Whiterock 3 May 2021: Mushrooms, man, mushrooms

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior
Stonemaul, half-orc holy warrior

What they did

We're staring at the glowing thing. Logan growls at it, and Garreth says, "Hello, not mushroom." After it tells us it's not a mushroom, Garreth asks, "I presume you are stuck because you share some characteristic with the demons and devils and such? Do you go to the same bars?"

I look at Garreth. "Don't put mushrooms in my beerskin again! I'm seeing some crazy stuff!" He sighs at me.

The orb says, "Please, you may call me Fthirya. I am a Ghaele, a Celestial, not a mushroom. What? Do not slander me by comparing me to these unholy knaves."

Garreth says, "Celestia? That's outside here in the opposite direction from where the demons come from, yeah?"

I've heard something about Celestia in the past, so I ask, "Hey, if you're from Celestia, do you know Pinkie Pie?"

Fthirya says, "Pinkie Pie is an exalted Avatar of Chaotic Good, yes."

Wow. Such knowledge. "Whoa, so you totally do know her."

Fthirya explains, "Celestia is also a Plane of Existence occupied by very much not demons."

Garreth says, "I'm Garreth. We're (at least for the moment) trying to figure out how to keep this place from causing problems for the good guys."

I tell her, "I'm, uh, Zaber. The pretty one is Polly, and the furry one is Logan. And, uh, who all else is with us? I get confused."

Thrognar adds, "I'm Thrognar."

Fthirya says, "I seem to have found myself to inhabit this place quite without my own intention to do so, but lo, there are enemies and against them I have striven, such is the turning of the Wheels."

Garreth asks, "Can you tell us anything about this place? You aren't going to try to take away my sword or anything are you? The last upper planar creature I met claimed the sword I rightfully salvaged."

Fthirya points northwest. "In yon direction there is a waterfall of acid. Demons  congregate there to plot in secret away from Balfosa’s eyes, for all it gains them. I hold that another presence lurks therein, for I have sense of a strangeness." It then points northeast. "Anon and thusly there is a grave predator of demon-kind, tho it will sup on any’s savor. Watch thy step there, else the great spider cracks your bones, but pass through its demesne you must to approach foul Balfosa.

"Two roads and one choice await you: one high and another low. Yon demons walk the greater path, among the ruins of mine cousins. None take the lower road, nor I even, for I have heard a burning death awaits you."

I shrug. "Oh, that's par for the course around here."

The orb vanishes and in its place a beautiful female elf stands before us, her iris-less eyes regarding it without emotion. Long, wild hair hangs down her back, tumbling over her blue-tinged shoulder. Her attire is a mixture of courtly raiment with protective, intricately designed, metal plates, holding a equally intricate glowing longsword.

She says, "I brought my own blade, but thy blade is known for its good purpose and fine history, wield Scalemar well and in the cause of goodful folks everywhere"

I tell her that she'd be as hot as Polly were it not for her eyes. Fthirya nods at me. "I think that is a compliment and for that I thank you."

Garreth says, "Scalemar says you aren't a dragon, which is probably for the best."

I scoff, "Wow, what a smart sword. What's next, it's gonna tell us she's not a rutabaga?"

Garreth turns towards me with a scowl. "Look, it's a simple sword, it wants simple things. Bad dragons must die, that's pretty much the rule, right, Scale?"

Scalemar shakes in Garreth's hand. He says, "Look, you've upset it. I need you to apologize so we can move on."

I roll my eyes. "Look, G, I've done some whacky stuff over the years. I'm sorry about that time with the barrel. But apologizing to a sword?" Garreth keeps staring at me. "Uh, yeah, sorry, blade." I can't believe I said that.

Garreth looks at his sword and says, "See, he apologized, can we agree to be civil?" It stops shaking. "We can move on." He grabs Polly and Thrognar, who are talking about which dragons must die, and we all talk about where the dragon is and whether its name is Demonhold or not. He asks F'thirya for more information.

Fthirya says, "This place is the Demonhold. I know not of dragons." She starts to turn, and says that she's going to Balfosa’s chamber, and will wait for us there. If we slay Balfosa, she thinks that "he be returned to the Abyss anew there to stew for a long age," though she doesn't know for sure.

Garreth gets his hireling, the elf wizard Bleu, to cast spells on us. She casts Dark Vision and Flight on me, and I get her to cast Flight on Logan, too. I get some the Wineskin of Healing into Logan to heal his wounds. I make sure that Logan sticks near Garreth, pull out the twine and tie myself to Polly, and then put on my ring.

We fly down a narrow, long cavern with a steaming pool of water below. A short waterfall feeds it, and the smell of sulfur is strong here. Garreth sniffs for a moment. "I think that'd go good on tacos"

Bleu says, "Oh its acid, thats similar to vinegar, it would be good on fries. Aside from maybe melting you."

Garreth shrugs. "Wouldn't be the first time."

