Whiterock 9 October 2023: C'mon! I like looking at those!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine

Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

We ask Bleu about putting Hasna in a Pentagram and making her dispel Sleep of Ages, which she says Hasna could do, but she would get to resist the Pentagram. So, we bring the flask back to Cillamar.

We go into the Slumbering Drake and I put the flask on the bar. "Hey, Chauntessa, we need to chat."

Chauntessa says, "Yes, Zaber?"

I nod. "It involves your mate."

She grabs me by the collar and drags me to a private room. "Yes, Zaber?"

I hold up the flask. "OK, here's the scoop. The caster of Sleep of Ages is a lamia trapped in this flask. To get her to dispel her spell, it takes eight hours and losing the geas after an hour. Even if we somehow trap her in a Pentagram for eight hours to dispel the spell, and we might not be able to stuff her back inside."

Chauntessa sighs then growls, "Why does that matter? Who cares about the lamia if she frees my mate?" She clutches my shoulder and looks at me angrily.

My eyes widen at her unexpected aggression. "She has a Shadow Jump ability that lets her poof easily once the Pentagram is broken. She'll go somewhere and cause havoc, probably killing innocent people."

Chauntessa scoffs. "Fine, fine, I hire people to track her down and kill her afterwards. I still have some of my horde left."

Garreth, Bleu, and Logan come in the room, having followed us back. Garreth steps between Chauntessa and me, and I smooth my mail, making one step towards Bleu. He turns towards Chauntessa. "We're essentially going to have to make her cast this by choice. We're going to get it done, we want advice on how to best get it done. Do you have a good lead on how to get that done? We just need leverage to make sure we get everything we need done."

I pipe up. "If we somehow send her back to Whiterock, Scithia and her can fight things … what?"

Chauntessa sighs. "Oh, yes, fine, have Scithia kill her." She turns back towards Garreth. "I suppose we can leave her in a Pentagram until she awakens my love or starves?"

Garreth asks, "So, m'lady, can you cast Pentagram?"

Chauntessa nods. "I can cast Pentagram. Do you think that would help?"

I nod back. "Very much so. We should put the town on high alert, though if she gets out, she'll teleport somewhere else. We ready? I just want to have a good offer for her to cast the spell to have less fuss."

Garreth drinks a cup of whiskey like it's water. "We'd want the Pentagram to enclose the party, the sleeper and leave room for the lamia." Then he sits down to meditate while Chauntessa works. I sit next to Bleu and Polly, who has joined us, and smoke some incense.

Chauntessa casts the spell and is worn out, but recovers in an hour or so. "Well, let's get her out and put her to work."

Garreth gets up, and I step into the Pentagram, pull out the flask, and say, "By Almighty Benthos!"

Garreth smiles a wide, fake smile as Hasna shows up. "Hey there, did you miss us? We've got a proposal for you. And you're going to take it."

Hasna looks around her and scowls. "A Pentagram? No way! I'd rather die."

Garreth downs another whiskey. "That can be arranged."

Hasna sneers at Garreth. "You guys are being big meanies like Benthos! I'd rather die than be imprisoned again." 

I shake my head. "Chauntessa? She's too annoying. You can take her out.m There's no way she can pull this off anyways. Sorry."

Chauntessa clutches her fist. "Not until she frees my mate."

Hasna says, "I can! But you're not tricking me into doing it surrounded by a Pentagram." She looks around, seeing everyone around her, then shrugs. "Fine! Explain your deal."

Garreth says, "Step one, you undo the Sleep of Ages spell. Step two, we sing for you. Step three will be determined based on how steps one and two go. I promise you a live concert put on just for you if the spell is removed."

I sigh again. "Chauntessa, all she can do is whine for eight hours straight! It's an Anakin Skywalker-like feat, but doesn't come with cool armor."

Hasna sneers at me. "Kill me or give me a chance to get free. I am not casting the spell trapped in a Pentagram."

I eat a big barbecued rib outside the Pentagram. "Suit yourself! We can leave this Pentagram up forever. Chauntessa has been waiting for centuries. A few more weeks until you starve won't matter much."

Hasna hisses, "I guess I just starve, then."

I munch on the rib. "Suit yourself. It's not like you have any chance of getting this done anyways."

