Castle Whiterock 13 March 2023: Scorpions taste like beef jerky

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)

What they did

Well, Garreth and I sit down and relax. We lie back and have some whiskey, some hard cider, some beer. We're just about to go have some hard stuff and we look around for Logan. "Hey, where did the little guy go? I was about to give him his whiskey!"

Garreth looks, then jerks his head and points to the Bag of Tricks we found. "See the moving up and down there? I think he smelled something inside."

I grit my teeth and watch. "This is weird, he doesn't normally like bags." I see the of the bag. "Either the little guy is getting a meal or getting a girl wolverine!"

Maybe a minute later, Logan comes out of the Bag of Tricks. Now his eyes are golden, and he has a golden glow to him as well. He wags his tail at us, yipping and panting. 

Garreth leans down and pours Logan a small bowl of whiskey. Logan laps up the whiskey, then pats his belly. He swipes at the air with his paw, then climbs up Garreth's leg and waves his paw in the air. "Did he beat a spider, Garreth?"

Polly says, "Oh look, Logan must be being Natureful."

He jumps down, then makes a menacing look and holds up both forepaws. Then he jumps in front of himself, and holds up both forepaws in the same way before taking a swipe at the air.

Fluffy asks, "Is the mustelid going to make a mess? I do not think Master Pelltiar wants mustelids to make messes."

Logan ignores Fluffy, takes his forepaws and moves them up and down onto each other, like a jaw, then gives a swipe with his paw again. Then he moves his forepaws like the jaw, but on the side, then he turns his tail and tries to jab it forward, before turning back around and giving another triumphant swipe with his forepaw.

Garreth scrunches his eyebrows. "A wolverine, an alligator, and … a scorpion?"

Logan puts his forepaws at the sides of his heads and sticks out the talons like horns, then grunts. He growls and tries to look really tough and impressive.

Garreth blinks, and I shake my head. Neither one of us have any idea what this is. Garreth suggests we go to the shrine of Justicia and wash the armor in the fountain to clean the curse. "It's been some time since we visited that shrine. I wonder if it will react to our newly-glowing friend."

We make it to the shrine, and the doors open for the Logan. He finds Celestial Communion Crackers and Celestial Grape Juice.

Garreth puts the armor in the fountain. He gets the idea that putting silver equal in weight to the armor into the fountain will wash away the sin. He shakes his head, and puts in platinum equal in worth to 96 pounds of silver. The coins boil and bubble, fizzing effervescently, bubble bubble, swish swish, swirl, agitate, and lo, the armor is now shiny with Goodness! He puts the armor on Logan, and it fits, though Logan doesn't have wings.

Logan's tale

Zaber and Garreth no know everything in bag. I smell food! I go in and see big rhinoceros with three horns and bony frill on neck.

Big rhino call himself SchildEsche the Triceratops. He say, "So Logan, you've attracted our attention. We want to help you ascend to your true potential." He talk funny, say big words. "Once you defeat these creatures, you'll be able to consume the magic that bound them and in turn become stronger." More big words, but I know "consume!"

SchildEsche click tongue. "You smash, you stronger, smarter. Me help you." He sighs and mutters, "Hopefully smarter, anyway."

Oh, I understand now! Beat monsters, get stronger!

SchildEsche say, "Logan, I'm on your side, we'll take them on together."

We look at monsters. We see other wolverine, alligator, giant ape, and boar. Bad wolverine say, "We shall consume you with rips and tears and FIRE!"

SchildEsche sigh at the diabolical wolverine. "You aren't qualified and that's not even a good threat." He roll eyes. "Oh, yes, embrace your darkness, that'll help."

Bad wolverine say, "Let's get these Celestial Dogs and show them a lesson!"

Alligator rush at SchildEsche and bite and swing tail, but miss. I swat at hind leg but skin is tough. SchildEsche say he save boar for later, then blasts big magic bubble at it. Bad wolverine rush at me and swing with claws and miss. Ape rush at me and swing with paws and miss, too!

Then alligator think it can hit me, and it miss again. I poke at alligator eye, but it step back. Then I rip out throat of other wolverine. It fall down dead! "Good … bad … I'm the wolverine with the talons." SchildEsche slam all three horns into alligator, and blood spurt as he pull his head back. Scorpion stabby tail at SchildEsche, and SchildEsche fall. 

Bad wolverine start to heal and get back up. Big ape try to grab me and miss. Alligator try to hit SchildEsche but he put frill on teeth and tail miss. I rip lungs out of bad wolverine, then shove middle talon in big ape, other in big ape eye. Big ape fall. SchildEsche get up. Scorpion come and try to stab me, but miss. Bad wolverine heal again.

