Monday, July 12, 2021

Game log 27 June 2021: Don't split the party!

Dramatis personae

Angelista, slayer
Poklov, Town Watchdwarf
Felcanis, cleric
Honsou, bowman watched by the Town Watchdwarf

Quid occurrit

Honsou searches the wardrobe and finds nothing. Felcanis sees the bedposts are intact and the frame is mostly intact, but otherwise it doesn't look too comfy.

They leave and back down the hallway. After walking past the room with the secret door, they find a door on the left side of the hall. Honsou unlocks it, and they find themselves a room with three green copper slabs about knee-high on the other side. They check them out, and see holes cut in the middle, about 18 inches across. Honsou looks down the hole of one of them, and there's a faint smell of … ewwww.

"Latrines," says Angelista.

Since there is nothing in the room but ancient shit, they go back down the hallway. After some twists and turns, the hallway stops, and they see trapdoor above.

Angelista asks Poklov, "Are you sure you want to get up there?"

Poklov shrugs. "It looks like a nice hidey-hole. There's gotta be something fun there."

Angelista shrugs. "I do not recommend messing with that but if you say so"

After some chatter, Honsou stands on Poklov's shoulders, and tries pushing the trapdoor above. He cannot shove it as there seems to be something atop it. Angelista tries, and finds she can push it open; a few barrels fall off it as she pushes. She lifts herself up after Felcanis casts Continual Light on her helmet.

The storeroom is about 60 feet square, with a way out on to their left. Loads of barrels are near where Angelista is. She lowers it for Felcanis, but she falls and cripples her left leg. Poklov starts bandaging her, but Honsou climbs up.

Angelista and Honsou wait as Poklov bandages Felcanis, trying to find out how they will get Bill up through the hole. After a few minutes, Honsou hears some skittering to the northeast. They get up, and see what looks like two big centipedes at the edge of the light. Honsou readies his bow and arrow, and Angelista misses when she throws her javelin at a centipede. The centipedes move towards them, and Honsou shoots one. His arrow hits, but the centipede's chitin looks like it stops a lot of the blow.

Angelista pulls out her sword, and swings when the centipede Honsou didn't shoot gets next to her. However, she doesn't get a hard blow, so the centipede's chitin stops it. The centipedes make hasty bites at them, but miss. Angelista yells for Honsou to get back down, but he has trouble grabbing the rope. Angelista's swing misses a centipede, and she steps back from their blows. Honsou still has trouble trying to get his footing to go down. Angelista again swings at a centipede, and this time hurts it. However, she doesn't block its bite, and some of its poison gets into her blood. She does parry the other's bite, however.

Honsou slips and falls into the hole, and cripples his right leg as he lands. Angelista backs towards the hole, but can't get her grip right. One centipede's bite can't get through Angelista's armor, but the other does, and puts more poison into her. Although numb from the poison, she gets her grip on the rope, and gets down it.

The centipedes start scurrying down the sides of the hole. Angelista grabs her sword again and hits a centipede on the wall. Poklov can't get his axe out fast enough to smack the other one. That centipede likewise misses Poklov as it gets to the ground. Honsou crawls out of the way as Angelista takes out a centipede. Poklov lands a blow on the other centipede, which then tries to get away. It can't do so in time to get away from Angelista's sword, killing it.

Felcanis casts Stop Bleeding on Honsou and Angelista. Then she casts Neutralize Poison on Angelista and Minor Healing and Major Healing on Honsou, letting him walk again. After Poklov gets done tending to her leg, Felcanis swigs a Minor Healing potion, fails to get her Major Healing spell to heal her, gets her Minor Healing spell to heal herself, falis on Stop Bleeding, then succeeds on her second Minor Healing spell.

Angelista pulls herself up after some trying, then pulls up Felcanis. Honsou follows, and Poklov puts the rope around Bill to let Angelista lift him. She tries, but pulls a muscle in her shoulder. Felcanis casts Stop Bleeding on Angelista, and she tries again, this time getting Bill up. Felcanis casts Major Healing on Angelista, and Poklov follows up, bringing up the gear they took off Bill.

This storeroom is filled with bugs, but one small chest is still there. A hidden drawer has 60 copper farthings and 10 silver pennies. One of the barrels has 20 animal horns. They take the money, leave the horns.

They take the only way out, a hallway on the end of the left wall, and find themselves back in the big chamber with the stairs up to the first level. They turn right, and find a big throne at the wall. Honsou thinks that if he pulls the throne forward, it will do something to the wall. He does so, and it opens to a hallway going left and right. They follow it right and after some twists and turns, the hallway stops, and they see an open hole above and two dead big centipedes at their feet.

This springs the line of the Erstokkian sage Yogībêra: "Déjà vu all over again."

They turn back to the big room, and leave through a hallway on the other side of the stairs up. After a couple of turns, they reach a big room about 20 ft. by 30 ft., with a latrine on the right side and a hallway out on the other side. More importantly, they see a gaggle of 3 ft.-tall humanoids with tiny heads, misshapen features, bugged-out eyes, and swollen bellies. They sharpen their teeth to points, and look hungry.

Angelista thinks that if the heroes don't attack these humanoids they won't hurt them, so goes towards to the latrine to check it out. As she does so, most of the horde pygmies run down the other hall, though seven move between her and the other murderhoboes.

Once Angelista is near the latrine, the horde pygmies blow darts at her. Four of the horde pygmies miss Angelista with their blowdarts, two hit but do not get through her armor, and one gets stuck into her shield. Honsou tries to shoot one with its back turned towards him, but misses. Poklov kills one with its back turned, but the other caught sight of him through the corner of its eye and got away from his axe. Angelista launches her javelin at the closest target, killing it.

The other horde pygmies run towards their fellows.

Res aliae

I was a little too permissive with Climbing in combat. Angelista got active defenses when she would have logically made her sword and shield unready, though she failed both anyways. Time might have been an issue I shouldn't have overlooked: the Basic Set gives the climbing rate of rope down at two feet a second (p. B349), and this was a ten-foot drop. However, this was only a ten-foot drop, so a Climbing roll is a little more like a controlled Jumping roll.

The fight with the centipedes was a challenge only because they split the party. To be fair, Felcanis being a lousy climber didn't help matters, but Poklov chose to bandage her below with the other two up top. I asked if they were sure they wanted to do this a couple of times and yes, they were sure.

State of the healing spells. Below is how many of each healing spell Felcanis has cast on each PC during this day. I keep having to scroll back and find this, so I'm putting this out on the blog:

Major Healing: Angelista, Felcanis, Honsou 2, Poklov
Minor Healing: Angelista, Felcanis 2, Poklov

We didn't game yesterday since Brandon (Poklov) was going to be gone and John (Felcanis) was going to be mostly gone. It might happen this coming Sunday (the 18th).

Sunday, July 4, 2021

Whiterock game log 21 June 2021: Ibizaber flashes back

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Mikal, human holy warrior
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

Bleu casts Dark Vision on me, and then fires up Continual Light for the rest of the group. After a short rest that's too long for Polly, we head northeast. There, the cavern bends around a corner and comes to an end. Twenty feet above us is an opening to a higher tunnel. Three odd shapes are up there, like figures tied to large stakes or iron rods driven into the ground. We can make out tattered, feathered wings spread wide like butterflies in a collector’s case. Beneath and to the side of the promontory is a downward-sloping tunnel.

Thrognar flies up and gets a nearer look at the shapes. At the top of the incline, the tunnel levels off into a headland that overlooks the large cavern we just left. There are five tattered bodies bound or stabbed on iron stakes at the fore of the headland. Suddenly, one of them jolts awkwardly forward!

Thrognar says that they're angel effigies, made out of twisted celestial bodies. "They're mindless constructs! Don't hold back thinking you can save these poor creatures."

Polly goes to shoot over Logan at one angel effigy from behind, but her three arrows do little to it. Thrognar meditates, while the effigies take flight.

I get a good look at them, and I get a mushroom flashback. "Holy cow, those are three Ted Cruzes!"

One flying Ted Cruz turns into Ice Cube and sends a flaming pentagram under Mikal, Garreth, and Bleu. Mikal gets out of the way of most of the flame, but it still burns him greatly. Garreth pushes Bleu out of the way, and takes a nasty burn and rot, leading to a bunch of swearing and a bad smell as smoke comes from his eyes. One of the Ted Cruzes turns into Emmanuel Steward and tries to hit Thrognar twice, but he parries both blows. Another Ted Cruz turns into Mark McGwire and shoots a bolt of lightning at Thrognar and Polly. Polly gets out of the way, but Thrognar takes a jolt, turning him into a flaming Ronda Rousey. Mark McGwire flies past Ronda Rousey and tries to slam into Polly, but she gets out of the way. Polly's skin starts turning puce.

And they start changing again. I yell out to see if the others can help. "Garreth stop that smoke from coming out of your eyes and look because Ice Cube is turning into Emily Dickinson and Emanuel Steward is turning into Mike Tyson from the cartoon and Mark McGwire is turning into Gillian Anderson! And Thrognar looks like Ronda Rousey but only on fire!"

Garreth looks at me with smoke coming out of his eyes. Not figuratively, but smoke really coming out of his eyes. "Common, little drunkard. Do you speak it?"

Logan runs into the back of Gillian Anderson as the last of the Cardinals uniform of Mark McGwire falls off, but steps away with a hurt nose. "No, Logan, get away, Gillian Anderson is turning into the Hedgehog!" I swear I see Logan shake his head at me. Mikal casts a Holy Sunbolt, drawing on the might of his goddess to smite these abominations with a coruscating blast as he steps toward the opening. Garreth swears, likely feeling the pain of the smoke, steps from the pentagram, and quickly pulls out and drinks a potion. Some of the smoke and rot go away. Bleu steps away from the circle and casts Great Haste on herself.

Polly flies up to shoot Emily Dickinson in the side with cutting arrows. Throgna Rousey also starts hitting cartoon Mike Tyson. Tyson wards off the first blow with a shroud of unholy darkness, but it is now bare to Thrognar's blow and he starts to struggle. Logan grows a blonde bob on his head. I cry out, "No, Logan, don't turn into Kate Gosselin! You can't speak to the manager of the dungeon!" Dickinson swings and misses at Polly, but follows up with a lightning zap of Polly, stunning her. Mike Tyson tries to slug Thrognar but Thrognar parries, then zaps Polly and him with lightning. Gillian Anderson lands, and Logan gets out of her way. She gazes at Bleu and Garreth, then sends a firey pentagram under them. Bleu steps out of the fire but drops from the fire and rot; Garreth takes the pain. Mikal throws his maximized holy Sunbolt at Emily Dickinson, zapping her.