Hasna glares at Zaber. "Can too!"

Garreth says, "Starving to death is no chance at freedom. So long as you live, there's hope." Then he  clamps his jaws shut.

I put my arm around a bewildered Bleu. "If it wasn't your spell, I'd ask the high elf to do it. She'd get it done and is way, way hotter. You just can't do it."

Garreth shrugs. "I suppose she's just afraid of revealing her failure. She's nothing without Benthos."

I laugh. "Heck, she's less than Silhouette." I look at Bleu. "So, Bleu, babe, how long would it take for a silicone lamia to starve?" Bleu calculates this out in precise detail, and asks me to measure the lamia. I sigh and shake my head. "Bleu, she's big and totally not hot. Plus the silicone doesn't count."

Garreth says, "Actually, by casting the spell you gain a measure of freedom. Right now, the flask binds your will. Freeing your will is the first step."

Hasna says, "If I start casting the spell I can't stop without ruining any leverage I have. So I need to make a deal first, before I start casting."

I take a drink. "Why deal? You can't do it."

Garreth shrugs. "Agree to cast the spell and I'll vow that we won't use the flask on you again."

Hasna says, "So just going to kill me? I'd rather die without casting the spell to spite you meanies."

Garreth says, "You might win if we decide to kill you with free will or you might escape. Or you might convince us that you've got something to offer the world."

Hasna says, "Not if I'm stuck in a Pentagram."

I lean forward. "What would you want, anyways? I don't have a list of things I could offer a bumbling lamia with silicone sisters. They don't write that list up for public consumption."

Hasna says, "Well, I really wanted a night on the town and a concert and then to be free to go my own way. And these are all natural!"

I ask, "Who takes you out for that night?"

Hasna says, "Surely there are some cute guys who aren't utter jerks?"

I shrug. "Garreth is pretty darn cute."

Hasna says, "I haven't seen him without his helmet, but he is being such a jerk."

I tilt my head and look. "You might be interesting. I mean, I could swear off elves for a night …"

Hasna pipes up, "I am so hotter than an elf! I mean, meow!"

I ask, "When you say leave, where will you go? I mean, you might be the best date I'll have
And I'll have to look you up. I mean, if you're like a great date and all."

Hasna says, "The desert, totally!"

Polly says, "Maybe she could get a date with Flitwick."

Hasna asks, "Is Flitwick cute?"

I shake my head. "Flitwick isn't into sexy lamia. He's into camels."

Hasna winces, "Ewww! What a loser!"

Garreth says, "You're going to have to cast the spell inside the Pentagram regardless. We need to know it's done before we can risk your escape. Is that understood?"

Hasna says, "Fine, fine, I'll cast it inside the Pentagram. But you and the dragon have to agree I get to go after." She looks at Chauntessa. "Well, I assume she is a dragon, maybe she is just a really kinky elf."

Garreth says, "I agree to let you leave the Pentagram and perform at a concert in your honor once the spell is undone."

I lean up. "Oh, and a good meal at the Slumbering Drake. No sapients!"

Garreth says, "After that, it's catch as catch can? Sound at least interesting? If I kill you, you'll die a free lamia."

Hasna says, "Well. At least give me my stuff back first, but alright, I can agree to a fair chase."

Garreth holds up the bra. "The bra I can agree to. I was looking forward to learning the naginata."

I jerk upwards. "C'mon! I like looking at those!"

Hasna sighs. "Well, give me some decent weapon at least. You want it to be sporting."

Garreth says, "Sure. We'll get you a tricked out mundane one. Best I can commission on this short notice from the best craftsman in the region."

Hasna nods her head, "Fine, alright."

I wink at her. "You're on. And they're fabulous, way too nice to be fake."

Garreth nods. "Done."

Castle Whiterock 2 October 2023: Topless Lamia

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

Garreth goes to Chauntessa. "We've killed everything we could find down there, didn't see anyone who seemed likely to have cast sleep of ages. Any hints? Can you scry for more details or something? Benny's ghost is defeated now if that's what was in your way."

Chauntessa goes and talks to Eli and comes back. "Eli says you can find the answer in a bottle."

I look at Garreth. "We've found a lot of answers in bottles."