Alligator try to bite and slap tail on SchildEsche but SchildEsche swat mouth and tail miss. I poke eye of big ape and it fall dead. I poke eye on bad wolverine and it fall down dead dead. I step and swing at scorpion tail but it have shell. SchildEsche stab alligator in belly and it fall down dead. Scorpion try to stab me but it miss, so I rip away eyes.

I crack open scorpion like Zaber crack open lobster and eat. Scorpion taste good! Alligator also taste good. Boar wake up, but SchildEsche charge, and I run to eat pork, too!

SchildEsche say, "As you consume your foes, consider the joy to be found in destroying evil. You've been doing it for some time, but you can do it with purpose!" I walk out of bag, and he say, "I hope to see you in the hills of Celestia!"

Zaber and Garreth look at me, and Garreth pour whiskey in bowl for me. I lap at whiskey to help swallow boar.

GURPS Day: New Armor Loadouts for DF13

Kickstarter backers now have their PDFs of the Dungeon Fantasy RPG. Well, those backers who bought the PDFs. On the up side, this game now uses armor based on the armor in GURPS Low-Tech. On the down side, this means the kits in GURPS Dungeon Fantasy 13: Loadouts are now wrong. Metal armor weighs less, but almost all armor is more costly. I like this works in play as it's not far from how I run things; it makes starting at 250 points tougher for a few sessions until everyone upgrades his armor, but I'm into lower-powered games anyways. Anyways, I wrote anew the armor parts of the loadouts. You will need to have DF 13 to make this work, so isn't this a good time to spend some money?

And oh yeah. We played on Sunday. Log will follow at some time.