My eyes widen as I sees the three fiends of ill mien to my left. Two are winged, resembling scrawny vulture-men. The third is a dog-creature who stands fifteen feet tall. Big, pincered arms sprout from its shoulders, and another set with hands and claws, from its chest. Beneath its curling, black horns, it wears an almost-translucent mantle of white fur and piecemeal armor inlaid with obsidian. A deep blue stone magically floats in circles around its mastiff-head. I wildly tug on the twine to let Polly know. 

They don't see me, but they see the others. The mastiff demon stares at Garreth with curiosity, while the vulture demons have more a sneer and glare. One of the vulture demons steps forward, but the mastiff demon sticks out a pincered arm to block it. The mastiff demon then sticks out a clawed hand, opened to show that it comes in peace. It asks Garreth, "May we speak?" in flawless Common.

Garreth nods. "I'll hear you out. I'm disinclined to make any agreements, but I'll hear you." Logan stands next to Garreth, teeth bared, and growling. Bleu rambles about the full arcanic etymology of the demons and their names, and among the droning you learn they are two vrocks and a glabrezu.

Thrognar moves up towards the glabrezu, sword ready. "Be careful, Garreth. Demons' words are often as dangerous as their deeds."

The glabrezu's lips make what I think is a smile. "Let this not devolve into unnecessary fighting. You are adventurers, clearly, and I hold no grudge against those who seek to enrich themselves by taking plunder. By force if necessary. Rather, I find it admirable. More admirable, however, is that you have entered this Demonhold, meaning there is a way out. I would like to know how you did this."

Garreth chuckles. "That's a trade secret, but I can arrange a free trip to the lower planes if you like. We can't really face the priest in town if we told you how to get out. He gives us cool blessings and stuff."

The glabrezu leans forward. "I will let you live if you tell me. I can even tell you of riches, and of traps to let you slay my minions if demon blood is what you seek?"

Garreth mutters to Bleu, "Tell me about these glabrezus."

Bleu perks up, babbling loudly, "Well, it is huge, and strong, and can be best harmed by good weapons. It likes mirror images, oh and it can grant a wish. If you can force it to agree to its wish it will keep that agreement, but anything short of that, no. Also chaotic. It grapples with those claws. Oh and it knows a stun effect, too. Whatever anything specific you want to know?"

The glabrezu glares at Bleu. It's right; she is bothersome. She's the first elf woman I haven't hit on other than Seépravir, who would have turned me into a slug had I done so.

Garreth asks it, "So, are you offering wishes?"

The glabrezu scowls. "Very well, I shall give A wish to whoever tells me the way out" Garreth eyes the group, then watches the demon, sizing it up. The Glabrezu starts to look very impatient. "Deal with me or fight with me, but must we sit around looking at each other?"

Garreth asks, "How does this wish work? If you gives me the wish, is it mine to use whenever I want, or do you have to be around?"

The glazbrezu spits out, "You speak your wish and I grant it. You will use it within three minutes, but the effects may be permanent."

Garreth turns to Bleu. "Bleu, does the glabrezu have powers of mobility?"

Bleu says, "No."

Garreth turns back to the glabrezu. "Deal. The way out is back the way we came, but to go out, you must become as vapor. Now, I wish to be as I am except better at my art. Grant the wish."

The glabrezu growls, "So be it."

Garreth grins at the glabrezu. "Sweet. Now, to get to the exit you'll have to win a fight." He pulls out Scalemar.

The glabrezu smiles again. "I expected as much."

The glabrezu turns into three flickering images of itself, then charges forward to slam Thrognar. It looks like it is going to hit him but then it runs past us. Polly tries to shoot it in the eye after stepping away, but it dodges. Thrognar steps and concentrates, as does Garreth. The vrocks likewise have threefold images of themselves, then screech. The screeches stun Bleu, Thrognar, and Stonemaul, who has just shown up. I fly up a yard and shove my knife in the glabrezu's eye, while Logan tries to slam a vrock, but misses and runs past.

The glabrezu steps away from me and says a fell word in a fell tongue, though somehow it doesn't bother anyone other than Stonemaul. It grabs me, and it's about to squeeze me and then I'm out somehow. Polly drops her bow and pulls out her rapier and long knife and tries to hit a vrock, but instead she drops her rapier. "Oops!" Garreth steps and starts quickly spinning Scalemar, cutting the hands off the glabrezu, then slashing its head (which is harder than he thought it would be), then slashing its neck. I go for its eye again; for some reason, my knife easily goes in. Logan gets a piece of the vrock with his bite, but not a big piece.

Polly steps and pulls up her rapier, which is dangling from her lanyard. The glabrezu bellows and unleashes an awful blast of chaos and discordance upon Zaber that defies the very order of the universe in an ever shifting destabilizing pattern. This is definitely the one cool thing it does other than grant Garreth's wish; I haven't seen such a light show since I bought a few mushrooms off Vulgaris a few months ago and took them while listening to the mayor speak. Laser Captain Beefheart, man. One of the vrocks tries to kill Stonemaul, but instead looks dumb as it kicks air; the other one misses Polly and loses its balance. Thrognar steps up and whacks that vrock in the head, and it stands around, dizzy. Garreth keeps whacking at the glabrezu and, after six fast blows, lops off its head. He then roars at the vrock, stunning it.