We hire Angie the Surgeon to dissect Benthosruthsa. She says, "You guys must be like pickled mummies, but sure, I'll come. Don't let me die."

I give Angie a wink and a leer. "Oh, don't worry, we can afford to fix you if that happens." We make sure she has a Ghost Touch knife to disembowel the dragons, then go down into the dungeon and Angie does her work.

Meanwhile, we talk to Baghanaya and Scithia about bottles. Scithia says that she knows something, so after some goading, threatening, and tempting with the idea of exotic statues, she leads us to an iron flask on an island of cooled magma in the middle of the polluted lake. She says she knows nothing about the flask, only that Silhouette said not to bother with it. Bleu says the iron flask is an Iron Flask™, and can trap outsiders. She casts Analyze Magic, and says that the trapped being is an unhappy lamia named Hasna, and the command word is, "By Almighty Benthos!" in Common. Oh, and since I found it, I get to say it.

So I say it.

There’s a big burst of light and smoke worthy of Michael Bay. When it clears, a beautiful woman clad only in a brassiere is before me. Now, I don’t get too many ideas, since she’s a lion from the waist down.

The lamia cries, "I’m free. Wait … no, I’m not free! Meanies, you’re geasing me, you’re as bad and mean as Benthos!"

Garreth says, "We we can put her back when we're done. Maybe we can use the flask again later."

Hasna cries, "No! Don’t put me back."

I chuckle and cast a glance at the hooded Scithia. "Oh, if you're lucky …."

To make a long tale short, Hasra, whose full name is Hasna'azhar, tries seducing us, badmouths Scithia, says Silhouette kept her in the flask because Hasna was prettier than Silhouette (not a high bar), and says Benthosruthsa ("May he rot forever in the Seven Levels of the Abyss and be feasted upon by Celestial Termites!"—she has a way with words) wasn’t the biggest dragon where a woman really wants size. She gets jealous when I say that both Polly and Bleu turn me on more than she (elf women!) and cringes when I say that if she doesn't play ball she can go in Scithia's art gallery.

Since she’s under a geas to me, we ask about the Sleep of Ages, and she tells us that she'd obey for for the rest of the hour of the geas then I'd use use Shadow Jump to get away unless we made her stick around. However, it would take eight hours for her cast the spell. We do find out she is a fan of "Gar Eff and the Murder Hobies," and might help for a date including a concert.

Garreth blinks. "So, you have heard of me?" Logan yips in backup.

Hasna's eyes widen. "I expected you to be cuter and only wear one gauntlet."

Or, we could choose to grapple her and keep her down to make her cast the spell. 

We get her to hand over her gear: a Naginata of Flexibility, a Ring of Protection, a Bra of Wonder, and a scroll of the Sleep of Ages. Garreth has me prod her to tell us what she needs to cast Sleep of Ages, and she needs her hands, feet, tail, and mouth to do so. She also says she needs three of her four limbs free to Shadow Jump.

After many minutes of this, I've had as much of her as I can, so I say, "By Almighty Benthos!" and she goes back in the bottle. I pick it up. "Wow, she's annoying."

Castle Whiterock 18 September 2023: Red dragon? Dead dragon!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

Polly, cute and deadly elf archer who is dead throughout most of this episode but gets better at the end

And our helpers:

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth blasts from under the surface of the water and out into the ghost dragon's face. "Hey, big, dead, and ugly, how 'bout you and me go for a few rounds?"

Benthosruthsa's head shakes, boggled. "What?" A wave of evil necrosis comes away from the dragon as Garreth whacks him three times.

Erica casts Affect Spirits on Thrognar's weapon while I duck into an alcove. Logan flies towards the dragon and his claw lands once. A wraith runs after Garreth and throws knives, which do nothing. Another one lobs them at Galdiera, who knocks them away, as does Thrognar when a third wraith did the same. Yet another lobs them at Galdiera from behind, but they only bother her. Bleu blinks away when still another wraith throws knives at her.

Thrognar downs the wraith who lobbed knives at Galdiera from behind, then downs another when he throws his sword at it. Erica tries to blast a wraith with Sunlight, but it steps aside. Garreth swears in Orcish and whacks the dragon thrice while Logan does the same with both claws hitting twice each. This leaves the dragon with the thinnest wisps, though it still is in the fight. I slug a potion of Greater Healing.

