Castle Whiterock 2 August 2021: Names are a problem

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior

Murderhoboing

I poke Logan. "C'mon, wake Garreth! Lick 'im!" Logan licks, but he cannot wake Garreth, with Garreth's Epic Willpower and Mental Strength. Ohm. I turn to Polly, as we need to get going. "So, Polly, Bleu … wait, Thrognar?" Sure enough, there's Thrognar. "When did you get here?"

Thrognar says, "Just now. Priest Gilles is rather longwinded."

I chuckle, "Sorry for all the sins we did, but that's just how I roll at night."

Thrognar says, "Your soul is the only one damaged by your sins. No need to apologize. To me."

Polly asks, "Doesn't killing evil things expiate sins? Like if you eat an extra cookie you can kill an extra orc and it balances out."

I shrug. "I really don't care."

Thrognar says, "Only if done so truly for penance, not for profit."

Polly says, "Oh … so you gotta kill the orc, but donate the proceeds to feed the innocent puppies and kittens?"

Stonemaul chimes in, "Depends on which god you're talking about, really."

Wait, Stonemaul? "Wow … Polly, did I do some shrooms before this?"

Polly says, "When do you not do shrooms?"

Stonemaul says, "I was just up at the temple doing a bit of communing with my god, which mostly means coating the meditation chamber with itching powder and a few strategically placed crickets before the other worshipers get in. Early-bird and all that."

I ask the glowing ball, "F'ffith—however you say your name, can you restore Garreth's strength?"

F'thirya, "F-fear-eee-ah. Like Etheria"

I say, "Yeah, that. Anyways, his strength. Royal Ugly Dude sapped him good."

F'thirya says, "Oh very well, verily shall I turn my Celestial powers unto his restoration, that he might further the cause of Chaos and Good, but thou shalt really encourage him to get into more wild parties." And then she heals Garreth.

I say, "Well, yeah, I'm always there for wild parties. I live for those." 

Stonemaul says, "I think we call you Erica now, eh?

I lift my chain shirt and looks down my pants. "No, I'm still Ibizaber."

Stonemaul shakes his head. "Not you, but F'thirya."

F'thirya says, "What pray tell is wrong with F'thirya?"

Stonemaul says, "It's more than two syllables, and makes you trip over your lips when saying it."

F'thirya waits a moment before saying, "Erica is three syllables."

Thrognar says, "But it doesn't force together those syllables with Sovereign Glue."

Stonemaul nods sagely at F'thirya. "Erin it is, then."

I roll my eyes. "Really, who gives a damn about syllable count? Now, let's go check out Royal Ugly Dude's lair."

F'thirya says, "I suppose we can compromise on Erica, now then, since you have vanquished the Fell Balfosa. Should you win free of this dread place, then upon your summon I shall but once fly to thy aid, though should you topple the obelisks lain around Castle Whiterock to ruin the curse laid upon this trap."

We check out the demonic curtain. It is a horrid thing that seems stitched of the groaning, agonized faces of Demon and Celestial alike. There's a vrock, a hezrou, and a lantern archon, among others, molding in and out. It looks like demon and angel hides stitched together that are constantly groaning, pleading, and writhing in misery. Ungrateful curtain. "Oh, what's YOUR problem?" I beckon everyone with my hand.

I tell the others, "I don't like it. It's a curtain that makes the room look smaller. Bad feng shui." I yell at Bleu to bring up the rear, but she's taking a nap as Garreth meditates. I look at Polly. "Can you believe the nerve of that wizard?"

Thrognar says, "We should destroy this, release this souls."

I add, "And see what's behind it."

Polly asks, "Ooh, attack?"

Stonemaul says, "Might it be possible to do something more, I dunno, clerical to it? Throg, that's not exactly my expertise. Do you have any ideas?"

I yawn. "If Blah were awake, she'd bore it to death."

Thrognar says, "Burning it seem like a sure thing, if a bit cruel."

I point out, "Since when were we gentle?"

Stonemaul says "Seems it can be exorcised."

We can hear the curtain screaming: "Die die die!" "Save us! Save us!" "101010001010101!" "Lobster sticks to Magnet!" "Why why whhhhyyyy?"

I shrug. "Dunno, sounds like it might have something fun to say." After this falls on deaf ears, I ask, "Fine, de we have a torch?"

Stonemaul says, "The last time I did an exorcism, hmmm … oh, I remember. Yeah, you probably don't want me to do it."

Thrognar starts exorcising the curtain. He tells us that the whole deal will take three hours so please don't bother him or cast spells in his sight.

Garreth shakes off his trance and wanders up to the group, dragging Bleu with him. He also asks about plain old fire, while I tell Bleu, "Blah, bore it to death." He sits down, and he and Logan both drink from my whiskeyskin.

Polly says, "So boring … shouldn't church be over and we get doughnuts?"

I chuckle. "Dominus omnibus, succubum futuissem si remaneret."

After a few hours, an ox-sized, gray moth swoops out of the darkness on red-hued wings, leaving behind a trail of slow-falling, powdery residue. Its body is banded in red and black spirals. I point. "Hey, Polly, butterflies!"

Polly says, "Ooh, pretty butterflies!" and does not shoot. I roll my eyes. "Fuck nature." I pull out my knife, and Logan steps and growls at them. Stonemaul starts his short meditation. 

Garreth pulls out two sais and throws them at a moth. With a beautiful sparkly display the moths all dodge the sais. "They're hellmoths, clearly."

Polly asks, "Not friendly butterflies? You sure?"

