Castle Whiterock 2 October 2023: Topless Lamia

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

What they did

Garreth goes to Chauntessa. "We've killed everything we could find down there, didn't see anyone who seemed likely to have cast sleep of ages. Any hints? Can you scry for more details or something? Benny's ghost is defeated now if that's what was in your way."

Chauntessa goes and talks to Eli and comes back. "Eli says you can find the answer in a bottle."

I look at Garreth. "We've found a lot of answers in bottles."

We hire Angie the Surgeon to dissect Benthosruthsa. She says, "You guys must be like pickled mummies, but sure, I'll come. Don't let me die."

I give Angie a wink and a leer. "Oh, don't worry, we can afford to fix you if that happens." We make sure she has a Ghost Touch knife to disembowel the dragons, then go down into the dungeon and Angie does her work.

Meanwhile, we talk to Baghanaya and Scithia about bottles. Scithia says that she knows something, so after some goading, threatening, and tempting with the idea of exotic statues, she leads us to an iron flask on an island of cooled magma in the middle of the polluted lake. She says she knows nothing about the flask, only that Silhouette said not to bother with it. Bleu says the iron flask is an Iron Flask™, and can trap outsiders. She casts Analyze Magic, and says that the trapped being is an unhappy lamia named Hasna, and the command word is, "By Almighty Benthos!" in Common. Oh, and since I found it, I get to say it.

So I say it.

There’s a big burst of light and smoke worthy of Michael Bay. When it clears, a beautiful woman clad only in a brassiere is before me. Now, I don’t get too many ideas, since she’s a lion from the waist down.

The lamia cries, "I’m free. Wait … no, I’m not free! Meanies, you’re geasing me, you’re as bad and mean as Benthos!"

Garreth says, "We we can put her back when we're done. Maybe we can use the flask again later."

Hasna cries, "No! Don’t put me back."

I chuckle and cast a glance at the hooded Scithia. "Oh, if you're lucky …."

To make a long tale short, Hasra, whose full name is Hasna'azhar, tries seducing us, badmouths Scithia, says Silhouette kept her in the flask because Hasna was prettier than Silhouette (not a high bar), and says Benthosruthsa ("May he rot forever in the Seven Levels of the Abyss and be feasted upon by Celestial Termites!"—she has a way with words) wasn’t the biggest dragon where a woman really wants size. She gets jealous when I say that both Polly and Bleu turn me on more than she (elf women!) and cringes when I say that if she doesn't play ball she can go in Scithia's art gallery.

Since she’s under a geas to me, we ask about the Sleep of Ages, and she tells us that she'd obey for for the rest of the hour of the geas then I'd use use Shadow Jump to get away unless we made her stick around. However, it would take eight hours for her cast the spell. We do find out she is a fan of "Gar Eff and the Murder Hobies," and might help for a date including a concert.

Garreth blinks. "So, you have heard of me?" Logan yips in backup.

Hasna's eyes widen. "I expected you to be cuter and only wear one gauntlet."

Or, we could choose to grapple her and keep her down to make her cast the spell. 

We get her to hand over her gear: a Naginata of Flexibility, a Ring of Protection, a Bra of Wonder, and a scroll of the Sleep of Ages. Garreth has me prod her to tell us what she needs to cast Sleep of Ages, and she needs her hands, feet, tail, and mouth to do so. She also says she needs three of her four limbs free to Shadow Jump.

After many minutes of this, I've had as much of her as I can, so I say, "By Almighty Benthos!" and she goes back in the bottle. I pick it up. "Wow, she's annoying."

Castle Whiterock 3 July 2023: Going down

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

Thrognar, half-orc holy warrior

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

We go back into the dungeon, and down to talk to Scithia, since we know she has spoken to Silhouette about us in the last week. On the way, Garreth talks to his sword again, then tells us that he's even more in favor of killing Silhouette the Black Dragon. Go figure, but he takes a big drink afterwards, so I know he's doing alright. We can't have him drinking water.

Scithia tells us that Silhouette stopped giving her baubles after the first few things she said about us. "She doesn't think you are immortal, by the way. So don't die! I have a bet."

I chortle, "I don't think she is immortal."

Garreth chuckles. "If I don't die, she won't be around to pay it. What was the wager?"

Scithia says, "She was going to give me an awesome coach for my art gallery."

Garreth asks her, "What do I save you if you lost?"