Benthosruthsa flies through Garreth and hits Erica with a wave of evil. A bunch of the ceiling falls before Bleu. One wraith lobs knives at Galdiera and another at Garreth, but can do no harm. The last one is stuck and can't reach Logan, who starts to point his snout downwards at the water. Galdiera takes down a wraith as Thrognar rushes towards the dragon. He swings twice, felling the dragon, then he throws the sword at one of the wraiths, killing it as it starts to dissipate. The other two wraiths vanish.

We pick up Polly's body and put her in the Bag of Holding, while Bleu moves around the rocks. I pick up Elweiss's spear and give it to Garreth, who has slumped to the floor and is panting.

We take off after talking to Scithia, who is annoyed we're not giving her the wagon. "I'll give you charms so you can see me safely!" I remind her that we just took down an undead red dragon so she's nothing more than a skidmark to us, which ends that offer.

Elias raises Polly back in Cillamar. "Hey, I saw the Great Tree and my sister and ate lots of cookies!"

Garreth looks almost apologetic. "Should we have left you there?"

I shrug. "You'll have to go to another church if you wanna wash down those cookies with communion wine." Elias scowls at Garreth and me.

Polly smiles. "I'm sure there must still be some orks somewhere down here, right?"

Castle Whiterock game log 11 September 2023: The Beginning of the End

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Thrognar shows up and summons his godly might, going full saiyan.

Then, out from the rock comes the ghostly shape of the dragon Benthosruthsa. He still has the wounds on him that killed him, with a wing pulled out of its socket and a big neck wound. "I must thank you for ending that bitch, Silhouette. In gratitude, I will allow one of you to leave, unharmed. The rest of you are now my playthings."

Garreth grins. He looks at Scalemar, and says, "Hey, Scalemar, ever kill a ghost dragon before?"

A wave of evil comes from Benthosruthsa. "Feel my presence, and know fear!" We hold out, and the fight begins.

I dash over to Logan. Elweiss mutters something, and a weak flash of magic comes from his spear, doing nothing. The wraiths we didn't kill before start to come out of the walls as well. Garreth slugs a Minor Healing Potion, then dives into the water. Galdiera heals Logan then sniffs, "Normally I would never touch a man's mustelid, but for you I shall make an exception." Thrognar attacks the wraith then steps as the wraith dissipates in a horrible howl of death.

Erica aims a finger at the dragon. "Let's see if you burn from holy light!" Benthosruthsa howls as he burns. Elweiss lobs his spear at the dragon, but it misses. I rip a potion out of Logan's potion belt and pour it down his throat. As I do this, I feel myself drying out, and see a faint magical glow coming from Benthosruthsa as he grins at me.

Elweiss feels a flurry of wraith knife stabs, sending him to his eternal reward at Koborth's side. As he dies, he says, "Sorry I’m a bit late, had a terrible time … All sort of things cropping up at the last moment. Uh, how are we for time?" Another wraith hurls three knives at Galdiera. They miss but one hits me, not piercing the skin but sapping weakening my soul. The other wraiths lob another couple volleys of knives at Thrognar and Erica, but both get out of the way. Galdiera casts Affect Spirits on Logan, who charges at a wraith, knocking it over, but feeling the loss of his lifeforce. Thrognar uses Faith Healing on Erica.

Game log 27 August 2023: I've been through the woods on a Tonfa Guy with no name, and I bet his back hurts

Personae dramatis

Honsou, thief and item smasher
Tonfa Guy, doesn't speak or have a name but has a tonfa
Felcanis, elven cleric
Grignok, handsome orc druid

Quid occurrit

The next morning the heroes all wake up from the floor of the Scarlet Harlot. Suddenly with them is a guy with a tonfa and a hood who says nothing. Honsou pickpockets the tonfa guy but the tonfa guy is broke, so Honsou gets lint. Mateo finds the Tonfa Guy to be bothersome so he takes off.

The heroes chat among themselves about the spiders. Honsou gets the idea to find a sage, and after asking some blokes over breakfast, he learns there are two sages in town, Dénnos and Prainêr.  