I tell her, "They're not nature, so get out the bow. Nothing that big this far down is nature."

Garreth starts meditating. Stonemaul moves. Five hellmoths try to hug him with their wings, but Stonemaul steps away or parries all of them.

Polly unloads on the hellmoths, hoping to drop some before they can engage. She shoots one in the eyes, but misses the other shots. Logan steps and starts clawing at the nearest butterfly of doom, and rips it down. I step and wait for a butterfly to get to me. Garreth and Stonemaul both chop at hellmoths, killing many in a second of flurry, and the others start to fly away, now knowing that we're bad for them. Since they're demonic, we don't let them get away, and instead chop them up. I check them for poison, and find they have none, but they can blow up if we use them right. Bleu scoffs at them. "I don't recall reading about these things they must not be real."

The moth oozes on the ground after Logan ripped it to shreds. Logan keeps ripping it up, as he seems to like the taste, then brings it to Garreth between his jaws, awaiting a treat.

And time passes, then the groaning curtain seems to be resisting Thrognar's exorcism, but then, as he redoubles his efforts and call upon Justicia and Danathar, the curtain flails, writhes, howls, flops, then nothing. Thrognar now burns the curtain.

To the southeast, I remember seeing sparkly stuff there earlier. I look in the rubble, and find some coins, but they're silver-painted copper.  I look a little more, and also find some garnets and some obsidians, and some badly carved rubies that look kinda like Balfosa, but its all scattered about the rubble. I shake my fist at the heavens and after seeing the paltry treasure. "Who would do such a dastardly deed? And why?"

Thrognar nods. "The demon's depravity know no bounds."

As I shake my fist, I feel a breeze, and think that something is buried below all this rubble and junk. The thought overrides me, and I dig.

Stonemaul yells, "What are you doing?"

I call back. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Garreth digs some free range jerky out of a belt pouch and chows down while I dig. At last, I break through. I find thin and twisty passages, and then, at the end, treasure that isn't silver-painted copper. "Garreth! We're rich! Er!" As well as coins, I find a magical dwarven shield, with sigils that say, "This shield is a gift of our forefathers and their forefathers before them, no dwarf shall fall that bears it." I also find a wooden staff that Bleu says is magic. I tell her she can use it so long as she doesn't talk about it. I also find another staff that is carved in the likeness of a great black snake.

We go beyond the horrid curtain is a short hallway that leads to a stone daïs, in the middle of which is what looks like a well. Inside, crimson runes cast a gruesome light, but we can see thirty feet down into another room beneath this one. The air above the well is amazingly hot. Stonemaul puts on his salamander amulet, and holds his arm over the well to see if it works.

F'thirya turns to Thrognar and gives him a scroll. "What's this?" he asks.

F'thirya says, "You may use this once, and once only, to call me to your side, though remember to knock out those obelisks first."

Thrognar raises his eyebrow. "Obelisks?"

I tell him, "She was blinking about those a few hours ago. Dunno what she means."

F'thirya says, "Now then, to long hath I tarried in this vile demense, e'er is time that I do press my valor against the foes of good and chaos. I have heard of one most foul, one who doth feel his station puts him above others, that he mightiest oppress the people and molest the camels. Have you  heard of Lord Flitwick?" She does not seem to find "Lord" a compliment.

Garreth and I look at each other. Garreth says, "Flitwick, yeah we ran into him once or twice," keeping a straight face.

I whistle idly, trying to look innocent. "Flitwick, eh …." I lean over to Garreth and whisper, "Man, Seep isn't gonna believe this."

F'thirya says, "His fell and odious deeds shall earn him rewards most just."

I say, "I mean, Wickprick's daughter is kinda hot …."

Stonemaul tells me, "All the more reason to dispose him. That's how fiefdoms work and all that. Of course no guarantees she does not pour poison in your ear some point after."

I chuckle. "Oh, we already took his house. Seépravir lives there now."

F'thirya asks, "His daughter also spreads the tyranny of blood? What about with camels?"

I tell her, "I dunno about her and a camel. She's kinda spoiled and all, but she's a half-elf."

F'thirya says, "Nothing wrong with half elves, lo, for the mixing of the races strives with Chaos against the tyranny of the preordained."

I grin. "Plus elf maids are hot."

Garreth nods. "He's pretty scummy." He looks straight at F'thirya. "So, do you have a way out?"

F'thirya says, "We just found one yes?"

Garreth asks, "The pit?"

Stonemaul says, "This goes out? Seems more like it heads further in, deeper."

F'thirya says, "Well, I can, I am not terribly prone to bursting into flames as a medium sized orb of Celestial Light. I do suppose it would be more problematic for those of you who need to breathe."

Stonemaul says, "Well, pit of flames aside, are you just trading one floor of the prison for another?"

Ibizaber chuckle, "She's freeing the camels."

F'thirya says, "Dost thou not think that through that gate we are free of the demonhold?" F'thirya looks very sad as a medium size orb of celestial light can look sad.

Stonemaul shrugs "I mean, I'm no wizard, not even a good cleric; practical joke from my god and all that."

Garreth asks, "You guys see any reason we shouldn't help the elf escape?"

Stonemaul says, "But end of day I'm here to break this summon trap before it causes heavy and hell to crash into this plane."

We go back to town. Garreth, Logan, and I are ready to drink and party with F'thirya, an avatar of good and chaos. After a week of this, Cillamar will be thankful that it normally only has to deal with a man, a half-orc, and a wolverine.