Scithia says, "I was going to have to wear my maid dress and polish all her scales and talons with a toothbrush."

Since Scithia had bet on Garreth, we ask Scithia for more information on Silhouette, and learn that Silhouette likes swimming and surprising people by coming up with a big splash, and that the water is acid and toxic, though not as toxic as the poison Scithia used on Garreth.

We go down into the dragon's lair, this time taking the other hallway straight to the gong.  There, we get ready for the dragon, casting spells to buff us.

Castle Whiterock 19 June 2023: Stoned again

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

I check out the ledge, traveling with my left side to the wall, and come to a ledge that looks like another ledge that I saw earlier. Then I keep going, coming to a small, hollowed-out cave in the rock wall that triggers my anxieties.  Its floor is black and lumpy like coal or rock and is invisible, which I can see since Bleu has cast See Invisible on me.

I keep on flying, and make it to another cave. Inside is cooler air and a carriage with the seal of the Kingdom of Morrain on the side. Beyond the carriage is an opening that leads away from the lake. Around the carriage are many items of adventuring gear, and under each item is a small sheet of paper. The items include a beautiful lyre, a greatsword, a scroll case, a book, a rod, and a barrel. Inside the carriage is a painting and a bunch of wine bottles.

Wine bottles? Someone made this for me.

I check one out. Each bottle has a brass and platinum stopper bearing a seal of Morrain and is decorated with a silver chain and emerald. According to the paper, these bottles are of the famed 2716 vintage, the best in the history of Morrain! These are the 25 bottles missing from Vemin the Magnaminous's well-known last party, that everyone wanted to remember but no one was able to!

I grab a bottle, and fly back to Garreth to celebrate. We both take a swig, and it has the light scent of fruitiness and a lasting tingle of delight with a hint of chocolate on the palate. Galdiera whines that we're supposed to be fighting a dragon, but I let her know that Garreth gets even tougher with booze. Elweiss recognizes the vintage as soon as he sees the bottle. I tell him about the carriage, and he says it might be the Bearer of Kings, a carriage for the Kings of Morrain. That and Princess Thistle (whoever she is) went missing long ago, and folks say a dragon did the deed.

We talk about the dragon, and agree that it has been watching us. I pull a bag over my back and use it as a blanket, then signal to Garreth that we should lure the dragon out somehow. He tells me that Scalemar thinks the gong is some kind of signal. We go back to the start of the maze and meet with Baghanaya and Scithia.

We ask them some questions. We give Baghanaya the bottle and he takes a swig, and, showing his good taste, also says it is great booze. We ask Scithia about the gong. She tells us that the statues under the gong are erstwhile lovers, and she seems to like it when I say that she must be a great lover since they had smiles on their faces. And she uses the gong to summon Silhouette, or she her.

"Who is Silhouette?" I ask.

"She is a black wyrm," she tells us. "She always makes me wait when I ring the gong." I say that means she has to die, but why does Scithia summon her? To pass her news, and Silhouette passes Scithia "pretty baubles and things, as well as cuties."

I get the idea that they wouldn't be upset if Garreth killed Silhouette, nor would they be upset if Silhouette killed Garreth and the rest of us. We go back to town, and look for warding against acid.

Castle Whiterock 8 May 2023: Never fight while thirsty or sober

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

(Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar)

And our helpers:

Elweiss, ghostly guardian

Fthirya, aka Erica, ghaele eladrin

Galdiera, kobold who thinks she's an elven paladin

What they did

We go back to Castle Whiterock, and Elweiss, Erica and Galdiera link up with us. After finding out that Galdiera and Erica drink elven wine and elven brandy, respectively, I bring along some good elven booze with for the trip.

This amazes Galdiera. "You intend to drink while battling the forces of Darkness and Evil?"

Garreth shrugs. "Makes it hard for the bad guys to figure out what I'm doing."

We go into the lair of Baghanaya and Scithia. They are amazed that we bring along backup, but I give Baghanaya a bottle of good scotch and we go past and into the tunnels.

We wend through the tunnels, and it looks like it is going down. I can smell the sulfur and feel the heat, but there is no flame yet.  The tunnel makes a sharp turn, and goes into a wide room. To our left is a wrecked mural of a dragon setting fire to a village, while to the right is a toppled statue of a dragon, which would have been about twice my height when whole.

Polly glares at the mural. "So. Not. Nature."