They go to Dénnos's cottage amid the gathering storm clouds, and a middle-aged man opens the door. A middle-aged, middle-class man opens the door, and Honsou says  Honsou says the Tonfa Guy is hungry. The man at the door says, "Oh, good gravy! Your friend should go to a tavern!" Tonfa Guy looks over at Honsou and narrows his eyes. The man with the twisted ear raises his eyebrow. "Well, good gravy, why have you come here?" Tonfa Guy holds up his fingers to Honsou rubbing them together to indicate the sign for money, but Honsou, Felcanis, and Grignok tell the man about the spiders.

The man raises an eyebrow. "All these giant spiders! Where are they? I'd like to see some." Honsou says they're in the Eldalîvā Woods outside of Bóllā, and the man lights up. "You guys should be thrilled that I have had some light enter my life again and I want to get out and further my studies." He introduces himself as Dénnos, and the heroes tell him who they are. Dénnos shrugs. "Well, first meeting, I guess. Never heard of any of you." Dénnos goes to hit his books to find out about giant spiders, especially in the Bóllā area.

Honsou looks around for things to steal, and Dénnos scowls when he sees Honsou looking over his house. "Watch it!" Dénnos's lip curls, then he pulls something out of a book. "Well, I have this letter from this wayfarer coming from the woods, and it seems there's something humanoid with the spiders, at least from what hints the survivors saw. Ettercaps do often live among spiders. I'd like to study ettercaps. They're like giants, which is my area." Honsou tells them there were indeed ettercaps there. "Oh, what kind of traps did they have?" Honsou tells him about the sticky floor. "Oh, the webbing in the den is sticky? Very interesting." They leave and agree to meet up the next morning, a downpour having started while they were outside.

The next day is clear so they set forth. Dénnos has a pack and some gear, including armor and a sword, and brings along with a horse and mule. "I've kept it up from my time in the Reapers. Let's go."

The day is uneventful, and they. make it to Bóllā by nightfall. The lookout there scowls then cackles madly. "You'll be sorry again!" Then he yawns and leans back and sleep.

Dénnos wants to visit the lord of the manor, so they go to the manor, and Lady Savendótē lets them inside. "Let me guess, the spiders again, right? I hope you weren't the one who took the cow." Tonfa Guy looks at Honsou quizzically. Lady Savendótē smiles. "Oh, yes, Honsou loves the livestock. A little more than most, from what they say." She giggles. Tonfa Guy gives Honsou a friendly elbow, and Honsou says at first that he didn't take the cow, then that he sold her. Lady Savendótē says, "Don't worry, we know the spiders got your date."

Lady Savendótē says, "I do hope you don't mind picking out a campsite for the night." Honsou asks if they can stay in town again, and she says, "No, Honsou, we do not want you in town again. And you'll be able to better monitor the spiders if they show up."

Honsou sees the cheese and jerky from their rations on the ground when he goes outside after Tonfa Guy rifled through them. Grignok sets up camp, and Honsou finds that the cows are inside the serf hovels, so he cannot use one as bait. The night passes, and no spiders come along. Well, none of the big ones. There were a couple of smaller ones that spun webs on Honsou's bow. The spiders don't carry off the jerky and cheese the annoying vegetarian tossed on the ground.

Grignok leads the group into the woods. He doesn't always pay the best heed to the path, and they get to the same green glowing tree as before. Honsou checks out the tree, and hears a rattle coming from inside. Honsou steps back and throws a stick inside, and the rattle gets louder, and a hiss joins the rattle. He hears a twig break behind him as he steps from the tree.

They turn, and there are five hobbits with hobbit-sized spears behind them. Tonfa Guy waits to see what they do. One of the hobbits hisses, "Go away, and take your pet with you!" pointing at Grignok. Honsou hints at killing at all of them, and the lead hobbit moves for the others to step back. "Watch it, we're a clan. We have others." The hobbits once again step back, then step back again and again. "We don't want any trouble."

Honsou suggests they wander off, and they look at each other, then wander away unusually fast. The rest of the day is not too thrilling. Bill steps in a trough filled with badger dung not long before they stop and camp. At the end, Felcanis sets up camp.

Res aliae

Nope, Tonfa Guy has no name. Right now his character sheet is in flux (ninja, if someone wants to make a pitch), but the name "Tonfa Guy" will survive any tweaks. 

