The murderhoboes
Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
What they did
Polly tries to find Ghost Touch for her rapier, which she does, but cannot find Shatterproof for it also. She gets a new bless, and we go back to Castle Whiterock.
We go back to the room where we fought the djinn, and outside the door, there's a sign. The sign has writing in many languages, including Common, Dwarven, Undercommon, and Elven. I start to read it, and Garreth peers at the sign sounding it out, mouth moving silently. The hair on the back of my neck tingles, I stop reading. "Maybe not read that." The others stop reading it as well.
Garreth glares through his eyelids at the sign while stepping back, sensing with chi. He beckons Logan to him, then rummages in the backpack of holding for his awesome mundane oricalchum sword. Garreth fishes it out and takes note of the sign's location. Logan pants and makes a couple of yipping sounds. "Zaber, get away from there!" Garreth hauls us and the barrel behind the safe rock wall.
Garreth asks Bleu, "If I put a greatsword through the trap, what are the odds I regret it?"
Bleu shrugs. "Sometimes things explode, sometimes they don't." She gives us a detailed accounting of the 1,801 observed objects hit with a greatsword by Twombius the Thwacker, of which 904 exploded
I roll my eyes. "Wake me when she's done." Garreth tosses his sword at the sign, splitting it in two and letting out a blast, far enough away so that nothing hurts us. I takes a swig of whiskey after a hit. "Wow. Cool."
Garreth goes to get his sword. He picks it up and sheathes it, in time to see the doors swing open! "Hey guys, that sign is a heath and safety hazard, imagine if someone fragile had been here."
We see a large three headed white tiger, and I haven't yet taken any mushrooms. "Hello, Kitty!"
Polly moves and takes three shots at the triger and it falls dead. "The three heads and being covered in spiky protrusions plus loud explosions are signs of not being natural, right?" Garreth starts to skin the tiger after a slug from my whiskeyskin, and takes its salamander amulet after the tiger melts.
I takes another swig. "Hey, where's Blah?" I look around, and Bleu comes up from behind us. "Wow, Blah, we didn't notice you were gone!" The door is now open. I go into the room. I see a pair of incongruous stone doors are set into the wall across the surface of the lake. They seem to be unadorned. Intricate tracework of spellruin ivy surrounds the locking mechanisms. "We got any more magical Roundup?"
Garreth nods. "Bleu, let's say you wanted to contain a highly magical creature. Would planting spellruin ivy be a good way to get that done?" Bleu happily babbles on The Care of Magical Creatures, and we learn that trace amounts of spellruin ivy like this would be effective against small but mighty magical creatures such as the Lavender Micro Salamander, but not ones which might be able to physically force it. This would make it tough to use Lockmaster or other magic on the lock.
I sigh. "I think I wanna know what she's on."
Garreth asks, "What if there's a lot more beyond the door?" Bleu gives us many many many details of the Lavender Micro Salamander. According to her, one has big eyes, can set giant amounts of fires even though it is small, and likes blonde princesses and snow. It can control its temperature and makes a great pet if you don't mind it burning down houses, settlements, or woods from time to time.
Garreth sighs. "Bleu, I don't care about the salamander you kept as a pet. I want to know if lots of spellruin ivy could keep larger powerful magical creatures captive."
Bleu says, "Well, this door could stop a Lavender Micro Salamander, which is a powerful magical creature. It would not stop say a a very large elemental."
Garreth asks, "Or a demon?"
Bleu adds, "Possibly the lavender micro salamander could slip under the door, but not through the lock, as you can see the spellruin ivy, though only trace amounts, is very near the lock." Bleu happily babbles on the many and varied demons, of which only less strong ones would be stopped by this.
Garreth strips down to his shirtsleeves waiting till last to remove the amulet. He rushes the door and splatters the hinges and lock with herbicide, killing the ivy. He sets down the barrel and sprints back to the amulet, tossing it on, as well as the rest of his gear.
Bleu keeps babbling, "Now, the Lavender Micro Salamander would be able to melt out the locking mechanism and wiggle through." We also learn that Lavender Micro Salamanders enjoy hot peppers, hot coffee and hot lava baths.
I beckon to Bleu. "Bleu, come here. Smoke this." I light up my joint again and put in her mouth. She smokes it, and soon is telling stories of Lavender Micro Salamanders dancing through the clouds upside down to thin air. She is somewhat less boring. She flies through the air sideways, divorced from the call of gravity. "I'm gonna move her up to shrooms next."
I pick the lock, and the door opens. The path ahead is not rough stone, but rather a smooth corridor decorated with mosaics on all surfaces. The floor and ceiling resemble the delicate scales of a snake, and the walls feature bold designs similar to the pelt of a tiger.
However, Bleu keeps talking. She tells stories about phase serpents and cat snakes from college. "On the first day I fed four ounces of phase snake kibble, on the second day I fed four ounces of phase snake kibble, on the fourth day I fed four ounces of phase snake kibble, and on the fifth day I fed a dead rat!" She tells how the dancing clouds elevate the rats soul to the great beyond in the sky. How sad.
I chuckle, "Pretty soon she'll be my kinda woman."
After a few more feet, I make out lights ahead. The tunnel ends in an arched stone door. On either side of the door is a pillar, each mounted with the head of an animal: a tiger on the right and a snake to the left. From each animal’s mouth hands a low-burning, hooded lantern. I go past the doors, down the stairs, and check out the door, which is locked with even more spellruin ivy. I beckon Garreth for more Roundup, and he takes care of it before I pick the lock.
The door opens into a T-shaped room with high ceilings. In the middle of the room is a long table, with costly dishes atop it. Each end has a wooden thrones. Double doors are set into the wall on the other wide, and curtains hide what is beyond to the left and right. I check the left passage, pushing aside a spider silk curtain with a tiger print pattern.
Beyond the curtain is a big bedchamber with a big, four-poster bed fit for a king, a big vanity on the far wall with ribbons and combs all over it, and pillows scattered on floor. The ceiling arches overhead to a height of twenty feet. Checked tiles cover the floors, and smaller tiles make dizzying geometric patterns on the walls.
Lounging on a pillow is a man with a tiger’s pelt and head, and its paw-hands are set on its wrists backwards. It idly looks over at us as we go into the room and then smiles, showing a mouth full of sharp teeth.
I smile with envy. "Man, you have a great life!"
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