Logan steps and swipes twice with his claws at the side flank of Gillian Anderson, who is skeptical that any hurt got through. Garreth decides to focus on speed, and Polly snaps back from stunning. Thrognar swings twice at cartoon Mike Tyson, and splits him in half with the second blow. Emily Dickinson slugs Polly, then blasts a stroke of lightning towards Mikal, who blocks the blow with his shield. Gillian Anderson sprouts wings and tries to grab Garreth, who parries, then she misses him and Mikal with a stroke of lightning.

Gillian Anderson keeps ignoring Logan Gosselin clawing at her, and Mikal moves around the pentagram.  Garreth starts chopping at Gillian Anderson, who takes a few blows but somehow stays up. Polly peppers  Emily Dickinson with arrows, the last giving her a spiderweb of cracks, making her fall.  Thrognar steps and swings at Gillian Anderson, hurting her more but not dropping her. She steps and kicks at Logan Gosselin as she flies away, then shoots lightning at Thrognar and Polly. Thrognar takes the hurting, but Polly falls over.

As I see Polly fall, things start to look sharp again. Gillian Anderson (and the bodies of Emily Dickinson and cartoon Mike Tyson) turns back into an angel effigy, Ronda Rousey turns back into Thrognar, Polly goes back to her normal hue, and the blonde bob on Logan falls to the ground. Mikal and Logan rush towards the angel effigy that was Gillian Anderson only a tick before, and Logan's claw misses it. Garreth puts two blows into the angel effigy's back, taking it down.

Garreth swoops over to check on Bleu, while I rush over to Polly. "If you die, Polly, I swear I'll stop the shrooms!" Garreth pours some of the grog in the wineskin of healing into Bleu's mouth, and she stands after a few glugs. Logan keeps licking Polly's face until Garreth pours some of the healing grog down her throat.

Thrognar shuts his eyes, and makes himself heroic until Garreth gets the bag to him for healing. He wipes the potion off his chin after guzzling most of the bag, then stands up a little woozy from so much potion. "Thank you.

I look through the bodies of the angels, and find they have celestial cloth. Bleu babbles that we can make the cloth into armor, and Thrognar lays the bodies of the angels to rest in the holy area. From there, we go back to town.

The rest

The unreliable narrator failed a Fright Check and was useless for the battle, so I chose to call it a mushroom flashback. I was rolling random celebrities for this, though I chose both Ted Cruz and Mark McGwire for reasons I cannot understand.

Saturday, June 26, 2021

Game log 20 June 2021: Charlie Brown is a Blockhead

Dramatis personae

Angelista, slayer
Poklov, Town Watchdwarf
Felcanis, cleric
Honsou, bowman watched by the Town Watchdwarf

Quid occurrit

After twenty minutes of rest and some Lend Energy on Poklov, the heroes start off. Moving back into the workshop, they see some scurrying in the darkness: four centipedes as big as men. Honsou aims at a centipede in the back, Felcanis holds her ground, and Poklov moves towards the centipedes. Angelista chucks a javelin at a centipede, but misses.

One centipede steps forward and tries to bite Poklov, but he swats it away with his axe. Another makes a mad run towards Honsou, who steps out of the way. A third rushes forward and bites Felcanis, who takes a bite. She feels a bit numb as its poison runs through her body. The last one tries to rush forward and bite Angelista, but misses. Honsou gets off a shot at the centipede at which had been aiming, but his arrow glances off its chitinous plate. Poklov chops twice at the one that rushed towards Angelista, hitting once. Angelista pulls out her sword and hits the same one as Poklov.

A centipede lurches at Honsou to bite him, but he steps back. Likewise, another tries to bite Poklov, but his bite catches the edge of his shield. Felcanis dodges a bite from a third centipede, while Angelista blocks a fourth's. Honsou puts his bow into his offhand, pulls out his knife, and steps behind Felcanis. Poklov twice smacks a centipede with his axe, and it slips and falls. Angelista hits the same centipede from behind, taking it out. Felcanis steps and casts Armor 2 on Angelista.

Honsou steps away from a centipede bite, while another one tries to bite Angelista but she likewise dodges. She sees that the dust around the centipede shirks away from it, which she thinks means it is demonic. Felcanis steps away from a biting centipede, while another centipede ducks away from Honsou's swing of his long knife. Poklov steps behind the demonic centipede and tries to hit it in the head, but instead nicks its shoulder. Angelista doesn't even get a nick to its shoulder when she thrusts with her sword.

The centipede near Honsou misses him with its bite, while Angelista steps away from the bite of the demonic centipede. Felcanis also ducks the bite of the last centipede. Honsou taps the centipede that tried to bite Felcanis. It doesn't get through its plate, but it slips and falls. Poklov hits the demonic centipede twice, while Angelista nicks it, but it slips and falls trying to get out of her way.

Honsou cannot get out of the way of the centipede trying to bite him, but its bite doesn't get through his armor. The demonic centipede tries to bite Angelista while on its belly, but cannot reach her. The last centipede tries to bite Felcanis, but misses. Honsou gives the centipede by him a small gash, while Poklov smacks the demonic centipede in the head then steps away. The centipede slumps, dead, and not only does Angelista think the demonic spirit is gone, but its clear to everyone that its brain fluid is seeping out. Angelista rushes to help Honsou, but misses when she reaches the centipede.

Felcanis and Honsou both get away from centipede bites. Honsou tries smacking one on the head, but can't get through the plate. Poklov hustles to get to the two living centipedes, while Angelista nicks a centipede in the back of the head. Felcanis smacks the body of the centipede nearest her. It tries to bite her back, but misses. However, the centipede fighting Honsou gets through his armor, and its poison numbs him. Honsou's knife can't get through its chitin as he tries to fight back.

Poklov at last gets to a centipede, and he swings his axe twice at its body, not hurting it much. Angelista brings her sword down on the standing centipede's skull, and it falls from her blow, though somehow still looks up at her. Felcanis again bangs on the centipede's chitin, while the two centipedes bite at Honsou and her for nothing. Honsou nicks the centipede with his knife, which is more than Poklov gets with his axe.

Angelista once again puts all her might on a blow to the centipede's skull, splitting it fully open, and getting loads of dire monstrous centipede brain on her sword. Felcanis gives the last centipede a smack, then gets out of the way when it tries to bite her back. Honsou can't get his knife through the centipede, but Poklov knocks it out with an axe blow to the skull.

Though Felcanis doesn't know much about the poison and nobody can help her, she does clean herself and Honsou of it after casting Neutralize Poison thrice. They rest for most of an hour, and once again start to get out. Honsou gets the door on the other side of the room open after seeing it is safe to do so, and they see that they are down the hallway from where they had been before going into the room with the cages.

Since to the right is down the hall whence they came, they go left, and almost right away there is a heavy ironbound door. Honsou checks out the door for traps and noise, but cannot unlock it; it's too tricky. Thus, Poklov chops open the lock, drawing no heed from anyone else in the dungeon. He sharpens his axe, then go into the room.

In the middle of the room is a big, rotten table, and beyond it is a brass spittoon. They see no doors anywhere in the room. They start looking around. Honsou spots a split in the far wall beyond the table and spittoon, and sees that the corners of the left half of this wall are less dusty than the right. Angelista, looking for a way to open the wall, spits in the spittoon, and the spittoon now has spit in it. The spittoon is fulfilled in an inanimate way that someone has used it for its intended function and not spat nasty, unhealthy tobacco into it, but nothing happens with the walls. At long last, Honsou thinks to press the corners of the left half of the wall, so he and Poklov do so at the same time. The wall opens.

Beyond the wall is a hallway, going left and straight ahead. They can see that straight ahead the hallway forks, and to the left it turns. It goes down, but it's not a stairs, just a downgrade. They backtrack and go right, past a stairway going down, into a room. In the middle of the room is a potter's wheel, crusted over with clay. After being unable to see what the old potter's wheel does, they go back to the secret door and go right.

The hallway takes a left turn, which they take. They walk down the hallway, and find some kind of oily flow is dripping from the middle of the ceiling in this area of the hallway. There is a shallow trough worn down the middle of the hallway, and the flow trickles along it for about fifteen feet before ending in a crack in the floor. Angelista checks it out, and the fluid is not something she's seen before. It has a grainy quality, not a smooth fluid. It doesn't seem natural.

At the end of this long hallway is a door. Honsou checks out the door and easily opens its cheap lock. He opens the door into what looks like an old sitting room, from the rotten carpet. The next room beyond still has a four-poster bed. At the edge of the room beyond the bed is a wardrobe.

Felcanis fiddles with the wardrobe. She finds nothing special about it other than that it's closed, so she opens it. She hears a din above, and steps out of the way of the big wooden block that falls. Angelista pulls Felcanis aside, and Honsou checks out the wardrobe, finding it otherwise untrapped and empty.

Angelista scratches her head. "Why would anyone trap an empty wardrobe?"

Monday, June 21, 2021

Game log for 6 June 2021: Like a shot out of hell

Dramatis personae

Angelista, slayer
Poklov, Town Watchdwarf
Felcanis, cleric
Honsou, bowman watched by the Town Watchdwarf

Quid occurrit

They rest up, Felcanis casting Lend Energy on Angelista to help her rest better. After a few minutes, Poklov hears some footsteps to the south. Honsou and Angelista get down behind a pews, while Poklov gets near the way in. A few seconds later four hellshots rush into the room.

Honsou aims at a hellshot, and the hellshots rush into the room. The hellshot at whom Honsou is aiming slams into Poklov and jars his shield out of his hand, though it is still strapped to his arm, but doesn't knock him over. Angelista lobs her spear at the hellshots but misses, and whips out her sword. Poklov gets his hand back on his grip, and Felcanis casts Armor 2 on Angelista. Honsou switches to aiming at a nearer hellshot.

Two hellshots attack Poklov, but he blocks and parries their blows. Two more go after Felcanis and Angelista, but they parry and block their blows, respectively. Poklov cuts off the leg of a hellshot, and Felcanis steps back and stands ready to fend off blows. Honsou runs around the hellshots and shoots one, but it doesn't get through its skin.