Whiterock 21 August 2023: God of the Bullywugs, Celestial Sewer Rat, and Friends 1, Silhouette and Friends 0

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth whips out a potion and slams it, then growls menacingly at the dragon as he steps back into the fight. Erica slams her sword into the coins and the coin golem sprays apart and stops moving, then her next blow hits the dragon. "Ya killed mah golem!" Logan takes down the pit fiend, which blows up at his feet, though he stays up. Elweiss casts Puissance from his spear, then lobs it at the dragon, hitting her in the innards. I rush at the dragon and her tail bats me away, but some of the rocks from above fall on her, pinning her. Polly shoots thrice at Silhouette, and Silhouette bats away all three. Galdiera spins around and tries to hack Silhouette over the skull, but she loses her balance.

Silhouette swings her limbs at Elweiss, who doesn't feel the pain. "A gosh darn ghost? Ah know how ta treat wid ya!" She blasts arcane energy at Elweiss, but he takes the magic. "Gah! I was gonna Disrupt Undead!" She instead blasts Erica, who also withstands the magic, but Silhouette's tail swipe knocks her back. She then sneers at Polly, and swings her limbs at her. "Elves taste so good, like cookies!" Polly's body goes back to the wall, her innards spilling out as she dies.

I yell out, "No!" as if I were lamenting the loss of some space wizard whom I had just met a few hours before.

Garreth roars. "I'll kill you for that, dragon!"

Silhouette casts another spell at Elweiss, and this time he feels his being tear asunder, though he stays standing. She also casts Slow at Erica, and Erica does not withstand it.

Garreth drops from the air into the water then rockets forward through the water towards Silhouette's back, with Scalemar leading the way. The dragon roars in pain from the blows, but stays up. Elweiss lobs the spear again at the dragon, but this time she swats it away. This is the last thing she does, as Logan rips, Logan tears, Logan shreds! Her innards spill out all over, blood going everywhere. Logan tastes into her flesh, which he likes, though it is a bit pickled.

RIP, Silhouette. Died fighting the god of the bullywugs and a celestial sewer rat.

Castle Whiterock log 31 July 2023: The sorriest god

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth swings Scalemar many times, and carves through thick dragon hide. Erica slashes the coin golem, but it doesn't hurt it much. Logan slams the pit fiend but it stays up. Elweiss lobs his spear at the eye of the dragon but she swats it away. I try to stab the innards of the dragon but she pushes my knife away. Polly shoots the dragon thrice in the back of the head, and one knocks her to the foul water. Galdiera slams the pit fiend and tries to kick it.

Silhouette blasts acid at Polly, Bleu, Elweiss, and Logan, which hurts Polly but not the others. Then she tries to swat at Garreth and me, but I step away. Garreth winces from the pain and totters, and says, "You'll regret turning your back on an immortal."

Silhouette insults Garreth, "You're the darn sorriest god I seen since the bullywug god!"

Garreth hisses back, "I killed him, too." Left unsaid is that the bullywug god is a kobold named Kubunk who crippled his finger when he was picking his nose, and all the other kobolds clown on him.

The coins pelt Erica and Logan, then lashes out with monetized pseudopods at Logan, Bleu, and me. Its pseudopod stretches too far as I step away.

The pit fiend lobs a fireball at Logan, but he gets away. "What? You stupid celestial sewer rat!" Then it turns to Galdiera and cackles at her in Celestial. She smiles and says, "I prefer garlic parmesan," as she steps aside.

Garreth sneers at Silhouette, "Look at those cute widdle wings. You gonna bat 'em at me again?" He chugs a potion and whacks her.

This does not faze Silhouette. "Ah ain't a blonde bimbo like that darn Celestial you got, mah wings are all natural!"

I step forward. "Yer a goddamn newt, not a dragon."

Flustered, she spits back, "Ah ain't a newt!" as I stab her.

Logan again slams the pit fiend, but this slam does nothing, nor do his slashes afterwards.

Elweiss stabs the coins, which doesn't help much.

Polly says, "Ooh! You stunned the dragon for me, Zaber!" then shoots three arrows, but Silhouette swats them away.

Galdiera gives the pit fiend some mighty blows, but it stays standing.