Loadout	Location	Armor	DR	$	Wgt.
Light Barbarian	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Total Armor			$271	21.6
	Old Armor			$270	26
	Net			$1	-4.4
	Old Kit			$270	28
	New Kit			$271	23.6
Heavy Barbarian	Head	Scale	4/3	$138	7
	Body	Scale	4/3	$578	29.4
	Arms	Scale	4/3	$275	14
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$1,043	54.6
	Old Armor			$1,040	80
	Net			$3	-25.4
	Old Kit			$1,040	84
	New Kit			$1,043	58.6
Wandering Minstrel	Body	Light Cloth	1	$53	1.5
	Arms	Light Cloth	1	$25	3
	Legs	Light Cloth	1	$25	3
	Total Armor			$103	7.5
	Old Armor			$110	9
	Net			-$7	-1.5
	Old Kit			$246	15.9
	New Kit			$239	14.4
Courtly Bard	Body	Heavy Cloth	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Cloth	1	$25	3
	Legs	Light Cloth	1	$25	3
	Feet	Ornate (+2) Heavy Leather	2	$204	4.2
	Total Armor			$412	22.8
	Old Armor			$480	18
	Net			-$68	4.8
	Old Kit			$1,582	32.2
	New Kit			$1,514	37
Fighting Cleric	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$440	35.4
	Old Armor			$510	48
	Net			-$70	-12.6
	Old Kit			$850	77
	New Kit			$780	64.4
Healing Cleric	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$303	26.4
	Old Armor			$340	25
	Net			-$37	1.4
	Old Kit			$898	46
	New Kit			$861	47.4
Beastmaster	Body	Furs	1	$53	1.5
	Total Armor			$53	1.5
	Old Armor			$50	8
	Net			$3	-6.5
	Old Kit			$100	19
	New Kit			$103	12.5
Elementalist	Body	Light Leather	1	$53	1.5
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$100	7.2
	Old Armor			$115	7
	Net			-$15	0.2
	Old Kit			$627	23.5
	New Kit			$612	23.7
Green Druid	Head	Light Leather	1	$13	1.5
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Total Armor			$196	17.1
	Old Armor			$190	15
	Net			$6	2.1
	Old Kit			$400	32
	New Kit			$406	34.1
Armor of God	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$268	24.3
	Old Armor			$292	22
	Net			-$24	2.3
	Old Kit			$862	66
	New Kit			$838	68.3
Crusader	Head	Light Segmented Plate	3	$150	4
	Body	Light Segmented Plate	3	$630	16.8
	Arms	Light Segmented Plate	3	$300	8
	Hands	Light Segmented Plate	3	$60	1.6
	Legs	Light Segmented Plate	3	$450	12
	Feet	Light Segmented Plate	3	$210	5.6
	Total Armor			$1,800	48
	Old Armor			$1,830	73
	Net			-$30	-25
	Old Kit			$2,760	103.2
	New Kit			$2,730	78.2
Light Warrior	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$440	35.4
	Old Armor			$440	32
	Net			$0	3.4
	Old Kit			$440	32
	New Kit			$440	35.4
Medium Warrior	Head	Light Scale	3/2	$125	3
	Body	Light Scale	3/2	$336	16.8
	Arms	Light Scale	3/2	$160	8
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$790	41.6
	Old Armor			$810	69
	Net			-$20	-27.4
	Old Kit			$810	69
	New Kit			$790	41.6
Heavy Warrior	Head	Light Segmented Plate	3	$150	4
	Body	Light Segmented Plate	3	$630	16.8
	Arms	Light Segmented Plate	3	$300	8
	Hands	Light Segmented Plate	3	$60	1.6
	Legs	Light Segmented Plate	3	$450	12
	Feet	Light Segmented Plate	3	$210	5.6
	Total Armor			$1,800	48
	Old Armor			$1,830	73
	Net			-$30	-25
	Old Kit			$810	69
	New Kit			$780	44
Empty-Hand Warrior	Hands	Segmented Plate	4	$90	2.4
	Total Armor			$90	2.4
	Old Armor			$100	2
	Net			-$10	0.4
	Old Kit			$170	12
	New Kit			$160	12.4
Armored Martial Artist	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Segmented Plate	5F	$630	16.8
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Segmented Plate	4	$90	2.4
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Total Armor			$1,108	50.4
	Old Armor			$1,190	41
	Net			-$82	9.4
	Old Kit			$1,190	43
	New Kit			$1,108	52.4
Bounty Hunter	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$353	29.4
	Old Armor			$390	24
	Net			-$37	5.4
	Old Kit			$1,260	47
	New Kit			$1,223	52.4
Ranger	Body	Light Leather	1	$53	1.5
	Total Armor			$53	1.5
	Old Armor			$50	4
	Net			$3	-2.5
	Old Kit			$895	27
	New Kit			$898	24.5
Sharpshooter	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$440	35.4
	Old Armor			$440	30
	Net			$0	5.4
	Old Kit			$1,680	47
	New Kit			$1,680	52.4
Bladed Ruffian	Body	Light Leather	1	$53	6.3
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$37	4.5
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$137	16.5
	Old Armor			$170	10
	Net			-$33	6.5
	Old Kit			$188	12.3
	New Kit			$155	18.8
Gentleman Adventurer	Head	Light Scale	3/2	$125	3
	Body	Light Scale	3/2	$336	16.8
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Feet	Ornate (+2) Heavy Leather	2	$208	4.2
	Total Armor			$861	39.6
	Old Armor			$880	33
	Net			-$19	6.6
	Old Kit			$1,294	35.3
	New Kit			$1,275	41.9
Basic Thief	Head	Light Leather	1	$13	1.5
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$37	4.5
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$255	24.3
	Old Armor			$250	18
	Net			$5	6.3
	Old Kit			$885	27.6
	New Kit			$890	33.9
Burglar	Head	Light Scale	3/2	$80	4
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Heavy Leather	2	$75	6
	Hands	Heavy Leather	2	$5	0.6
	Legs	Heavy Leather	2	$112	9
	Feet	Heavy Leather	2	$52	4.2
	Total Armor			$482	36.4
	Old Armor			$600	16
	Net			-$118	20.4
	Old Kit			$1,665	29.5
	New Kit			$1,547	49.9
Assassin	Head	Light Leather	1	$13	1.5
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$37	4.5
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$255	24.3
	Old Armor			$250	18
	Net			$5	6.3
	Old Kit			$1,246	41.12
	New Kit			$1,251	47.42
Fighting Wizard	Head	Heavy Leather	2	$38	3
	Body	Heavy Leather	2	$158	12.6
	Arms	Light Leather	1	$25	3
	Hands	Light Leather	1	$5	0.6
	Legs	Light Leather	1	$37	4.5
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$280	25.8
	Old Armor			$302	18
	Net			-$22	7.8
	Old Kit			$862	24
	New Kit			$840	31.8
Scholarly Wizard	Head	Light Leather	1	$13	1.5
	Feet	Light Leather	1	$17	2.1
	Total Armor			$30	3.6
	Old Armor			$30	6
	Net			$0	-2.4
	Old Kit			$880	15
	New Kit			$880	12.6