The little guy on the ground tries to stab Poklov on the leg, but he blocks it, and the one still standing tries to stab him, but Poklov parries it. Angelista cannot block a spear stab from the hellshot on her, so a poke gets through, and the one who tries to hit Felcanis breaks its spear. Angelista rushes to get behind the hellshot on Felcanis, but she misses its neck. Poklov whacks the standing hellshot.

Honsou again shoots a hellshot, but cannot get through its skin. One hellshot cannot get its spear through Poklov's armor, while the one on the ground cannot even hit his leg. The hellshot whose spear broke tries to grab Angelista but misses, and the other one tries to slam her but she steps back. Poklov gets out of the way. Angelista misses her own sword swing, but Felcanis bashes it on the head. Angelista raises an eyebrow and smiles when she sees the cleric whack something from behind for the first time since she's met her.

However, the hellshot just gets madder. Honsou shoots one with a bodkin arrow in its innards. One on the ground tries to hit Poklov in the leg but misses, and one by Felcanis misses her. One hits Angelista. It doesn't get through her armor, but she loses her grip on her shield and drops her sword. Felcanis misses as she tries to hit back. Poklov keeps hustling to the others.

Honsou reloads his bow, and steps away from a hellshot trying to stick its spear into him. Another hits Felcanis; she wobbles, but doesn't fall down. Angelista grabs her sword, and Poklov cuts down a hellshot. Honsou gets off a shot, and takes down a hellshot, and Angelista cuts down a hellshot as well. Angelista does a blow to the back of head of the last hellshot, taking it down.

Poklov binds Felcanis's wounds, and she drinks a potion of Major Healing. After a few more minutes and a Lend Energy on Poklov, six more hellshots show up from the south.

Honsou aims, and Poklov swings and misses at a hellshot as they go into the room. Angelista tells Felcanis to step back and lobs her spear at a hellshot, but she misses. She pulls out her sword right afterwards, and Felcanis casts Armor 2 on her. Honsou hits the lead hellshot with an arrow, but it splinters on its skin. The hellshot turns around and tries to hit with its spear Poklov but he blocks; the next one tries to do the same but Poklov parries. A third tries slam into Poklov but he steps back, and another tries to slam into Angelista but she blocks.

Poklov takes down a hellshot by hitting it in the leg, and Angelista smacks another with her sword. It stays up, but gets mad. Honsou shoots one, and it likewise gets mad from the hurt. One of the hellshots on Poklov stabs with its spear, but Poklov blocks it; another hits him on his armor, making him drop his axe and lose the grip on his shield from the shock. One on Angelista tries to hit her but misses, while his friend stands behind her between two pews, waiting for his buddy to drop. Some friend. One grabs his spear, and another tries to hit Poklov, who parries.

Poklov puts his axe on the skull of a hellshot, but it glances off, and Angelista misses as she tries to stab a hellshot with her sword. Felcanis tries to cast Light at the end of a pew, but the spell doesn't go off. Honsou reloads. A hellshot stabs Poklov, but cannot get through his armor; the guy on the ground's stab meets Poklov's axe. The one by Angelista falls from its wounds, while the hellshot behind it steps and stabs at Angelista, who blocks.

The hellshot on the ground gets to its knees, while one by Poklov stabs at him, but he steps away. Poklov smacks a hellshot with his axe on his axe, knocking it down. Angelista stabs a hellshot in the innards, making it mad. Honsou shoots one, hurting it a little. The hellshot to Poklov's left stabs him, but Poklov blocks the blow. Likewise, the one by Angelista tries the same to her, but meets the same end. The kneeling hellshot makes it to its feet, while another passes out.

Poklov smacks a hellshot with his axe and Angelista whacks one on the neck, but they stay standing. Honsou fumbles as he tries to get out his knife. One hellshot misses Angelista, another's spear can't get through Poklov's armor, and a third misses Felcanis with a slam as she steps back.

An angry Angelista screams, "That's my cleric!" as she rushes behind the hellshot to try to hit it. Poklov sticks with the one by him, and scratches it through its skull. Honsou reloads, and the hellshot down between pews kneels. The one between Felcanis and Angelista turns to stab Angelista, but its spear can't get through her armor. Likewise, the hellshot nearest Poklov can't get its spear through his armor.

Poklov gives that hellshot a good whack, while Angelista takes off the arm of the hellshot near her. Felcanis gives it a bop on the head, and Honsou shoots one, but cannot get through its tough skin. The one between the pews gets on its feet, while the one by Poklov can't get its spear through his armor. The one on Angelista tries to slam into her, but it can't do much to her. Angelista takes care of the hellshot's other arm with a comeback swing, but Felcanis can't get her mace through its skull. Honsou gets out an arrow.

One hellshot goes for a seam in Poklov's leg armor, but cannot hit. Another tries to stab Angelista, but she steps back. The armless one tries to slam into Felcanis, but she swats it back with her mace. Poklov hits the nearby hellshot, and Angelista tries to cut off the arm of the other hellshot near her, but misses. Felcanis bops the armless hellshot with her mace, and Honsou gets off a shot at a hellshot, doing a little hurt.

A hellshot by Poklov again tries to stick its spear into the chink in his leg armor, and again misses. The hellshot on Angelista misses, and breaks its spear. The armless hellshot again tries to head-butt Felcanis, but it doesn't begin to hurt her. Poklov takes down the hellshot by him with a last swat of his axe, and Angelista gets another cut on the hellshot by her. Felcanis smashes her mace on the armless hellshot's kneecap, and Honsou gets out an arrow.

The hellshot on Angelista tries to slam her, and again she gets out of the way. The armless hellshot again tries to put its head into Felcanis's belly, which again does nothing. Angelista dances out from the slam as she leaps back in slashing at his neck, giving it a bigger gash. Felcanis again bops the armless hellshot on the head, Honsou gets off a shot that doesn't go through, while Poklov moves towards the fray.

Once again Angelista steps away from the hellshot's slam, while Poklov jumps onto the pew and tries to slash at the hellshot, but misses. Angelista likewise misses with her slash to the neck, but Honsou runs around and shoots it in the back.

From then on, the two hellshots kept fighting, but Angelista and Poklov put them down after a few more seconds.

Res aliae

Hellshot
The hellshots are nothing special. I might as well share them:

Hellshots look like a cross between a norker and an earth elemental. One is about four feet tall, with its
red skin making plates. On their first strike, one slams into its foes, then it fights with its spear.

ST: 6
HP: 9Speed: 6.25
DX: 13
Will: 14Move: 6
IQ: 8
Per: 14Weight: 80 lbs.
HT: 12FP: 12SM: -1
Dodge: 9
Parry: 10DR: 4

Grapple (13): 1d-4 control points. CM 6. Reach C.
Slam (14): 1d crushing. Reach C.
Spear (15): 1d-2 impaling. Reach 1. +1 damage and Reach if used two-handed.

Traits: Berserk (12); Enhanced Move 1 (Ground Speed 12); High Pain Threshold; Immunity to Metabolic Hazards; Indomitable; Infravision; Social Stigma (Infernal).
Skills: Brawling-14, Spear-15.
Class: Demon (Corporeal Demon).
Combat Effectiveness Rating: 37 (18 OR and 19 PR).
Notes: Unwilling to negotiate. Truly evil. It will try to slam with its first move, and make as many All-Out Attacks (Strong, mostly) as it can. Notable equipment includes:
  • Cheap Spear (SM -1), $10, 2.6 lbs.

Castle Whiterock log for 7 June 2021: Blah, blah, blah

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior
Mikal, human holy warrior
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

After Val's touching funeral, we're at the Slumbering Drake: Thrognar, Stonemaul, Polly, Garreth, Bleu, Logan, and I. Thrognar has found epic plate with Fortify 2 and Lighten 25%. He shows it off to us; it fits like a glove and he has polished it to a mirror-like sheen. Polly says, "Oh, hey, Thrognar, cool armor. That's even more like Garreth."

I tell the others about the teachings of the book, how it has given me wisdom. No, guys, this is not telling me to stop drinking. Well, it did, but I skipped those parts.

Anyways, I ask Garreth, "So G, about that time when we were with Seep and she had us dragging that … Garreth? Where the hell did you go?" I lean over to Logan. "Logan, see if you can find Garreth. He seems to have sobered up again."

Logan spots brings me a man who isn't Garreth but who is similar to Garreth in a walking mass of armor kind of way. I ask him, "Oh, hey there, you know Garreth?"

The armored stranger shakes his head. "I don't know a Garreth."

Polly says, "Oh! Garreth is like Thrognar but even bigger and even greener!"

I shrug. "Well, it doesn't matter, since he's not here and we need help smashing skulls to liberate kegs."

The armored stranger asks, "Who are the kegs?"

What a silly question. "I don't care whose they are, I just need to free all of them. I shall be the master of the kegs in Whiterock."

The armored stranger points at a keg. "There is a keg of water over there, perhaps that one would be a good target to start."

I ask, "Can you cast 'water to whiskey'?"

The armored stranger says, "No, But I know how to cast Sot to Sober. The ritual goes something like this: Drink the water, wash with the rest of it, repeat until done."

Thrognar leans over to the armored stranger. "He's much more effective this way, I assure you. Fight like you train after all."

I blink before belching. "Yeah! Those suckers who train should do so as they are!"

Polly pipes up, "He doesn't like hard carrot juice, though."

Ibizaber grins. "For you, Polly, I'll drink it."

We find that the armored stranger is named Mikal. Mikal tells us his tale:

After the funeral, the local priest of Justicia came to Mikal. "Brother Mikal, Justicia has called upon you to carry the glorious fight to the enemy which is in need of smiting."

Mikal said, "Excellent, the smiting will commence when these worthies are prepared to return into the deep."

The priest said, "Brother Maul and Brother Thrognar carry blessings against the enemy, but you must also accompany Ibizaber, for while he is slothful and drunkardly, it is he who has struck the most mortal blows upon evil. You can find him and his companions at the Slumbering Drake." He then cast Bless 2 on Mikal.

I take back everything nice I said about that damn priest.

So, Garreth being elsewhere, we take Mikal with us to Whiterock. We go back in. The tunnel twists before opening into a large hollow. One of the walls has been smoothed and bedecked with a painted mural showing a great church whose spire reaches into the sky, past spinning spheres and falling comets, eventually reaching a realm of golden light and smiling, beatific faces.