The dragon gathers her wits and flies past me—I get out of the way—to try to claw both Erica and me. I step aside while Erica parries, but Silhouette knocks the pillar towards Bleu, who steps back, letting it splash harmlessly. She hisses at Polly, "I love elves! They taste like cookies!"

Polly smiles. "Thanks! Elves love cookies!"

Silhouette then swats at Erica and Logan with her wings, with her fore claws and teeth at Polly, and her back claw and tail at me. Logan, Erica, and I all get away, but and we think Polly is a goner but somehow, she misses. 

The pit fiend tries to step on Logan and Galdiera with its bulk, and tries to hack away at Galdiera again, but misses both.

Game log 2 July 2023: Along came an ettercap

Personae dramatis

Mateo de Leon Garcia, stylish red wizard

Grignok, orc druid often in panther shape
Felcanis, elf cleric
Honsou, larcenous bowman

Quid occurrit

The next day, they wake up, and Grignok tracks the giant spider. He points to the broken branches in the trees. "It came through the trees." At about mid-morning, they reach a thick patch of trees where the tracks stock. The trees have big slashing marks on the bark that go up. Grignok says the irregular slash marks are obviously from the giant spiders.

Grignok sticks his head the grove. "I don't see much. The trees here must be really thick up top."

Honsou climbs up the tree. After several minutes, he sees some webbing in the trees. He can stand on a branch up. He cuts a window into the webbing, and sees a passage inside. He calls down, and Grignok and Mateo make it up. Grignok points out the webbing is sticky and they will go through slowly unless he turns into slime.

Suddenly, a long, slender arm ending in a two-finger claw comes out and tries to grab Mateo but he gets out of the way. Honsou whips out his bow and quickly loads an arrow, and points it at the hole, while Mateo casts a small fireball. The claw comes out and just gets a grip on Mateo, and Honsou shoots it, but the arrow bounces off harmlessly. Grignok will try to grab the hand right back, but it pulls its claw away. Mateo lobs the Fireball inside, and the claw pulls back.

Mateo casts Ignite Fire and Shape Fire and starts burning a hole through the webbing. The look through and do not see the ettercap. Grignok asks, "Why are you trying to destroy Nature? We can kill the Ettercap, it is not Nature, but we do not want a forest fire."

The climb down, and Felcanis asks, "Did you take care of whatever was up there?" They rest, then start back to the village.

Along the way, they pass under some trees, and two man-sized spiders drop on Bill. Honsou and Mateo shoot but miss, while Grignok casts Beast Speech. "Do not harm the mule, for he did not harm you!" The spiders start to step back. Honsou shoots one of the spiders, and Mateo is drops his crossbow whips out his longsword. Grignok kicks the spider and it falls. The other one flees as Honsou shoots the foot of the hurt one, stapling it to the ground. Grignok kicks the spider again and it passes out. Felcanis casts healing spells on Bill while the others kill the spider.

That night, they eat on twigs from Felcanis's Create Food spell. The next day, there are storm clouds overhead. They set forth, then after some walking, they hear some growls behind them. They turn to look, and see a pack of six wolves. Grignok casts Beast Speech, and after some barking, finds the wolves want the heroes to stay away.

At the end of the day, they make it back to Bóllā. Nobody seems to care much about the heroes and Lady Savendótē lets them stay at her manor. Honsou tries to steal a cow for some reason, but it makes a loud moo when he tries. A serf calls Honsou, "Stupid like a shoe," and, "A ball-less imp."

After that, they walk for a day and make it back to town.

Castle Whiterock 10 July 2023: Acid!

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

Garreth sighs, cracks his neck left and right, and pulls out his sword. "What do you think Scalemar?" After a moment, he says, "Yes, I've taken great pains to make you ready for anything."

I shake my head and lean down to Logan. "There he goes, talking to a sword that we can't hear …"

Garreth looks up and grins. "Zaber, I don't think letting you go off alone is wise. So maybe you and I advance together and you are my spotter?"

I nod. "Yeah, let's go." I put my ring back on and poof, then slug some whiskey while Garreth drinks from the Everful Everclear Skin.

Garreth shouts out into the dungeon. "Hey there, draaaaagon. I heard you … something awful." He stops for a weird moment and focuses his chi before singing "Afternoon Delight." He grips my arm somehow, and we go towards the edge.

