You gonna make it, little lady? Sorry about that. We got the hydra, but things were touch and go for a while."

I come over to the ceremony, big blunt of the temple's finest incense in one hand and a bottle of sacramental wine in the other, and ask Bleu, "So, ah, Bleu, what did you see before you woke up?"

Thrognar wanders over and asks, "Yes, what was waiting for you?"

Bleu says, "I was counting leaves of the Great Tree and making notes on how many and what colors."

Garreth asks, "So, was that paradise or punishment?"

Bleu says, "It was restful."

Garreth says, "The Tree will still be there next time. For now, there's more loot to get."

I am about to ask about the leaves of the Great Tree, but realize that Bleu will never shut up about them, so I stop. I'm not that drunk or stoned. Then I see Logan rooting around in a coffin. "Logan, get out of that! Sorry, I'm sure the deceased's family will understand that wolverines do that while looking for food."

Eli says, "Uhm, please have your mustelid put the limb of the deceased back." Logan puts back the arm.

An acolyte brings sawdust cookies and says, "Body of the Great Tree." Logan leans up and eats a bunch right off the platter. I try one; they taste like sawdust but are high in fiber. Logan doesn't care.

This delights Elias. "Ah! The Mustelid is a true believer! We must have more sawdust cookies!" He leaves.

The acolyte says, "Oh no, last time Father Eli went to the Reliquary of Sawdust there was—" BOOOOM!

Garreth shrugs. He calmly takes out some free range organic goat jerky (extra chewy) and starts chewing. The acolyte, now worried, says, "Oh no, we will need to close the temple for repairs. Perhaps you gentlemen, gentleladies, and um, gentlemustelid would care to visit some other time?"

I belch. "Yeah, I just drank the last of your sacramental wine, so we totally need to move on."

The acolyte's face falls farther. "Oh no, we must brew more sap wine." His green hair seems to be prematurely greying as he talks.

Garreth wanders out chewing goat jerky. I look around as I walk out. "Wow, this is starting to resemble the last bar we were at. You should open it up for happy hour more often." Logan follows Garreth, who has the jerky, and we can hear the acolyte weeping in despair behind us. I tell Polly, "Y'know, Polly, if more churches had happy hour, I'd go to church more!" Garreth burps, releasing a hellacious mix of Sriracha Goat jerky and rotgut liquor.

Logan nudges Garreth's hand, looking up at him for food. Garreth eyes the wolverine. "Is he safe to eat sriracha?"

I say, "Aw, you know him. He'll eat shit on rubber." Garreth tears off a hunk and drops it to the wolverine. Logan eats up the jerky, oblivious to the spiciness, and looks up at Garreth again.

Quintus dodders over, "There you are! Have you found the Bladderwort?"

Garreth says, "Oh, we saw it, I think, but there were sharks, and a Hydra and …. It's been a mess. One thing lead to another and bam! We're in the temple drinking booze and paying for resurrections."

Quintus says, "I can't finish up your herbicide without it, though goodness knows where I'll find the time with Lyssa done being all independent."

I ask, "Wait, why were we in the temple when we could have gone to one of the taverns?"

Polly says, "We were visiting Eli I think and Thrognar had to use the Sun Box."

I say, "Oh, yeah, that's right, the temple had happy hour."

Garreth says, "And barkeeps can't cast resurrection … yet."

Quintus asks, "Happy Hour at the Temple of Ildavir?"

Garreth asks, "Did you know they keep wine in there?"

I say, "They kept wine, yes. But they chased us out. Eli blew up something while making cookies."

Quintus nods. "That Eli was inordinately fond of Flaming Weapon."

Thrognar says, "Yes, very rude of them. We didn't blow anything up."

Quintus chuckles. "Sure, you didn't blow anything up. Why, just last week at the Slumbering Drake I heard a rumor that a vampire named Ivy kept claiming she didn't blow anything up!"

I ask, "Did she blow up anything?"

Quintus grins, "Probably. If she didn't blow anything up why would she claim she didn't? Not that I ever talked to her myself."

I say, "Well, we didn't blow up anything yet, but we've only been back a few hours." I think for a moment, then remember something. "Hey, wait, Quintus, did you know we saw some of that bladderwort stuff down in the lake?"

Garreth asks, "Wait, they had a vampire in the Drake?" He looks at the sword on his back. "Does consorting with vampires make a dragon evil?"

Quintus says, "Aren't most dragons evil? I suppose it depends on the dragon and the vampire."

I say, "The ones with long-lost vintages definitely are. Hey, wait, wasn't there something about a vampire?"

Bleu starts babbling about Veil theory, which this vampire allegedly wrote. It seems to be kind of like describing blades of grass on both sides of your neighbors fence, except none of them are actually greener. I say, "Y'know, she had more interesting stories to tell until we brought her to the bar for Eli."

After some more chatter about dragons, evil, apprentices, resurrection, herbicide, weeds, and moral relativism, we get ready to set forth for the lake. I let Garreth know that he has to dress up for the nixen, so he gets into into his courtly getup from the last time he performed, and loads his armor into the bag of holding.

I try to figure out Bleu's Veil theory. It seems to be that there are the normal things you see, and then there are the things like werewolves, succubi and vampires that hide among people, unseen, and eat them. "Y'know, Bleu, you look way hotter when you're not talking, right?" Bleu helpfully talks about many theories of physical and mental attraction, like Von Hollinger's Twelfth Axiom of Mutual Incompatibility, and something about putting fruit flies into jars. I facepalm.

So, we set forth for the lake, and when we get there, Garreth puts on the Aquan ring, and we go back into the underwater arena. There, a 15-foot-wide fallen swath of wall leads into the inky darkness of the tower. A thick carpet of brown-green algae clings to the walls, hanging over the opening. There is a little light, but its nearer to nothing than something.

I go first because I know the nixen will be thrilled to see me. When I step forth, I see a bunch of big spiky things hiding among the algae. They look like the big spiky things that shot holes in the skiffs earlier. Logan sniffs to see if he can eat them, and I wave to everyone that we might have a problem.

Garreth calls out in Aquan, "Glurgle gurgle glug glug."

A nixie says back in Aquan, "Glug glug gurgle gurgle."

Garreth shrugs and draws Scalemar.