A comely female elf dressed in a mix of courtly gowns and metal armor looks at the mural. Her eyes lack irises, her long, wild hair hangs down her back, tumbling over her blue-tinged shoulder. 

Garreth shows up as soon as F'thirya says, "Ah, so you are not all having met your demises I see, we meet again."

Garreth says, "There was the poor wizard who got spider squashed. Did you know about the spider?"

F'thirya says, "Verily didst I warn you of the foul Bebelith, yes."

Hold on, what? I'm a little bothered. "You knew about that? We could have saved Val if you told us."

F'thirya says, "I did tell you about it, do I not speak in the common tongue? Do you not have ears?"

I reach up to make sure I still have his ears. I still do.

Thrognar says, "Mayhap we didn't heed her warnings."

She says, "I said, 'Anon and thusly (pointing generally NW) lieth a grave predator of demon-kind, though it will sup on any’s savor. Watch thy step there, else the great spider cracketh thine bones, but pass through its demesne thee must to approach foul Balfosa.'"

I blush, and Garreth sighs.

F'thirya changes the topic. "This room is a place that brings comfort and rest in this fell realm."

I grin. "So this is like a party room?"

Garreth blinks at me. "You know she's not … never mind. I guess you'll figure it out."

F'thirya, however, says, "Sure bring any good part stuff? Verily it is true to the spirit of Chaotic Good to have righteous parties"

Thrognar says, "Maybe we save the party for after we've sanctified the place? At the very least, we can rest here." Party pooper.

F'thirya agrees, "Maybe you can bring elven cookies as well as the heads of the unholy."

Garreth asks for suggestions. F'thirya says, "May some day you must test thy might against that of the dread Balfosa, though thou mayest wish to strike down the lesser among the unholy before you do strive against that foe. Make thy path to the West from here, and you may strive against a foe dark both with Order and Evil." She and Mikal also warn him about the risk of dealing with wishes from demons. He shrugs, and drinks a whole flask of my whiskey.

I hold it upside down, and a single drop falls out of it. "Damn." I put away the empty flask, put on my ring, and scout at Garreth's behest. I start poking around to the west, and not far away, I see a nine-foot-tall winged horror with great horns and a blackened scaly hide, wielding a giant staff.

The usual for down here.

I step back down the tunnel and take off my ring. Polly asks, "What's up, Zaber? Why we stopping?"

I tell her the truth. "There's a big guy with horns and wings and scales and a big staff." I look at her for a moment. "I'm pretty sure it's not Nature, Polly, so please don't go there." I put back on my ring, Garreth asks Bleu to cast a bunch of Dark Vision spells, and he and Thrognar start meditating.

Thrognar bursts out from his meditation and rushes towards the demon, and hits. Its hide and skull are thick, and an aura wards it, but Thrognar's penetrating silvered blade cleaves in. He nearly scalps it, leaving a hideous wound, though to be fair it was already pretty ugly. Now on the ground, he keeps carving it up.

The demon bursts. Demonic bits and screeching plagues of red devouring swarms spray all over.

From there, we all start chopping away at the swarms. The bugs come near to taking me down, but I get out and let the others do their work. Mikal hits a swarm with Sunbolt, Logan keeps clawing at the bugs, Polly shoots them for reasons I cannot fathom, and the others go after the bugs in a flurry of sword blows. After a few seconds, they are all gone.

Logan and I take some glugs from the wineskin of healing, and the others cast healing spells. After some poking around, I find a staff. We bring it back to the party room, and Ms. Blah starts talking about it. "Oh yes, this is a Striking Staff. It is often used by certain sects of monks as it is a useful tool on pilgrimages but allows the wielder to defend themselves. It multiplies the force of blows so may send those which are struck tumbled hither and yon, as described by Morris Mothwick in 'Among the Inthriki' …."

Logan licks my face after what seems like forever, but I was asleep only a few minutes.

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Updated monster list

I play tomorrow, but I updated my monsters list. Random notes:

Sources: I added a few new ones from "The Demonic Temple of Felltower" in Pyramid #4/1: Fantasy/Magic I and GURPS Dungeon Fantasy Monsters 5: Demons, as well as some from "The Magic Desert" in Pyramid #3/38: Natural Magic. The latter required me to add Classes to them; most were obvious. I also modified the page numbers to handle the new run of Pyramid.

Class: I added the subclasses for Demons from DFM5.

Number Appearing: I have separate entries for number in Lair and number Roaming. Rolls are simplified for these and for treasure, so you never have to roll more than 4d6. This does mean you are taking tenfold a die roll more often, so adding or subtracting a monster from a group won't matter a whit.

Light?: A new column showing monsters would address darkness. Many of these have no entry even though I think the designer intended them to work in darkness, so be warned. For some I listed Magery. I figure that if an elf down in a dungeon didn't learn the Light spell and isn't carrying a torch he's dead anyways. If you're designing a dungeon, it helps to know that ogres do need some torches but orcs don't.

Hit Location: The hit location table from GURPS Basic Set: Campaigns or GURPS Template Toolkit 2: Races. Not only is this to speed looking this up, it's also a shorthand to describe monsters. "Hamarskel" isn't an obvious name for a monster (picking one at random), but it's an Animal that's a SM +4 Quadruped, which gives me a little better way of imagining it before I look it up. (I didn't take Icelandic. Sorry. Yes, I checked and know it's basically a stegosaurus.)

Thursday, May 27, 2021

Game log 11 April, 25 April, 16 May, 23 May 2021: Squick

Dramatis personae

Angelista, slayer
Poklov, Town Watchdwarf
Felcanis, cleric
Honsou, bowman watched by the Town Watchdwarf

Quid occurrit

Poklov does First Aid on Angelista and Felcanis casts Major Healing and Minor Healing on her, healing her fully. From looting the bodies, they get 10 copper farthings, 3 cheap broadswords, and 3 large knives.

While hiking, wasp swarms attack everyone but Honsou. They get them off after some swatting and chasing after Bill, who bolts from the stinging wasps. Felcanis casts Stop Bleeding and Major Healing on Bill.

The group's foraging is good for everyone, and Angelista gets a few small animal furs worth only 5 copper. Angelista sets up camp, and Felcanis casts Watchdog, but nothing happens that night.

The next day, they set forth.  After about an hour and a half of hiking east, you see the trees start to look withered, and fewer animals. There is a copse of bushes that look alive, however. Angelista leads the group away from them, overriding Felcanis's yearning to check them out. Up ahead, things start to thin out a bit more. Farther past, there is a big tent rock in the distance, with what looks like a keep on it. Felcanis points at the big tent rock. "That is Dībités Rock. There's a tower there, and it isn't elven."

As they heroes get nearer, they can see hustle and bustle around the rock and the tower atop it. The tent rock isn't too high, but the tower goes up at least 50 feet above it. A bit past a drawbridge they see a group of men come towards them. There are nine, three are mounted. Poklov steps forward to talk, and a man on a horse with a cleft lip and wearing light mail nods. "Hail, dwarf. Žrêdete (Mannish for "greetings" to more than two folks) to all of you." 

Poklov says, "What has the day been to you?"

The man looks puzzled. "It has, uh, been a day of activity, as always. What has it been to you, Kuzzy?" ("Kuzzy" is a slang word for dwarf, slightly derogatory.)

Poklov isn't bothered. "Uneventful, which is nice for once. We are tracking some leads to find a person of interest, and were looking to see if we can stay in the safety of your walls for the night."

The man's lips curls in what looks like a sneer, but since it's cleft it's hard to tell. "Who's the person?"

Poklov says, "A demonologist or something like that. We've had several stories of strange coming and going a ways from here."

The man stops. "Who told you that, Kuzzy? What stories?"

Poklov nods towards Felcanis. "Oh, our fair priestess heard a few while treating travelers. There have been some tavern stories, too."

He turns his gaze to Felcanis, with a leer. "Oh, did she? What kinda stories you like, lassie?"

Angelista pushes her spear a bit forward, just enough so the man sees. "I would modify my tone when speaking to a priestess of Saundīvós."

The scoffs. "I'll talk to the Albanérēs (elf women) however I like. They're mighty comely."

Angelista says, "Then you obviously have no fear of gods. Poklov, this … person … is rude and uncompromising, and disrespectful to women. Finish our exchange quickly please."

Whether this stops the man or not, he seems to be a bit more respectful. "But I'm on duty. What are these stories, oh Cleric of Saundīvós?"

Poklov cuts in, "I'd hate to have her bore you with stories of common folks and travelers, but if you think you can help us we'll gladly share."

The man laughs. "Sure, I think we can help each other."

Poklov asks, "How about we talk about it over a couple pints?"

The man guffaws. "I'll say this for you, Vérge (Mannish for greeting a dwarf) runt, you kuzzies love to drink. I'm down with that. My commander also would be."

Angelista says, "Is that all you have been taught? Sneering and slinging insults?"

The man doesn't like this. "Hey, I was born with this lip problem, sweetness. I can't help it. I don't think you'd like getting your lip like this!"

Angelista says, "It's not the lips I am offended by. It's is the language coming from them. Your treatment is knave-like in its tone."

This is well above the man's level of understanding. "Eh, all I ever learnt was Mannish. I could be up for a few Elvish lessons, though, if my language isn't good enough."

Angelista says "Then I suggest a little more respect, lest another woman give you lessons of her own." She shrugs. "Unless of course you are into that kind of thing."

This baffles him. "Look, lady, enough of this shit. My commander can talk to you folks."

Poklov cuts in. "Either way, do you and your commander have an establishment we can visit after your duty?" Poklov hands him a few copper for drinks later. 

The man says, "Lemme take you to him." The men lead the heroes towards the drawbridge. Once there, the man tells a guard to fetch "Aidīvós." After a few minutes, a thin, bald man clad in mail with a twisted ear comes out.

Poklov says, "'Ello, good commander."

This bald man says back, "Žrêde, Vérge. What brings you and your friends to our little of neck of the woods?"

Poklov chuckles. "Honestly, with all the rocks, it looks kind of my neck of the woods."

Aidīvós laughs. "You're right, this is a little odd for the woods."

Poklov keeps going. "But, I'm a constable from Mīštássun, and we just tracking down some missing people and trying to find the reason behind it all."

The man looks puzzled. "Missing? Who's missing? Anyone I might know?"