The filthy, burning water suddenly swells, and then the head of the black dragon comes through the water. "Stop singing!"

Garreth chuckles. "Oh, hello, sweetheart."

Silhouette hisses. "Scithia didn't tell me you were so annoying!"

Polly shoots three arrows fast at Silhouette, and one hits her eye. "Bloody elf!" Galdiera calls up mighty energy, and Bleu stands warily as Garreth shuts his eyes and beckons forth his speed. Logan pulls the cord linked to the crossbow on his back. The dragon parries it, as well as Elweiss's spear. I hold and wait until she comes near. Silhouette says something in Draconic, and Bleu shouts, "She said, "Golem, attack!' in a lowland swamp accent of Draconic!" The coins take on a the shape of a man (or woman, who knows?) and fly at us. Most of us get out of the way, while Bleu blinks. A pillar comes down at Garreth and me, but we get out of the way.

Silhouette shuts her eyes and casts a spell on herself, likely Great Haste because she's suddenly much faster. She spits acid at us, though it hurts only Erica as the rest of us get out of the way. Silhouette lobs a red gem from her paw at Erica's feet where it bursts. This doesn't hurt anyone other than Logan, who takes a little blunt trauma. Silhouette them claws, bites, flaps her wings, and swats her tail at Garreth, who parries every blow. "Ya'll done took out the demonhold, thank ya for that!"

As Polly shoots and misses Silhouette, a pit fiend shows up, coming from the gem Silhouette threw. Galdiera, who is ticked pink to see the demon, swats at it, hitting once and wounding it. Garreth dives into the water, and comes up at Silhouette's rear, but she parries his blows with her hind legs and tail as she does. He keeps going up with her, hitting her once. "Ya darn half ork, I ain't callin' you immortal like ma handmaid Scithia!" Erica charges up her chain lightning and blasts the golem, stunning it. She bounces the lightning to the demon, hitting it twice as Logan is wounding it. Logan likewise goes after it like a flying furry ginsu knife of good and it falls down. Elweiss casts Great Haste then lobs his spear again, scratching the cornea of the demon. I step and stab at her eye, but she swats me away.

Silhouette steps and tries to smush Garreth, then rend him, which she cannot do. She casts again and again tries to rend Garreth to bits, which she again cannot do. "Stand still, ya li'l varmint!"

Garreth bares his teeth. "Yer kung-fu is weak! Hic!"
The pit fiend lets out an aura of fear, somehow scaring Elweiss but no one else. His eyes widen. "Oh no, a pit fiend! It might … I dunno!"

I chuckle. "Listen, bub, you aren't remotely as scary the stuff I've seen after taking acid, and not the stuff under us!"

The pit fiend lobs a fireball at Logan, sizzling him a little, then lobs firey meteors at Galdiera, Logan, Erica, and Bleu. This burns all of them, but Bleu's Bless takes the pain and gently pushes her out of the way.

Castle Whiterock 3 July 2023: Going down

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

We go back into the dungeon, and down to talk to Scithia, since we know she has spoken to Silhouette about us in the last week. On the way, Garreth talks to his sword again, then tells us that he's even more in favor of killing Silhouette the Black Dragon. Go figure, but he takes a big drink afterwards, so I know he's doing alright. We can't have him drinking water.

Scithia tells us that Silhouette stopped giving her baubles after the first few things she said about us. "She doesn't think you are immortal, by the way. So don't die! I have a bet."

I chortle, "I don't think she is immortal."

Garreth chuckles. "If I don't die, she won't be around to pay it. What was the wager?"

Scithia says, "She was going to give me an awesome coach for my art gallery."

Garreth asks her, "What do I save you if you lost?"

Scithia says, "I was going to have to wear my maid dress and polish all her scales and talons with a toothbrush."

Since Scithia had bet on Garreth, we ask Scithia for more information on Silhouette, and learn that Silhouette likes swimming and surprising people by coming up with a big splash, and that the water is acid and toxic, though not as toxic as the poison Scithia used on Garreth.

We go down into the dragon's lair, this time taking the other hallway straight to the gong.  There, we get ready for the dragon, casting spells to buff us.