Garreth asks Bleu about the mural, and she starts her babble: "Oh, look. There is a head. As you can see the head has a pronounced scar, and a distinguished jawline, as noted in Waffston the Crispy's posthumously published tome, Who's Who of Evil Dragons. It is none other than Benthosruthsa."

I roll my eyes. "Brevity is the soul of wit, sweetheart." Bleu goes on about looking dragons in the teeth and the bicuspids of dragons that feed on tender children or something.

Garreth grips Scalemar and thinks. "That's the same dragon in the mural in the Audience Hall of the Thane in Narborg!"

Galdiera sniffs. "Clearly the beast is possessed of a great ego and hubris. Look how vain it is with monuments to its greatness!"

Erica adds, "If I had a jawline like that I'd smash the statue too! Or I'd have children with myself. That's really rugged!"

Say wha? This puzzles me as much as anyone reading this. I swear to you that I'm not high, that I've had maybe one shot of whiskey after a beer, and that she really said that. "… children with myself?"

Erica beams. "One of every color!"

I bump into the wall, then put my hand through the wall. "Whoa." Then I step through. After some running into the illusionary wall, everyone else makes it through as well. Bleu scans the wreckage  for any hint of working magic items.

I put on my ring and scout ahead. The tunnel reaches a T-fork. To the right, I can feel a light wind, but to the left, it's still. I can make out some ghostly faces hiding among the rocks at the fork, and shiver.

I go back to warn the others. "Elweiss, do you have any friends down here?"

Elweiss shakes his head. "I don't think so. I mean, I kinda play cards with the lich every so often, but most of the restless dead here aren't friendly."

Galdiera looks warily at Elweiss. "Undead? As the wisdom of Brother Elias says, suffer not the undead to live."

I throw up my hands, though most cannot see this. "Well, there are some ghostly faces up ahead. They hang out in rocks and stuff."

Galdiera narrows her eyes. "Brother Elias spoke of this lich."

Uh-oh. Elweiss might have spoken too much, so I have to say something. "Elias has been drinking too much communion wine. He never could hold it. That's why Garreth and I always drank it for him." This isn't wholly a lie, of course—Elias isn't a strong drinker, and Garreth and I always did drink his communion wine for him. Serves him right for saving it—we had to drink something when our stronger stuff ran out. That communion wine isn't the best, but sobriety is even worse.

Galdiera goes on. "Sounds like dread wraiths. They are cowardly bound servitors or haunts that cannot pass on due to chains of loyalty. Their blows can sap vitality as well as deal wounds. Mere steel is not proof against them nor does it hurt them." She stops, then adds, "But I have a Ghost Touch sword, so, bring it!"

Garreth asks, "Is there a simple way to release them, or shall we just cut them down?"

Galdiera chuckles. "I find that the time way to reason with evil is once the evil has been cut into very small pieces. But perhaps there is a way to help them move on." She shrugs, then looks skyward for a moment. "Divine Guidance speaks that this is a DCC module, so …"

Castle Whiterock 23 January 2023: How do a rakshasa and a medusa get it on, anyways?

The murderhoboes

Garreth, half-orc swordsman
    Bleu, droning elf wizard
Zaber, suave and debonaire man
    Logan, wolverine
Polly, cute and deadly elf archer

Stonemaul, dwarven cleric of Danethar

What they did

Back in Cillamar, Garreth buys a mirrored dwarven shield and a man-sized sack, while I buy two Charisma potions. Then we go back to Castle Whiterock, down to Baghanaya's lair.

We go chill near the toxic waste. I hand Stonemaul a joint to smoke while he meditates next to toxic waste. The djinn from earlier holds up his hands trying to look friendly.

I take a swig of whiskey. "Hey, whassup?"

The djinn says, "Lord Baghanaya, the Great Rakshasa, welcomes you to his domain and requests you not explode the door again."

I shrug. "Yeah, well, it's open, so we don't need to blow it up." I look around. "Where's his girlfriend?"

The djinn says, "The Lady Scithia is found to the south, past his humble abode. I will lead you to where you may begin your hunt."

I offer the djinn a drink. He says, "Ooh, I love air and water, is it related?" I say it is, and he comes over and takes a drink. "Ah, electrifying! I could become a tornado! But I won't."

I say, “Well, it'll put hair on your chest if you drink enough. And I promise not to smoke anything around you, since that's fire and air."