Poklov shakes his head. "Nah, just some local folks, but last we heard some stories of some weird coming and goings and maybe a demonologist further east. We just happened to stumble across your keep, and were looking for some safe lodging, possibly some drinks."

The bald man thinks for a moment. "Demonologist, eh? Sounds like a nasty customer."

Poklov says, "Well it's either true or the story is exaggerated.

The man starts to talk again. "Listen, Vérge of Mīštássun … how the hell did a dwarf get to be on the Mīštássun Town Watch, anyways? It's not common, you know?"

Poklov says, "I'm good at what I do. I'm more like traveling constable."

Aidīvós asks, "And what do you do?"

Poklov says, "I bring justice."

Angelista smiles. "He has proven to be of some value."

The bald man says, "Justice is … good, you know."

Poklov says, "Without law, we are no better than the animals."

Aidīvós smiles. "Yeah, I miss seeing those. We haven't had many animals around here in awhile, you know."

Poklov asks, "Oh really? What you eat then?"

The bald man says, "We have to trade for grain, and we send … hunting parties. Hunting is good once you get away from this rock."

Poklov asks, "Any good fishing near by? A good fisherman and half a day's fishing can feed a small group pretty easy."

Aidīvós puts his hand on Poklov's shoulder. "No, good dwarf, there isn't too much water here, you know. But I think we can make a deal."

Poklov says, "Aye, what do you need? I'll see if we can accommodate."

Aidīvós grins. "Well, we have a problem under the keep. Seems this rock has more below it than someone would think."

Angelista pipes up, "I believe that may be where I come in. Can you describe this problem?"

Aidīvós nods. "Well, good lass, there was something here before this tower. And now, it seems that something is poisoning our woods, you know?" He waves his hand at the twisted, dying plants.
Angelista nods. "I have noticed."

Poklov asks, "Oh, that wasn't just the lay of the land?"

Aidīvós shakes his head. "Nope. And I, uh, can't spare my men to root out anything below there."

Angelista asks, "Are there any other misshapen events or creatures that may also be cause for concern? I have dedicated my life to the slaughter of monsters, demons, and undead."

Poklov agrees, "Aye, and she's pretty good at it. Do not get in a fight with her. She packs a wallop."

Aidīvós and smiles. "I can appreciate that."

Angelista pulls aside Poklov. "However, Poklov, if we do this, we do it all the way. We clear the entire dungeon of this evil: every room. We leave no room for error lest it return. Can you commit to that?"

Poklov nods. "Aye, how long we thinking? Days, months, years? I mean we don't even know how big this thing is."

Angelista says "However long it takes. However many forays we must make."

Poklov chuckles. "I ain't scared of going under some rock."

Aidīvós shrugs. "I don't know how far down this goes. I doubt it's more than months."

Angelista says, "Even if we go in, we attack and then retreat and then enter again and reattack, and we can eventually win. Yhink of it as war. with all its offensives and tactical retreats. The aggressor usually wins the siege when properly equipped. But for a lasting victory then entire dungeon MUST be cleared."

Aidīvós nods. "Now, listen, I can't have you popping out during this. I'm guarding some students who are studying. I don't want them getting startled."

Angelista asks, "Define, 'Popping out.'"

The bald man says, "Once I let you down, the door to the underground has to stay shut. We don't want folks asking questions about all this, you know."

Angelista nods. "I think we can handle that but if it does take weeks then we will have to come back out for things like food and water. My main concern is water."

Aidīvós smiles. "I think you'll find you can live off the surplus of the dungeon easily." He points out the pond feeding the moat. "I'm pretty sure this goes under there, too."

Angelista asks, "Can you describe any other troubles that you are enduring brought on by this problem? It may help us to identify our enemy."

Aidīvós says, "There's the occasional fell demon that gets out that we have to … take care of, you know?"

Angelista says, "Believe me, I know."

Aidīvós grins. "I'm sure you'll do fine. I can spare a few meals and let you spend the night first."

Angelista says, "That will do nicely. I assume we don't need some secret code to leave the dungeon when the job is finished. And I assure you we will finish."

After a night in one of the buildings near the wall, Aidīvós leads the gang into the tower. He takes the heroes down the stairs. "Now, our troops have been trained to whack first and ask questions later about anything that comes out of that door, so even banging on it from the other side isn't a good idea."

Angelista asks, "Then how do we get out when the job is done?"

He thinks for a moment. "Good question, and I don't have a good answer for it. How about you yell your name and what you've found?"

Angelista says, "Or we can yell our names and that the evil is dead. Does that work for you?"

He shrugs. "I suppose. But let us know what the evil was when you do so."

Angelista nods. "As you wish."

With that, he takes off the last bolt, and the guards take their position, looking at whatever is past. He opens the door to a big, dark room. Angelista leads the way, shield and spear in hand. When the heroes walk inside, they fall about a yard as the floor unexpectedly stops. Once everyone is inside—and the guards don't let the heroes tarry—the door shuts, and the heroes can hear the bolting and bars being put back on."

A bit beyond, they see some movement. They look like centipedes as big as a man. Angelista holds back and Honsou stays outside the light, but Felcanis steps forward. The centipedes scurry nearer, then rush towards the gang. Honsou misses with his first shot, but Poklov smashes the nearest centipede with his axe a few times. Angelista steps between the centipede and Felcanis as she stabs at the centipede on her left. Felcanis holds up her shield.

Poklov slams a centipede with his shield, knocking it down. Angelista puts her spear into another. The third turns to run away, but Angelista reaches it, and puts her spear into it, too.

The heroes rest up. Angelista lights a torch and looks around, and finds a short flight of stairs to a door to what looks like an old cottage. Going away from the cottage, she finds an old well. She goes back and tells the others.

They agree to check out the cottage. Honsou tries picking the lock to the cottage, but cannot, being a nasty gnomish lock. So, instead, they walk around the cottage, and see what looks like was once an old village. Was this once on the surface? How?

Moving away from the rock walls and the cottage, they little by little see the walls of an old keep, somehow still intact. Walking a little farther, they see what was once an old stable, with its door stuck open. Inside they see what was three stalls, and the carcasses of who knows what, overgrown with mold.

They leave the stable, and go to the keep. As they walk down this short flight of stairs, you see decorative weapons lining the walls. The weapons are more for show than for actual use. They get to a door, and Honsou picks its lock. They go into a room, and see one wall is lined with bones. A thick rope hangs down from the middle of the ceiling, coming out of the ceiling itself. The rugs there are rotten. The marble altar near the north wall has two stout round legs, and sits on a one-step daïs. There's a few of what looks like a long sequence of segmented shells, which Angelista thinks are the molted shells of giant centipedes.

Felcanis checks out the altar. It heavy and made of marble. She thinks this altar is for the dark god Ažbrátōr. The others check out the bones, and they are from all kinds of humanoids and animals, though nobody knows for sure. Poklov looks under a rug, and finds nothing. However, the bones on the north wall look a little off in the middle of the wall, a little too neat. Poklov studies them, and thinks that pulling on what might have been an ogre toe or a woman's femur might do something interesting. Poklov beckons to Honsou, who moves the bone, and a door in the wall opens


In the middle of the room beyond the bone wall is a stone sarcophagus, and the wall through which they came is lined with bones, much as it is on the other side. The right wall has the outline of a door but they see no way of opening it. On the far wall you see a drawing in chalk.

Angelista looks at the drawing. The drawing is crude, but she can clearly see stick figures of men under what looks like water above. Some are falling over from the oncoming water. She points it out to the others. "A warning, perhaps?" she muses. While she looks at it, Honsou pushes open the sarcophagus. It's heavy, but he can open it after some pushing and shoving. Whoever was in this sarcophagus isn't here now. And he took his grave goods, whatever they may have been.

They go back, and go down a hallway to another room. There are two wrecked tables in the middle of this room. They go past, then down a hallway after a fork. They get to another fork, and peer down it. A man in the corner of a deadend spots them. "Aaah!"

Poklov says, "Hello there."

The man has a stocky body, a sculpted face, light grey eyes, long, bushy black hair, and a braided beard. He's wearing heavy leather armor with a cheap short sword and a shield. Honsou walks towards him with his knife drawn. The man holds up his hands and screams out, "Aaah! No, man, I'm good, I'm good!"

Angelista tells Honsou to hold off. Poklov asks how he got down into the dungeon.

The man looks both ways. "They're madmen up there. I figured they were up to something no good, and they threw me down here when I planned on sneaking out and going to town."

Poklov asks, "Madmen? Care to show us where they are?"

They man waves his hands as he talks. "There's something down here. They know it." He points upwards. "They're not gonna let us out."

Angelista nods. "I believe the mad men are above, in town."

Poklov asks him to them where the "bad thing" is, and the man nods at Angelista. "They're running the keep."

Angelista smiles and nods. "They will be poorly prepared if they try to keep us down here, though."

The man sighs. "Whatever it is, it's below, well below, and they don't want to confront it."

Poklov says, "Well, we have a priest and an expert demon hunter with us. I think we can handle it, if we just knew."

The man's shoulders slump. "They don't think you're gonna live. They don't think any of us are gonna live."

Poklov pours a little wine in a cup and hands it to him. "Well dunno if you heard, dwarves are tough."

The man takes a sip of the wine and nods. "You best dig your way out if you know what's good for you. We're not the first down here. I know they sent some goons from town down here last year and they never came out." He looks up at the heroes. "The master of this keep … did you meet him? That old man is mad."

Angelista asks, "What is going on above? Tell us."

The man lets out a sigh. "That old man is doing something that brought whatever that is into the world." He starts to wave his hands again. "He's in league with some kind of demons, man."

Angelista says, "Well, we are here now. Whatever he is up to, consider it ended very soon."

The man shakes his head and and raises his hands. "No, man, he's too powerful! I've seen one of those things, man. It's some demon, all green and shit!"

Poklov asks, "Want to come with us, good sir?"

The man asks, "Are you getting out of here?"

Poklov says, "Well we going to get rid of this problem in here first, then we will. You're welcome to be with us or take your chances else alone."

The man shakes his head. "I need to get out of here. I'm not going farther down there."

Angelista says, "Then go. We will inform you if we kill it."

The man says, "I have no idea how to get out, lady!"

Angelista sneers. "Go or stop whining about getting out, I don't care which. Just shut up if you are not going to assist."

The man asks, "You mind telling me how the hell I get out of here then, lady?" Angelista walks away. The man mutters, "Bitch," under his breath, and shakes his head.

Angelista walks over and slaps him. "Watch your mouth." He shrinks back, but doesn't act against her. Angelista points to where she came. "The exit is that way. Fuck off with you."

The man says, "Lady, that way is locked. You know damn well they won't open the door for any of us."

Angelista says "Then your kinda fucked, aren't you? So stop whining about it."

The man asks, "Who's whining?"

Angelista says, "You are. You complain about not knowing how to get out but you offer no information other than what we already know. So shut up or offer actual information."

He scoffs. "Lady, I told you what I know. There's something down here, well below us, that the crazy old man brought into this world."

Angelista says, "And I told you we will inform you when we kill it, if you live that long."

He smirks. "Oh, I plan to. It's you I'm worried won't be alive."

Angelista says, "We are not leaving. Do you understand that?"

He waves his hands in the air as he talks, this time above his head. "Do YOU?"

Poklov beckons to the others. "Let's press forward."

The man mutters, "You're fucking crazy," as the heroes walk away.

Down the hall, they turn a corner, and see a big spider web, a broken blade, and a ripped sack. Honsou looks at the sack, and it's empty, though it has some nasty oil on it.

Honsou doesn't have enough time to think about what the oil is before the spider drops on him. The spider, a giant black widow, grapples him. However, Honsou can reach his knife, and sticks it into the spider. Angelista throws her spear at the spider, but misses, and it flies into the web. Poklov charges the rear of the spider and plants a couple of axe blows into its head, taking it down. They get the spider off Honsou, kill it, and burn its web, which also burns the remains of the table and chairs to which the web was stuck.

They go back the way they came to look at a door they missed. Once Honsou opens it, and a cross between a norker and an earth elemental sticks its spear into him, though his armor stops it. The monster is about four feet tall, with its red skin making plates. Honsou pulls out his knife and chucks it at the another one in the room, but it gets out of the way. The little monster slams into Honsou, giving him a small bruise. Angelista misses as she tries to rush it with her spear. Poklov whacks its skull with his axe, knocking it down.

Out in the hall, another demon slams into Bill, but Bill whinnies as he steps away. Honsou whips out his bow and shoots an arrow into the other demon in the room. It takes the shot, and shoves its spear into Felcanis. Angelista sticks her spear into it, and realizes what it is. It's a hellshot, a little guy from some hell, and when it is hurt, it goes nuts.

Poklov moves inside, and Bill books it past the hellshot. Felcanis stays up, and Honsou nocks an arrow. A hellshot sticks its spear into Angelista. It isn't a deep wound, but it hits a nerve and she falls down. Poklov swings again for a hellshot, but can't get through its plate-like skin. Honsou takes a shot, but cannot get his arrow through its skin. It keeps wailing on Angelista, even though she's on the ground, and sticks its spear into her again.

Felcanis drops her helmet with Continual Light cast on it, and runs after Bill. Poklov again chops at the hellshot's thick skull, but it stays up. Honsou misses with his next shot, and the hellshot yet again sticks its spear into the downed Angelista.

Poklov keeps wailing on the hellshot as Felcanis runs after Bill. Honsou misses yet again with his shot, but Angelista gets her shield up as the hellshot tries to stab her again. Poklov gets off a last flurry of blows, and downs the hellshot. Felcanis gets Bill, and they start healing up.

Felcanis casts Major Healing on Angelista. They go into the room where they fought the little demons and rest on the cots. They lie down. Honsou sets up makeshift traps on the doors, Felcanis casts Watchdog, and they lie down to rest.

Near the end of their rest, Honsou is on watch. He hears someone trying to open the west door, and Felcanis wakes up, her spell alerting her. Angelista and Poklov wake up, though are rubbing their eyes as some pig-faced humanoids with twitchy ears kicking open the door. A big, bullnecked orc with a unibrow snarls and yells for the others to strike, but not before Honsou shoots and misses the foremost orc. Angelista and Poklov grab their weapons and sit up, and Felcanis fires up a Sunbolt. The orcs rush into the room.

Honsou gets out another arrow and aims for the leader. Angelista and Poklov stand up, and Poklov grabs his other axe. Felcanis throws her Sunbolt at the lead orc, but misses, while the orcs get nearer.  Honsou steps and shoots a bodkin arrow at the orc leader, but the orc leader shoves his shield in the way. The orc leader yells "Schmaggot!" He rushes forward and takes a couple of swings at Honsou. Honsou dodges the first one, but takes the second axe blow to his side.

Angelista runs at the leader and swings her sword at him, but misses. Poklov swings for the leg of the orc almost upon him, and cripples his leg when the orc does not block the swing. Felcanis tries to plant her mace in the body of the orc before her, but the orc gets his shield up. The orc swings his falchion, and hits Felcanis as she tries to step back. Another steps and swings at Angelista, hurting her but not dropping her when she doesn't parry.

Honsou steps back, whips out his sword, and holds it up to try to block any blow, but the leader again hits him with his axe. He stays up, but Angelista steps and tears into the leader's arm with her broadsword. He can't get out of the way of the blow, and falls from the pain that Angelista has given him. Poklov steps and tries to put his axe into the skull of another nearby orc, but the orc blocks his axe with his shield. Felcanis puts her shield up to stop any blow as she steps back.

One orc yells, "Gah! Darûk lûmpuzat!" This must mean something to the orcs, as they turn to run. Poklov bashes an orc from behind, felling him, and then does the same to the orc whose leg he has crippled. The leader rolls over, but Angelista stands over him and points her sword at his throat. He spits at her, calls her a bitch and a "schtupit" woman, and tries to push his shield into her but cannot hit. Poklov comes over and hits him with his axe, knocking him out.

The other orcs have armor that is too smelly to sell or even wear, but the leader is wearing mail. Upon taking off his hauberk, the gang finds that he's wearing a shirt that somehow has no tears in it. It find this odd, so keeps it as well as his armor.

After a little more rest, they get up. Poklov tries to tend to Felcanis's wounds, but cannot help. They pour a potion of Major Healing down Felcanis's throat, and she wakes up. Now that she's awake, she casts Major Healing on both Angelista and Honsou, then Honsou slugs a potion of Minor Healing. Felcanis, after some rest, also casts Minor Healing on both Poklov and Angelista, then drinks a potion of Minor Healing herself.

Now mostly healed, they try to set off, but Bill balks at something. As Felcanis is trying to get Bill to move, Angelista, after getting a Light spell on her sword from Felcanis, checks out the hallway. She finds orc tracks leading to the right along the dust; nothing she didn't expect. Honsou takes the sword and looks around, but finds nothing else. He gives the sword back to Angelista as Felcanis at last gets Bill to move.

They walk back to the hallway where they found the wiry man, and see that he is no longer there. Just past that nook is a stairs going down, which they take. They find themselves in what looks like it was a big hall, with rotten banners above. They go to the left of where the stairs opened and walk into a hallway. The hallway turns after a few feet, and there is a door to their left. It looks like it is locked, and Honsou picks it open.

They open the door, and they go into a room. Sets of torture equipment and tools of the trade lie scattered about. A whip in a glass box hangs on the far wall alongside a rack of tools, such as boards, pliers, thumbscrews, and tongs. After checking out the room, they leave it, finding nothing worth keeping or any other way out.

They go back down the hallway, and find a door. To the left of the door is a small table and chair here in the cranny, somehow still intact. Honsou finds the door locked, and cannot pick it. Poklov pulls out the orc leader's axe, and starts chopping the door. After a few swings, there's a big enough hole to reach through and open the door.

Inside the room, there are rusted cages. There is a painting on the wall next to the door. It shows a woman wearing a silver necklace and laughing at a party. Felcanis thinks there's something mystical about that painting. Honsou takes the painting.

Honsou thinks there's something weird about the cage by the east wall, how it's sitting. It's not flat on the floor like the others.

Angelista says, "Hey, Honsou, before you just take off with the painting why don't you inspect the wall?" Honsou checks to see if it's connected, and weirdly enough, it is propped funny with the wall, and there's a small indent in the wall where its corner sits. He doesn't see anything remarkable about the indent. It just seems to fit with the corner of the cage. Which is odd since the wall is stone.

Felcanis starts playing with the cage door. Angelista tells her not to touch it, but Felcanis says, "This is pretty neat, not sure what exactly what this does." Honsou checks again, and sees that the cage is sitting funny, at an awkward angle and not flat on the floor, with one of its corners sticking into the wall where it seems to fit. He pulls it along the wall, and the wall opens.

Felcanis smiles. "I knew something was up."

They walk through the hole in the wall, and into another room with rotten straw mats and rotten wooden dummies. The dummies have indents in them that are more recent than the rot. There is a door on the far side.

Angelista says, "These appear to have been used recently."

Poklov muses, "Someone training to fight here?"

Honsou checks the door on the other side, and finds it untrapped and unlocked. He opens it, and they go into a room with a bunch of desks with beakers and mortar and pestles on them. There is a door to the right and a hallway to the left.

Felcanis pokes around on the table in the middle. "What's these strange liquids in these bottles? What you think they are making?"

Poklov shrugs. "It ain't ale, so I dun care."

Felcanis sticks her finger on the edge to feel the residue left behind. The table here has just old alchemy tools on it, while the desks by the wall also have drawers. The bottles are mostly broken, and the chemicals therein are dried to the glass. It has been so long that the chemicals aren't even sticky.

Poklov says, "Any of y'all feel that this place use to be inhabited? Recently, by normal people, not creatures that go bump in the night. I mean, orcs aren't known for their alchemy, mainly fighting and smashing."

Angelista nods. "No, but other creatures might be."

Honsou opens a drawer in the middle desk. When he does so, a cloud wafts out of the drawer and Honsou falls down. The cloud dissipates before anyone can get to Honsou, and Felcanis puts her hands on him. She finds that he's asleep, not dead. The others bring him into the training room and rest for four hours.  Luckily, nothing comes in that time.

Once he wakes, they go back into the laboratory, then through the hallway to the left. Once there, they go into a room with a high vaulted ceiling and rotting pews in the half of the room near where they came inside. In the other half there is a dais raised about six inches off the floor, and on it, next to but not flush with the wall, sits a pipe organ. Three big beetles in the other half of the room spot their light and skitter towards them.