Garreth asks if the djinn grants wishes, and the djinn says he is not planning to grant any wishes at that time.

The djinn leads us to some curtains by a tiger statue. He stops and does something by the statue, and the curtains open to a short hallway that turns right beyond the curtains. At the end of the hallway is a set of stone double doors, and there is another such set on the far wall about midway through the hallway. The djinn says,  "Through these doors is the masters art collection. Do you wish to see the art collection?" I tell him we'll pass for now, then he leads us to the set of doors at the end of the hall. "Lady Scithia may be found beyond. She is not expecting you."

Garreth shuts his eyes and hands me the shield, which I crouch behind. I put a blindfold on Logan and make a leash out of twine. I make another blindfold out of part of my shirt and wear it as a headband as a failsafe, and put some twine on Polly's wrist. Polly shuts her eyes and readies her shield and rapier. Garreth tells Bleu to keep back and only get involved when we need her. Garreth and I chat about how we're going to talk to Scithia, but we can't think of what to say beyond asking her what her relationship is with Baghanaya. With that, I push open the door.

Beyond the door are tunnels like the ones outside Baghanaya's apartments. To my right and forward I hear something. I'm looking at the ground with the shield up as I lead everyone to where I hear the din.

I don't have to lead everyone far before Garreth feels the blows. I hear him yelp, and can smell the perfume of the medusas. Logan and Polly blindly swat at the medusas near them, and both hit. When they hit, the medusas poof in a shower of flower petals. I whip out a Greater Healing potion and hold it out for Garreth, who already is drinking one of his own potions. Bleu peeks out and casts Great Haste on Garreth. We hear Scithia's astonished cry. "Waa? Your not dead? You just healed that much? Guards! Baghanaya cuddles! Help!"

The medusas step back and shoot a volley of arrows at Garreth, who bats them away. Scithia yells, "Unfair!"

The guardian statues turn into snakes and move. One swats at me, but I block it with the mirrored shield. I step and pour a potion Garreth's throat. Logan and Polly go after a snake, Polly dropping her buckler and rapier to grab her bow (I think). Garreth charges towards the source of the arrows. Scithia yells, "Stupid guards! You let him past!" I hear the din of Garreth yelling a kiai as he chops at medusas, and then Scithia yells, "Aiii! Baghanaya, help!"

I hear the sound of a blade coming out, and the light coming towards us dims. The djinn says, "Um, do you still wish to continue hostilities? You seem to have upset Lady Scithia greatly."

I call back, "Jeez, all we were gonna do was nab her so the rakshasa could have kinky sex with her!"
From there, we start chatting. The djinn tells the statues to stand down. I say, "Hey, Lord Baghanaya wanted us to capture you, bind you, and bring you to his room for perversions I dare not fathom."

Scithia asks, "Waaa! Is that true, Baghanaya?!"

I hear Baghanaya's growl. "You weren't supposed to tell her that! I was supposed to swoop in and heroically save her!"

I sigh, "You weren't saving her fast enough!"

Scithia asks, "Why didn't you leave your room?"

Baghanaya says, "I was finishing my glass of wine, and I was in bed. With the covers, it was comfortable."

Scithia cries, "They were going to kill me! The half orc! And he must be immortal! I stabbed him in the vitals! Five times! With my assassin's dagger! With bladeblack! By surprise! And he didn't die!"

I chuckle. "We weren't gonna kill you! Just get you laid!"

Garreth sings a little tune, "I'm Too Awesome for Death."

Itake a swig. "I forget cats aren't the most motivated creatures. Even cats dressed like Hugh Hefner and having kinky sex with snake women."

Scithia sobs, "HMMMFFF! And I was even wearing this cute magical maid armor!"

I grin. "I bet it's hot. Baghanaya is gonna be a lucky cat tonight." I think about peeking out, but instead light up a joint. "I'll stick to getting stoned this way."

For all this, Baghanaya gives Garreth a ring of Wish, Polly an Ironskin Amulet, and me a rod of Wither Limb. "Hmmmf! You're a lot of trouble, Scithia. Not only are you mad at me, I am paying to have you mad at me!"

Scithia scoffs. "Yeah, well, all my ex-boyfriends are in your art gallery! Wanna join them?"

I chuckle and make an aside to Baghanaya. "Baghanaya, if it means anything, but make-up-after-a-fight sex is way, way hot."