Honsou gets out an arrow, but his bow turns in his hand when he fires it wildly. Luckily, he misses everything in range. Poklov moves warily to fight, and Angelista steps and waits for the beetles to come to her. Felcanis casts Armor on Angelista just before one of the beetles moves to bite her. She sticks her spear into the beetle, but its hard shell takes most of the blow. It bites her and she can't get her shield in the way, and the magic armor likewise takes most of its blow. Another one turns its rear to Angelista and lets out a stream of hot oil that just misses her.

Honsou steps, trying to get his bow ready. Poklov rushes the beetle with his shield, but it steps away. Angelista chucks her spear at the innards of the beetle that shot its oil at her, but her spear bounces off its carapace. She gets out her sword right after the lob. Felcanis casts Flaming Weapon on Angelista's sword, while the spider who just ignored Angelista's spear moved to just outside the bright light of Felcanis's Continual Light, and the other two beetles turn their rears to fire.

Their steal-happy archer gets off his shot after nocking his arrow, but his arrow bounces off the carapace. Poklov tries to cleave the beetle nearest him, but drops his axe. Angelista bolts for the fore of the beetle and swings her sword, but it gets out of the way. Felcanis fires up a small Sunbolt. One beetle hits Poklov with a stream of hot oil, which doesn't hurt him, but numbs him with its blisters. Another one bites him and gets past his armor.

Honsou loads his bow and starts aiming at a beetle. Poklov gets out another axe and hits the beetle in its carapace. Angelista shifts to the left side of the beetle and swings at the beetle, but likewise cannot get through its carapace. Felcanis aims her Sunbolt at a beetle as it skitters and turns its rear to squirt. Another one already does so, and its oil hurts Poklov, further numbing him with blisters.

The archer again gets off a shot that, like his last shot, bounces off the beetle's exoskeleton. Poklov tries to hit a beetle nearby, but his axe instead twists in his hand. Angelista says she has Poklov covered, and dashes to hit the beetle near Poklov, but misses. Felcanis's Sunbolt flies at a beetle, but the light hits the shell and does nothing. The two beetles by Angelista and Poklov move away from them, while the one that Felcanis hit steps forward and turns to shoot.

Honsou gets out an arrow, steps, and aims. Poklov shakes out his hand and grips his haft anew. Angelista hustles to hit a beetle, but again cannot get through the beetle's carapace. Felcanis fires up a big Sunbolt as Poklov blocks a stream of bug juice coming towards him with his shield. Honsou keeps aiming, while Poklov rams his spiked shield into the rear of the beetle, knocking it down.

Yeah, it's that kind of fight.

Angelista turns and whacks a beetle with her sword, this time getting through its shell. Felcanis aims her spell at a beetle between two pews. One beetle turns its rear and the one on the ground starts to stand, while the third shoots its juice at Poklov, who again blocks the stream with his shield. Honsou shoots the beetle between the pews in the eye, this getting through.

Poklov goes for a chink in the neck of the beetle and gives it a good chop, while Felcanis burns the beetle in the pews from behind. It and another beetle turn to see what is behind them, while the one that Poklov knocked down gets up and move. Honsou pulls out an arrow and starts aiming, while Poklov rushes the beetle that just stood up with his spiked shield, knocking it down again.

Angelista tries to chop a beetle in the neck, but it shifts its neck away. Felcanis warily looks around. The beetle near Angelista moves away and turns around, the one by Poklov starts to stand, while the third turns to see what is behind it. Honsou keeps aiming, Poklov again plants his axe in the beetle's neck, but Angelista fails to do the same on that same beetle. Felcanis fires up another small Sunbolt.

The beetle from which Angelista has moved away shoots out a stream of bug juice, but as Angelista has moved, there's no one there for it to scald. The one she just struck bites her, but the magic takes the blow. The last one lunges to bite Felcanis, but she blocks it with her shield. Honsou shoots the beetle in the pews in its lone eye, taking out its eye, but somehow it still is fighting.

Poklov and Angelista chop at the neck of a beetle; both hit, though Poklov instead hits its back. Felcanis aims. Two of the beetles move away, while the third runs behind the pipe organ. Honsou gets out another arrow and aims, while Poklov moves. Angelista also moves and tries to hit the beetle's back, but misses.

Felcanis keeps aiming at a beetle. The beetle in the pews rears up, and the one nearest Angelista blindly shoots at her, mildly scalding her. The third beetle keeps running around the side of the room. Honsou keeps aiming, Poklov moves, and Angelista hits a beetle on the carapace just past its head.

Felcanis shoots her spell at the beetle, but it gets out of the way and runs between some pews. Another moves away from Angelista, while a third shoots juice at Honsou, scalding him. Honsou gets off a shot at the beetles as they skitter away.

Res aliae

The beetles had inadvertently-great tactics. They take a penalty in bright light, so they were taking care to move away from such light. This kept them out of the range of the PCs much of the time, especially Angelista, who had Flaming Weapon.

I have no idea why I thought the beetles should shoot their oil out of their rears, but I did that at the start and kept it up. That brought a few cringeworthy moments.

They'll start next session down quite a few Fatigue Points, as Angelista and Poklov were burning theirs on Mighty Blows to get through the thick (DR 9) plates of the beetles. Angelista was also using Heroic Charge as the beetles kept skittering away from her while she held her flaming sword.

I have one screenshot, but I can't get any links or pictures to work in Blogger at the moment. Maybe I'll edit it in later.

Whiterock 24 May 2021: Splat!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior
Val, a purple-clad elf wizard
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

Thrognar mutters, "This place is strange. One minute I'm fighting four armed dog demons, the next I'm standing knee deep in Dretch with no idea how I got here."

Polly says, "According to Zaber everything is explained by mushrooms."

Thrognar scoffs. "I haven't touched the things since seminary school."

Polly asks, "So where we gonna go? The dretches seem really dead"

We go to the east. That hallway widens out to a much bigger cavern with a high ceiling. The air smells better here, but it also feels hotter. The cavern loops around a bend ahead, and a small plateau in the middle of the floor sweeps upward dramatically off to the side. It looks like it leads to a tunnel. A great stone pillar stands more or less in the middle of the floor. It's a natural pillar, not carved, and it goes all the way up from the floor to the ceiling.

To the east I see a big beast on the ceiling. That beast lurking above is a spider as seen in the worst nightmares. Bigger than three horses, its legs clack on the stone as it eerily moves across the ceiling toward us. Venom drizzles in a rancid rain from its jaws, and eight glowing beads of hunger eye us mercilessly.

I am the only one catches a glimpse of this spider right away, though I hiss to the others to look up. Polly says to me, "I bet your going to say just because its big it isn't nature?"

I keep looking up at it. "Even Nature gets hungry. And we're food. So it's be hunter or prey, and I intend to be hunter." And Thrognar says it isn't nature, but a fell beast from the depths of hell.

I fly to the other side of the spider, but it flips off the ceiling and dives down at the others. The cavern shakes as the spider hits home, knocking people like pinballs. Polly, Stonemaul, Garreth, and Logan get out of the way, but Thrognar and Val do not. Thrognar goes flying into a cavern wall, but Val dies right away.

Polly tries to shoot the spider's eyes then flies to Garreth's reach for safety. One of the arrows does hit the eye, but somehow, it looks like it can still see. Garreth sneers at the spider but focuses inward, stepping back and giving a "Bring it" gesture. Thrognar and Stonemaul, like Garreth, step and focus on their inner strength. Logan bites its foot, but that doesn't seem to hurt the spider at all. I fly onto the back of the spider and grab it. Bleu, standing in back, yells, "It's a bebilith!" Thrognar yells, "Aim at it's thorax! A little to the right! And watch out for it's backside. It poops webs. And keep it's claws away from your armor." However, the spider poops one of those webs at Thrognar, pinning him to the wall. It tries to claw and bite Polly, but Garreth blocks its blows with Scalemar.

Bleu casts Great Haste on Garreth, and he starts chopping at the spider. It doesn't even try to get out of the way, and one of the blows does seem to slow it down. Polly keeps peppering its eyes with arrows, which again do not blind it. Thrognar can't wiggle his way out, so he shouts at me to go for the thorax. I put my knife into the innards of the spider twice, while Logan again bites its foot, though again the spider does not notice. Stonemaul hits it in the skull four times. For some reason, the spider spits its web at Logan, but he gets out of the way. It also tries to brush me off, but I hold on. And it tries to claw and bite at Garreth, but he parries.

This isn't the spider's day.

Polly keeps shooting the spider in the eyes, which don't seem to hurt it that much. Garreth keeps pounding at the spider's chest. I call it a "Lazy Lob!" as I stab it in the skull, and Thrognar yells for Stonemaul to likewise go for the skull. Stonemaul's sword pounds its skull, and those blows hurt it so much that it lashes back in rage. It pounces on Stonemaul, Garreth, Polly, and Bleu, but they all get out of the way. Garreth lets out a last barrage of blows to the spider's brain, and it slumps down, dead at last.

Garreth glares at the creature. "You killed are new wizard. Those aren't free, you know."

Stonemaul points to Val. "Gods saw fit to largely keep 'im intact." They didn't feel the same about the spider, and Logan runs up to eat the entrails.

I climb off the spider and point at Garreth. "You killed my mount, man!"

Garreth sighs. "Zaber, you were never riding that out of the dungeon, nor were we ever going to take it out of this demon trap.

I wag his finger at Garreth. "Never say never, G."

Garreth points at the brains oozing out. "Never."

Polly takes four of the spider's fangs and I fill nine vials of its poison. At Garreth's behest, I start looking at the webbing on the ceiling for loot. Sure enough, I find a silver long spear marked with celestial looking glyphs with stylized wing motifs as well as some money. Polly says that the spear is magic. Garreth asks Bleu to find out what it does.

Bleu sighs and casts Analyze Magic. "This is a Seraphic Lance, it is forged of Celestial Silver and counts as blessed, and is both fine and balanced. It aids in valorous advance and strengthens the heart of its wielder"

We load Val's body into the Bag of Holding then go back to Cillamar.

Other stuff

Val's player is going to make a new character who can better withstand taking 140 HP in one hit.

Monday, May 24, 2021

Whiterock 10 May 2021: Banality drone

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

The demons are now dead.

Garreth asks Bleu, "Are these demons made of things that are valuable?"

I roll my eyes. "She's gonna babble all damn day about this, I know it."

Bleu does babble as I foresaw. "They don't look very valuable in and of themselves, however, referring back to Axioms of Avaricious Adventurers, we should check for valuable items."

I lean over to Garreth. "I didn't bother to read that one." He nods, and we start to rifle through the glabrezu's body, and find both a mantle of bezekira fur, a decorative bit of armor inlain with obsidian, a chimera leathern belt with a cold iron buckle, a meteoric belt buckle, and a dark blue rhomboid that was floating around the glabrezu's head earlier. The vrocks have a bunch of platinum coins.

I grab the rhomboid. "What does this thing do?"

Why did I open my mouth? Garreth's lackey the walking babble box starts her babble. "Oh come on, surely you have read Triffid's Guide to Ioun Stones? Or the Commentary on Common Magic Items? It raises your perception by 2."

I raise an eyebrow. "Are we talking about a triffid, a walking mutant plant?"

Bleu shakes her head. "Actually I knew Triffid, I spent years making coffee for Triffid. And more coffee. Sometimes I made tea. One time I sharpened pencils."

Garreth picks up the ioun stone and holds it uncertainly near his head before gently tossing it up. Stonemaul gives the Vrock corpses an extra slash for keeping him stun-locked that battle. I pick up the severed claws of the glabrezu. "These have any meat in them?"

Bleu nods, but adds how toxic they are. "Well, Garreth can probably eat them."

Ibizaber shrugs. "Logan, eat up, boy." Logan eats the demonic crab meat. It doesn't seem to bother him.

Bleu keeps babbling for some reason. "One time I made coffee and sharpened pencils the same week…." And she keeps telling tales about working for Triffid.

I have to ask her if she knows the Silence spell, and she says she does. I tell her to cast it on herself. "Oh, that's the same joke Triffid made."

I lean over to Garreth. "Do we really need to endure this?"

He shrugs. "We need her knowledge and spellcasting.  Unless you want to go to wizard school."

I shake my head. "Wizard school sounds like hearing this stuff nonstop."

Stonemaul casts Bless on me, then we start resting. Polly comes over to me after everyone else sits down. "This is so boring. We should scout, Zaber." I shrug, and stand up. I tell Logan to go over to Garreth and get some beer, then pull out the twine and tie it on my and Polly's wrists before putting on my ring.

After some flying ahead over the waterfall of acid, I see a statue of pure onyx stands near a corner. It is decorated with antique, golden armor, with a spiked helmet and thick bracers. Its expression is grim, as if it knows a finality or a deep secret it would tell if it could. The whole thing must weigh many tons, and stands just over ten feet tall. I take a closer look at it, but doesn't touch it.

Polly asks, "Ooh, should I shoot it?"

I let her know, "It's not threatening us."

Polly looks upset since I talked her out of shooting. "Wonder what it is? Is it nature?"

I chuckle. "Are helmets Nature?"

Polly says, "If you make them out of a calabash."

I fly around, looking for any mechanisms on it, which I do not see. However, I find a book in a nook. It's in Common, and is a self-help book called Virtues of a Life of Service by one Allie the Archon. It's really boring stuff about virtues like temperance. I show it to Polly, and she asks me what temperance is.

I scoff. "A really dumb idea put forth by the evil witch Nansiraygun"

We fly back to the others, and let them know about the statue and book. The others come over, and I let Polly take a shot. The statue bellows, "Death has no quarrel with thee, Citizen!" and Polly falls prone, prostrating herself before the statue.

Stonemaul asks the statue if it will talk, but it does nothing. He tells us, "This is an inevitable marut. It's a lawful entity that very much does not like necromancy or resurrection."

Garreth asks, "So if I'd been resurrected, it'd have a beef with me?"

Stonemaul shakes his head. "More if it were in presence of people trying to do such."

Garreth thinks for a bit. "So, uh, does it have cool stuff?"

Stonemaul again shakes his head. "Just what you are seeing: oversized equipment and powerful mental attacks. I don't think its a component of our larger task here, just another summon caught by the improperly arranged 'Demonhold.'"

Garreth nods. "Then got stuck like the demons, devils and celestials." He turns to the statue. "Marut-thing, is that what happened?"

It stands there. It does not speak. After a bit, Polly stands up.

Garreth asks again. "Marut, if I can give you leads on things you hate, you interested?"

Polly glares at it. "It must be an enemy we should take it out."

It stands there. It does not speak.

I whip out the book of virtues to a random page and start reading it aloud to the inevitable.

It stands there. It does not speak. Folks learn about giving money to the poor.

Garreth says, "I don't think we have to kill it." He turns to Bleu. "Bleu, you have any perspective on this?"

Bleu says, "What do you want to know? Maul knew the gist of it."

I say, "Yeah, but we figure since it's terminally boring through not talking and you're terminally boring through talking, you might have some insight."

Garreth asks, "Is this a critter that normally can be summoned? Is it a being that can be negotiated with? Can it be weaponized? Is it more or less scary than the demon we killed?"

Bleu nods. "If you bring a necromancer or something to it then it will attack it. If you agree to stop being a necromancer it will stop attacking you and place you under a powerful geas."

Garreth asks, "What about telling it where one is?"

Bleu just keeps babbling. "It doesn't like talking. If you tell it something it will listen though. They like information. Less powerful than a Pit Fiend at its full power, maybe on par with the weakened one you fought earlier, maybe weaker."

I suggest, "Hey, Bleu, start talking at it. Tell it those stories. We'll just wait in the next level or town."

Bleu starts telling stories of how she cast create food, flight, and create food and flight for an entire extended campaign. She tells it about how she burned the coffee, and how no one ate her elven rations she cooked. She tells it about how she searched an empty room inch by inch, with naps.

It stands there. It does not speak.

Stonemaul pipes up, "How about telling it where the lich is instead?"

Garreth grimaces. "Eh, the lich has … it's not a typical lich."

I hiss, "There is no ich-lay!"

Polly says, "Oh! Remember Eli! I think this thing is more Eli than Eli."

The statue stands there and does not speak. Bleu stands there and does not stop speaking.

Garreth says, "Let's move on."

Stonemaul asks, "The lowered bluff to the west, or follow the acid river to the east?" Garreth and I both agree on the river.

We fly over to it, and see that it ends in a bunch of nooks and crannies. I look down them, and find sparkling stuff hidden at the ends of some. It's too tight for me to get too far, so I call over to Bleu. "Hey, Bleu, wanna be able to tell a story about how you cast Apportation to get the sparkly stuff?"

Bleu sighs, and says, "Fine." She drags back 300 gold and a gold ring with a compass symbol. She doesn't look at it and hands it to me. Garreth asks her if it's magical and she looks at it, now that it's in my hands. "Yes."

Garreth rolls his hand as he talks. "So, can you tell me anything about it?"

She looks at it some more. "Ah, according to Van Waffstein's Guide to Magic of the 7th Empire this is a ring commonly known as a Pathfinder Ring, it is given to explorers who may find themselves lost and in dark places. If you say 'Fiat Lux' it will generate a beam of light akin to a bullseye lantern, if you command it 'Via' it shall show an arrow pointing North akin to a compass, it was first recorded in Slussoth's Commentaries and further referenced in …"

The next thing I know Logan is nuzzling me, waking me up, and I hear Bleu. "Also being made of gold it didn't dissolve in common acids."

Garreth looks up. "Is that all it does? In magical terms."

Bleu says, "It also can be hexed to the wearer to not fall off while the wearer still lives, however it still may be removed via means such as a cleaver, acid, or dragon fire."

Garreth shrugs. "Meh, a little emergency light sounds nice." He slips it on, and it sizes to fit his hand. "Let's move on."

We go back, and as we are walking back into the cave on the other side of the waterfall, a small creature poofs into existence with a puff of purple smoke. Its bloated frame shudders with each heaving step, yet it moves with surprising quickness.

I point to it. "Hey, Bleu, what treasure does it have?"

Bleu starts her babbling. "Oh, its a Malvarian's Lesser Bloat Demon, though commonly known as a dretch. It's a very minor demon that is formed of weak souls filled with self-loathing. It will attack blindly with little semblance of tactical acumen, and is defended only by its folds of rubbery hide akin in protection to plate. It carries no treasure."

I nod. "Sounds as bland as you do."

Bleu keeps babbling. "They are commonly summoned by mortal mages of little skill that traffic with demonic forces."

The dretch looks at Logan and lurches to attack. Garreth meditates, and Polly peppers the dretch with arrows. The dretch bursts in a puff of nasty rotten cabbage and eggs.

As I'm getting out my knife, another dretch poofs into being. Polly again shoots it, and it again bursts into a bad smell. Something about this seems off to me, so I pull out my knife and hold on for a second, and sure enough, three more dretches pop into the world. The first one doesn't get a chance to see our world, since I stick it in the eye, making it poof.

Garreth yells, "Bleu, can Hell run out of dretches?" Bleu rambles on into the long talk of whether Hell is Exothermic or Endothermic, and comes to the end that Prince Sylvanius Treearrow still hasn't gone out with her, so no, Hell cannot run out of dretches. Garreth chops up the other two, and then a second later, two more come. I miss with my eye-shot, Logan's slam doesn't bowl over a dretch, so Polly shoots them both. A little more purple smoke wafts into the air, but no more dretches.

Garreth asks Bleu if they are likely to disappear. Blue tells him, "Hmm, it seems some mage was using a Summon Monster spell judging by the thaumic resonance, I suspect they are very disappointed at the results." Stonemaul agrees, as dretches don't randomly spawn on their own.

Garreth's eyes bug out. What mage would use Summon Monster around here? Everyone knows you can't summon around Whiterock Castle."

Polly shrugs. "Maybe an orc mage who just got here?"

I have to ask the obvious question: "Are we in Whiterock Castle?"

Garreth says, "Near as I can figure we're way way beneath it, but still in the general vicinity."

Stonemaul says, "I thought the whole point was all the summons end up here because the Demonhold spell was all screwed up. It was routing everything here. I s'pose that could mean that someone up top was just trying to summon monsters and they ended up here instead, but I figure the summoner is around here somewhere."

Garreth shakes his head. "I can't see why anyone up top would be trying, especially trying over and over again."

Stonemaul bugs out his eyes. "You cloud-breathers don't need to deal with every aspiring wizard learning Create Servant and trying to summon up one with the biggest assets and silkiest beard they can imagine?"

Polly shrugs. "None of these demons have even offered us cupcakes."